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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sensitive Subject, but is it worth my time dating a man who has Erectile disfuntion issues?

63 replies

Vintagecrap · 07/08/2014 23:20

Basically, as above

Ive been seeing him about a month. He made the moves on me, which now seems odd if he knew he had these issues. He has told me its a bit of a problem and it ' doesnt work properly' and he has seen a doctor, but that it will get better in time.
Except, ive just come home from his and he couldnt get it up at all.

He can still orgasm, in a semi flacid state ( through oral) and thats happened every time ive seen him, he had no problem saying to me ' get your mouth down there' today, but im not getting a bit frustrated.

This isnt the only issue, there are a few others, but i cant lie, its pretty much the main one. Im very highly sexed, quite adventurous, i cant see how i could go without sex to be with him, and when he has managed it, it only lasts for a few minutes, in the missionary position, then goes flacid again.

OP posts:
kentishgirl · 08/08/2014 13:54

You'll feel better once it's done.

neiljames77 · 08/08/2014 14:45

You shouldn't be, but if you're worried about hurting his feelings, use any excuse but the ed to dump him. (you're spoilt for choice really)
The start of a relationship should be the time that you're all over each other doing different things and finding out what each other like.

stargirl04 · 08/08/2014 19:17

Hi OP. I've been down this road in the past and it is hell. You've made the right decision. Take care x

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 08/08/2014 21:13

I guess, if you met the most amazing man and had a fantastic sexual connection, but his penis was unreliable, you might give it a good try. However this guy doesn't sound amazing at all. The oral comment would infuriate me and turn me right off. I love oral and find it sexy but not on a flaccid penis, sorry but gross. The whole thing sounds grim, no thanks.

Lweji · 09/08/2014 16:12

get your mouth down there
I once got a similar, but less rude, comment and I simply got out of the bed.

you are showing remarkable consideration for his feelings considering he has very little for yours.

Lweji · 09/08/2014 16:20

I dated someone who managed to ejaculate without going fully hard. And piv sex was impossible as it would go flaccid on touch (!).
He ended up dumped. Among other things too, because he refused to go to a doctor (or put it off) and blamed us not having enough sexual encounters. He also mentioned it wasn't me (it hadn't occured to me that it could be me Grin, but then it sounded like he was shifting blame, iyswim).

Tinks42 · 09/08/2014 18:26

He's a selfish arse and YOU dont want to hurt his feelings????? I'd dump him and tell him exactly why too.

SirRaymondClench · 09/08/2014 18:32

Have you dumped him yet Op?

Vintagecrap · 11/08/2014 11:26

I did, dumped him this morning.

It came out over the weeked that he does have some viagra but didnt want to mention it as his ex didnt like it and he only used it 3 times with her in 4 years.

But then went on for a whole day how its not a proper solution and how he doesnt want to take it as it gives him a stuffy nose and how a side effect is sudden death!

and then how he would take a tiny bit of one, not even a whole one, next time i saw him and how it might work for a bit, but then might not and he wouldnt do it again for a while.

and i just could not be arsed.

OP posts:
SirRaymondClench · 11/08/2014 12:37

How did he take it when you broke the news?

Vintagecrap · 11/08/2014 12:39

Surprisingly ok, ton of comliments my way saying if i changed my mind i know where he is.

i wont be changing it :)

OP posts:
SirRaymondClench · 11/08/2014 12:42

I don't blame you. I know it must be tough for him having this problem but he has to find a solution for his sake and it isn't your problem.
Onwards...Smile

Vintagecrap · 11/08/2014 12:54

Hmmmm, it wasnt just that though, and i think his attitude about doing anything about it spoke even more about the issue.
ie - he wouldnt take it to satisfy me very often, because he gave him a stuffy nose.
Hmm

also, other issues came out the last time i saw him, and i just couldnt see him again after that as it made me feel a bit sick

OP posts:
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