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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you take the risk and say I love you first?

39 replies

Reinvent1yourself · 09/08/2014 19:37

All in the title... Would you risk it? It's been three and a half months and I'm totally smitten not sure if my head could take it if he doesn't say it back though....

OP posts:

freyaW2014 · 09/08/2014 19:38

No I'm too proud! Suprised he hasn't yet though!

flatbellyfella · 09/08/2014 19:42

If you know how you feel, wait for him to tell you how he feels, then you can come back with, "I Love You Too". Good luck !!

Original poster

Reinvent1yourself · 09/08/2014 19:42

Freya don't say that :-(. Do you think it should have been said by now really?

OP posts:

overslept · 09/08/2014 19:49

Reinvent, don't panic about it, honestly. If he had said it a month ago people would be telling you he was moving too fast, if he hasn't said it in another month then you would be told he is likely cold or bad at communicating his feelings

He is obviously still keen if it's been three and a half months, if you feel it, say it. He could be just as nervous as you about saying something like that and scared it will put you off! Also if you do say it don't get in a panic if he doesn't say anything back the first time, I said it and didn't get a reply the first time. Now with this person and he tells me every day

Vivacia · 09/08/2014 19:55

If you feel it, say it.

Don't expect him to reciprocate.

freyaW2014 · 09/08/2014 19:58

He may be shy about saying it or waiting for you to, if everything is going well I wouldn't worry x

MagpieMama · 09/08/2014 20:01

I said it first to DH and he said he wasn't sure yet! Obviously he did in the end (a couple of weeks later). I'd never said it to anyone first so that was fun! I've never let him forget it though

MarshaBrady · 09/08/2014 20:03

Wait a bit longer, see what happens.

marne2 · 09/08/2014 20:04

It depends if you think he feels the same, if you are unsure then don't do it, I did it once thinking the other person felt the same, next day he duped me as he didn't feel the same , I was so upset, turned out he thought we were more like best friends (funny, as I didn't think best friends slept together ). I would wait as long as possible (unless you are both drunk so you can blame it on the drink if he doesn't say it back) .

penguinplease · 09/08/2014 20:06

Am I the only person who thinks it's just too soon to know??

Minion100 · 09/08/2014 20:09

My best friend said it six months in and her (now) fiance said "really?" :D Several months later he felt it too. People move at diferrent speeds

Hup · 09/08/2014 20:16

I think it's too soon - what is his story? If he is just out of a relationship he may not be ready

heartshapedflux · 09/08/2014 20:38

For those posters who think it's too soon or he should have said it by now, I really don't think there is any right or wrong re. timescale.

My partner said it after 6 days, prefaced with: "I worry you might think this is too soon, but..." I was relieved he'd said it, not spooked, because I felt exactly the same way, but was too proud to say it first. Three years later we're engaged and are getting married next October.

Conversely, my friend got together with her partner at the same time as we did and 8 months into the relationship he still hadn't said the L word. She was obsessing over why, then one night when they were both half asleep, she said it to him completely unpremeditated. He responded that he felt the same and she was so relieved. When she told him how she'd been feeling, he said he thought it was obvious through his actions that he loved her and he hadn't realised it was such a big deal to say it out loud! From then on he made the effort to do so. Three years on, they're still going strong and marriage is on the cards for them too.

My advice OP is don't bottle it up, follow your heart - with any luck you'll be pleasantly surprised.

60sname · 10/08/2014 00:25

I did; he said it back ( 4 months in) . 4 years to the day (not intentionally ) we got married.

Lally112 · 10/08/2014 00:36

I think I would. But don't listen to me - I've been with DH since high school so I am sooo completely comfortable with this and I recognise it puts an unrealistic spin on things in relation to other peoples relationships. For the record though, I didn't. He said it first, when he was drunk the first time we slept together and I told him if he meant it to tell me again in the morning. He did.

FamiliesShareGerms · 10/08/2014 00:50

The first time I said it first was with (now) DH.

When you know you know: my folks were married within 6 months of meeting and celebrate their ruby anniversary next year. I know similarly quick moving relationships that have also lasted the distance.

Why should men be expected to say it first?

Lally112 · 10/08/2014 01:07

You do, don't you? DH is a little older than I am and because we were in highschool I was afraid he would think I was desperate or 'uncool' if I said it first and like you said I knew he was the one - even as young as I was. When he did say it I literally felt all warm and fuzzy inside (as you do when you are a teenager) but I didn't want to get my hopes up so that's why I told him if it was true he would remember in the morning.

trufflehunterthebadger · 10/08/2014 01:11

Am I the only person who thinks it's just too soon to know??

I've only said it to one man and i could easily have said it on date 3. He absolutely was love at first sight.
10 years later he's still the only one

flukeshot · 10/08/2014 07:28

I said it to then dp after three months. He said "thank you!"
He said it a week later and 12 years later all is well.
If you feel it, say it!

smallworld200 · 10/08/2014 13:05

I wouldn't say it after three months, I think that's too soon. I'm not sure how it's possible to know you love someone after that space of time.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 10/08/2014 13:16

No, really I wouldn't. It's so much nicer when they say it first.

Gem124 · 10/08/2014 14:59

Do what feels right for you!! I told my bf first, about 6 weeks into our relationship. He looked surprised but 10 mins later came and whispered it into my ear as I cooked tea. 2 weeks later we moved in together and the rest is history!

BluebellsandWhistles · 10/08/2014 15:38

I would let hi do it. Don't risk scaring the poor chap off.

Trills · 10/08/2014 15:39

Somebody has to say it first...

Tinks42 · 10/08/2014 15:59

I think its lust still to be honest, which of course can turn to love. Leave it for a bit. If everything is wonderful, just go with the flow. I remember really liking someone once and the minute he said I love you, it frightened me to death and sort of ruined things.

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