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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help please porn out of hand

39 replies

savemysanity · 17/09/2006 22:36

Just testing the name change had worked.
Im a reguler mumsnetter but i wanted to hide behind a new name for this one.
Please help.
I need a web site, a phone number, the name of a counsellor anything.
DH has always had a thing for porn but it is now so out of control that even he has addmitted he needs help, i dont know where to start.

Any info anyone has would be so welcome.
Thanks.

OP posts:
notasheep · 17/09/2006 22:38

I would start with going to Relate.

Do feel for you have same kind of problem here

Original poster
savemysanity · 17/09/2006 22:43

thank you not a sheep, dont really think relate can help (bit complecated) need something for DH not for us as a couple.

OP posts:
notasheep · 17/09/2006 22:45

dh can go alone to Relate

Crackle · 17/09/2006 22:49

I know someone who threw away a complete PC system. Just threw it away to stop her dh accessing porn online. Doesn't really help with tv porn or mags but her dh was addicted to online images and had got into some vile stuff.

Best of luck.

Original poster
savemysanity · 17/09/2006 22:50

Will they be able to help him get over this (its not about saving our marriage), i think he need some sort of psyciatrist.

OP posts:
Original poster
savemysanity · 17/09/2006 22:52

started with books then videos dvds and onto on line porn, have dial up and once the phone bill was x3 the usaul amount, he has offered to give up the pc but thats not going to make the books ect go away, he has it on his mobile too

OP posts:
notasheep · 17/09/2006 22:53

Relate do have sex therapists and could direct you to other help.
If its addiction then maybe he should go the route of GP,consultant,psychiatrist.

hope you can get this worked out

batoutofhell · 17/09/2006 22:56

Hi,SMS- Could you check out the helpline numbers in the yellow pages.The samaritans are online as well and you can contact them via the website.

Original poster
savemysanity · 17/09/2006 22:57

Thank you notasheep, if he went to the GP is everything confidential? Its our family GP and its all so shamful

OP posts:
notasheep · 17/09/2006 22:59

Yes,confidential,a psychotherapist may be the answer,but to get one of those,again he would need to be referred by GP first.

Original poster
savemysanity · 17/09/2006 23:02

Thank you i will look in to this.
This has been an ongoing problem for a long time but this is the first time DH has addmitted he needs help.
He is deeply ashamed and has agreed to everything i have said so far, he really seems broken by it all.
(think he has woken up to what it has cost him).
Im worried out of my mind for him.

OP posts:
notasheep · 17/09/2006 23:06

The fact that he has admitted he needs help is a very positive start.
Good luck.
Night

Original poster
savemysanity · 17/09/2006 23:06

one thing that really p*ssed me off though was while im looking for porn addicts anonymous on google you get this godsquad and that bible basher (i go to church by the way) and then 3 addresses down your have get the latest porn here ffs. Oh yes thats really helpful.

OP posts:
harrisey · 17/09/2006 23:07

Yes, my GP husband has just confirmed that he could be referred to clinical psychology or psychiatry for this, totally confidential, no problem. He also says it might help if you BOTH go to the GP, so that the doc knows you are supportig him in getting help and also for your own peace of mind, that the whole story has been discussed.
Hope youcan sort this out, it sounds like you want to, and at least he has relised what is going wrong.

batoutofhell · 17/09/2006 23:09

Has he seeked help before?

Original poster
savemysanity · 17/09/2006 23:12

Thank you harrisey (and mr harrisey).
Lots been going on with DH and i think it has as he said gotten all too much.
We have been talking lots the last few days and been more honest with each other then we have in a long time, sadly it may be too little too late.
I love my DH with all of my heart and he is a good man and a good father, and to see him o broken is killing me.
I will make an appointment with the GP tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
savemysanity · 17/09/2006 23:13

No batoutofhell, never before. He has never admitted he had a problem before now

OP posts:
batoutofhell · 17/09/2006 23:36

SMS-At least he is admitting to a problem now .

Hope the GP can help.

batoutofhell · 18/09/2006 11:20

SMS-How are you today?

mcmum · 18/09/2006 11:24

savemysanity

i have had thisproblem for years and we went to relate and they really tore strip off dh. but caught him twice after then watching the same kind of sites mainly housewife with two men ?? i used to be gutted and even more gutted that he would look when i was out of house or asleep and then he started to delete history ! but i recently agreed to watch it with him once a month and it seems to be working

Mellowma · 18/09/2006 11:38

Message withdrawn

iquiteunderstand · 18/09/2006 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
savemysanity · 18/09/2006 16:06

HI been a bit of a bad day today as i had to take DS1 to the hospital after he was hit in the face at school so did not get anything ineeded to do done.
Mcmum if it was only as simple as he wanted to watch a bit of smut now and then but it is so out of hand that i look at this man that i have 2 children with that i love with all my heart and i feel repulsed.
Also it hasmade alot of things i did not want to deal with come back to me

OP posts:
mcmum · 18/09/2006 16:48

savemysanity

my husband used to repulse me too and even went so far as to ask if i would have threesome with a stranger !!!! and it was what he was typing in the search engine that bothered me as it was always to do with house wives i.e. me and other men and i felt degraded i tried relate and they did explain to him how i found it hurtfull and what he could do but it didnt stop, i caught him several times after that and it got to a point where i was close to leaving him infact i asked him to leave but it didnt last long I do love him and dont want to lose him and i thought that if i could in someway be part of his fantasy not every time we have sex but if i agreed to watch porn every now and then it might help.

what kinds of porn is he looking at ?

mcmum · 18/09/2006 16:53

savemysanity

if you look at history section you will find loads about this and will see the torment i went through with my dh it is not nice i know. Does your dh know how much it hurts you ? my dh thought i just didnt like it and i was a prude but relate explained that i felt degraded and made him realise is was him with the problem and not me.

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