Why do I feel the need to do this SO much? Advice please & please be nice!

[boredhousewife1]

Well.......I've been quite naughty and honestly before I tell you I have never felt the urge to do this before! I'm married (10yrs) 38 and have two kids, been faithful all the time. But whilst on holiday with family, I met a divorced guy 10 years older than me, holidaying with just his son. He wasn't particularly amazing looking, but clearly very bright, active and competative and a real mans man! He had a body to die for. Anyway i felt instantly drawn to him, he had such a presence about him! And our kids got on and occasionally we would all chat including hubby, but they both seemed to compete with each other all the time which was a little odd. I felt he flirted with me a bit when hubby wasn't around and when hubby was this guy seemed to direct all his conversations towards me and on our last night after dinner I so desperately wanted to exchange numbers ( I know) but couldn't for obvious reason. Next day before we were about to go to the room to get ready to leave, hubby took kids to kids club and I was left alone by the pool. This guy got up after hubby had gone, to say goodbye to me ( I found it odd he didn't say bye to hubby and the kids and he had been chatting to hubby all holiday on and off too) it was awkward and I so badly missd the moment, I'm sure he felt chemistry too but clearly didn't want to say anything as he wasn't sure If I wanted to mention anything or at least that was my perception of things. When I got back, I managed to get in contact with him, sent him two messages via a popular social network and got no response checked with the network people who said they had been sent but not read and that he could see who they were from. I presumed he had ignored them and tbh forgot about him. Now TWO weeks later and I've had a response!! Arggghhh. I feel very embarrassed as I was so open about how I found him so hot, how I'm married and he has a busy life etc and how I still think we should meet up, and when I can meet up! Gulp! I KNOW, I KNOW, and anyway he has responded with "Gosh, what can I say" and that's it!!!?? Does that mean he is surprised I felt that way or surprised at my propersition? I know I'm an attractive women (without sounding a prat) I just felt such a strong urge to contact him. I've never done anything like this before even when single! Can't get my head around it.

I have no idea what I am doing and I know you are all going to be calling me a bitch but let's face it I don't want to go through all my marriage details with you all but I can say he hasn't been great and I've put up with a awful lot and at some point when you know divorce cant happen we have even spoke about it and agreed and when it suddenly hits you that you know you don't fancy your man much anymore, you need a release!! And that is all I want from this guy a release! Why do I feel so desperate to do this! I actually feel I'm owed some fun with someone else! I want the thrill of the attention from another man so badly. :-(

Why can't divorce happen? If the marriage isn't great, end the marriage.

Well doesn't sound like he's interested really does it?

Or if you and your H both agree that your romantic relationship is over but neither of you wish to divorce, agree to an open relationship.

Just don't engage in deception or sneaking around on social media, it's demeaning.

Well you've offered yourself up on a plate and he hasn't taken you up on it. How embarrassing. Guess the chemistry was all in your head.

Forget this guy and decide on whether you can work on your marriage.

If not then do the decent thing and split with your DH before you throw yourself at the next person that shows you the tiniest bit of attention.

Seriously? Sort out your marriage, either work on it or leave it. When you are available to date then you can do what you want.

I think you have a serious crush! He seems to have stirred something in you. I think if something could of happened on holiday then he might of taken his chance but now your back home he's let go.........

Divorce can happen , and probably will if your husband finds out you've sent those messages.

If the genders were taking out of your op I'd swear you were a man.

Not because of the scenario but the language and your 'tone'.

Not very helpful, but thought worth mentioning.

As for advice...if 'a divorce can't happen' before you embark on a seedy fling then how can a seedy fling be worth risking your marriage for?

Oh dear!

Either this man was a real tease & flirt or you misread the signals badly!!

Block him so he can't play with your feelings if that's what his intentions are & sort your life out!! If you don't 100% want to be with dh then leave or the next charismatic flirt to come along will turn your head too

"quite naughty"...? are you twelve?!

You sound a bit pathetic to be honest.... Who contacts the actual network to check whether a message has been read?!

This is quite calculated, I think your husband deserves better; you should make divorce possible.

ugh.

talk to your dh and set up and open relationship. even agree to keep it very discreet if that makes you both more comfortable. and then have at it.

or get divorced.

either way be an adult about it. don't witter about how "naughty" you are. you're a grown woman (or "women", as you would say) ffs. sort it out. imagine if your children were reading this, the cringe factor is just astronomical!

He doesn't sound all that nice, to be honest. Ignoring your husband and flirting with you in front of him is a bit off to say the least. Not nice.

I would put this back in the fantasy box, where it clearly belongs.

