Apologies - this might be a long one. We have been here three weeks and i need help to manage just one more week please.
- single mum of three small dcs, 2 years out of abusive marriage but stbxh still very manipulative, sis bil and baby in USA
- both sis and bil asked me to come and visit this summer, bil because he wanted support with allegedly boozing sis, sis because she is not happy and doesn't know why, we would rent a summer place together as their apt is tiny
- cannot really afford it, but want to be there for them if they are both reaching out, know how hard it is with little ones, research cheap rentals which are payable, don't get any response other than that those places are not child friendly and they are looking into other options, they urge to book flights, offer to pay mine, if i pay for dc flights, i am nervous without guaranteed accomodation (no way could i afford hotels on top of flights), but book. Week later/ week before we arrive turns out they are giving up apt and moving to the summer house they have found while we are there. Didn't want to tell me until certain.
- got here and i have never felt so unwelcome. They complain about the noise from the dcs," feels like non stop screaming", "you could not take your dcs anywhere else", random friend of theirs "is better with kids than you are", they "know it is hard for me" but feel entitled to shout at my kids to wash hands, for bad table manners, getting up before everyone including v slow baby has finished etc or even interrupt sternly when I am talking to them. They have shouted at me too. I accept small baby phase is quiet, but bil has two dc from first marriage, maybe he has forgotten about children's noise. I cannot put anything down in the kitchen for more than a minute as bil crazy tidy and it is their house so i have to do what they say. I cannot make plans as bil does not make any and sis doesn't mind being ad hoc. Bils family have told me how much sis was drinking, but they had it on say so from bil, and the only person i see drinking is bil, up to a bottle a night, every night, sis has not touched a drink. I have told sis the odd controlling thing my ex used to do to me, she just ignores it, won't talk at all except to criticise me, won't leave the baby with me (I offer, to give them a break).
- so far i have dealt with it by liberal use of the ipad until we can get out of the house, taking myself and dc out whenever I can, researching own destinations from middle of nowhere, cheap as possible, (we have had a blast), still get grief for not being home in time for supper sometimes, though supper together had not been agreed as they didn't not what they were doing yet. Mornings a nightmare as dc take a while to get up and out, falling foul of their lie-in (we must be extra quiet, though we did not know about it) or early cooked breakfast (we must attend, though we did not know about it).
- feels a lot like my marriage, this walking on eggshells business. Now pretty low on funds, and it is so hot i cannot take the dc to the beach all day. I will manage somehow - but do you think there is anything i can do to change my current mindset of: never ever am I going on holiday with them again! And: beam me home Scottie!
Thanks for reading.