Talk to your dh, if your marriage has come to an end you both need to so the decent thing and separate. The repercussions of an affair will be massive not to mention what it will do to your kids.

Have a heart and think of your children and do the right thing.

OP - You sound like a teenage girl desperate for male attention. It's actually quite sad in a way.

This man's reaction was underwhelming at best. I think this might have been a case of a man being a flirt whilst never intending to actually get involved in some sort of seedy affair.

If you aren't happy in your marriage, then separate. You don't have to pay for a divorce to end a marriage. You can either:

• Move into different homes and come up with a childcare agreement between you
• Explicitly agree to finish the marriage in all but name, and continue to live together as co-parents in separate bedrooms. You may agree that having discreet relationships with others is allowed, but establish rules like, no-one gets invited to the family home.

If you don't want to/can't do either of those things then you're being incredibly dishonest about the state of your marriage.

By the way, you are not "owed" anything. You're especially not "owed" an extra marital affair.

'Naughty' is not the word I would use to describe this. Desperate or pathetic would be more appropriate.

If you want to leave your marriage, do so, but don't mess around behind your DH's back.

You clearly read this one wrong. There was no chemistry.
Even if you have no respect for your DH, have a little self respect and never behave like this again. You will end up being humiliated. It is a dreadful way to behave.

Why is it embarrassing? Because I am forward? Why is it desperate, because I am a women? So what if I want to have sex with someone I feel I have a connection with. Why am I acting like a 12 year old! I am attractive women and get a lot of male attention I do not throw myself at any bloke that pays me a bit of attention! Seriously he has only just responded and is surprised he has send me his email address, he wasn't rude and isn't a rude person. He has told me and husband all about his life. As for husband we have been to mediation and basically he is a work obsessed arse who has had flirty things going on behind my back and I have been a saint not with just that but with him! We agreed financially it's better for the kids we stay together. We still have sex but I know I don't fancy him anymore and what I'm saying is this guy brought something out of me that I thought was long ago dead. I have never felt the urge to do this before. I am a very sociable outgoing and friendly person, husband tries to control that. I don't want to talk about the marriage I can deal with that and my kids are wonderfully fine. I am shocked at how judgemental some of you are to be honest.

"We agreed financially it's better for the kids we stay together".

Not just a big mistake, that is a huge one .

Why can't divorce happen?. You seem very selfish here (as well as your current H) and think of your own needs alone. I would also say you come across as quite sad and desperate who is also acting like this because of her own innate low self esteem and self worth.

What do you think staying together will teach your children about relationships. Do you want to teach them that your loveless and dead marriage is their normal for them to replicate themselves as adults?. Some legacy that is you'll both be leaving them. Your own relationship with the children as adults could well be damaged because of the poor choices you make now; they will not thank you for staying together and teaching them that their life is a lie.

You play with fire, you get burned.

Really, you're surprised that posters aren't saying that an affair is ok?

I see you are new to mn and maybe not aware of how talk of affairs and cheating can upset some posters.

That high FabULouse?

With all due respect, in your OP you yourself say 'I know you are all going to be calling me a bitch' so why are you now so surprised at how people have responded?

You ask 'why do I feel so desperate to do this?' Well surely because you are in a bad marriage with someone that you are only with for financial reasons?

I'm not entirely sure what you are asking/what advice you want to be honest? Are you saying that basically you and your husband are only married in name, kind of have an open marriage? If so then sure go ahead and do whatever you want to do with this other man.

If that is not the case, and you and your husband are supposedly still in an exclusive relationship, then surely it is better to either sort your marriage out rather than start cheating on your husband, or end your marriage before anything else starts?

Just not sure what advice you are looking for?

Is embarrassing and pathetic because you - A MARRIED WOMAN - threw yourself at another man. There is absolutely nothing about the empowerment of female sexuality that says it's okay to fuck around with affairs when you're married.

If you and your husband are that unhappy, then agree to have an open relationship.

If you don't fancy your husband, why are you still sleeping together? Or is it because you are just SO gorgeous that he can't resist you?

I guess all I can say is: how would you like it if the tables were turned.
The OM may well sleep with you as you are handing it to him on a plate. But then what?
Ok, so yr husband is an arse and you don't fancy him any more. You have never done this before and you are trying to justify your actions.
You don't have to justify anything to us. You are an adult, you can do as you please. If you do sleep with him/start an affair how do you think your children will feel about you if you get caught.
You have had yr sexual passion awoken. Please don't think that you can go off have a quick shag and all will be well. Sort your marriage out. If you don't want to be with DH then for goodness sake split up and then you will be free to sleep with whomever you please.