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Original poster

Sensitive Subject, but is it worth my time dating a man who has Erectile disfuntion issues?

63 replies

Vintagecrap · 07/08/2014 23:20

Basically, as above

Ive been seeing him about a month. He made the moves on me, which now seems odd if he knew he had these issues. He has told me its a bit of a problem and it ' doesnt work properly' and he has seen a doctor, but that it will get better in time.
Except, ive just come home from his and he couldnt get it up at all.

He can still orgasm, in a semi flacid state ( through oral) and thats happened every time ive seen him, he had no problem saying to me ' get your mouth down there' today, but im not getting a bit frustrated.

This isnt the only issue, there are a few others, but i cant lie, its pretty much the main one. Im very highly sexed, quite adventurous, i cant see how i could go without sex to be with him, and when he has managed it, it only lasts for a few minutes, in the missionary position, then goes flacid again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vintagecrap · 08/08/2014 09:01

I know.
I'm 99% sure he's on the spectrum though and he's out for the day and was already having a panic about that last night. I can't do it today. I need to be gentle as he's not going to take it well.

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 08/08/2014 09:06

Sounds awful...dump!

kentishgirl · 08/08/2014 09:16

If he was a great bloke, and if he was interested in you being sexually satisfied, then maybe it's worth it.

This bloke is immature and selfish sexually. That 'get your mouth down there' and 'yum', god, I'd have walked out at that point. How fucking rude and creepy.

He isn't bothered about your feelings, so I don't know why you are so bothered about his. But yes, dump.

Whocansay · 08/08/2014 09:20

That sounds really quite horrible. Who wants to feel like that after a supposedly fun night out?

Just text him and say sorry, but it's not working for you.

bleedingheart · 08/08/2014 09:28

I feel really sad that you came home, had to shower and felt used. I think you are worrying far too much about his feelings when he hasn't returned that courtesy. You've done nothing wrong.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 08/08/2014 09:29

He's clung onto me like a limpit and is so damn needy that it's going to crush him. He has no self esteem at all and even had issues goung into shops a few years ago ( which he told me last night)

It's going to be Like kicking a puppy but there is no way I can see him again.

I'm sure he doesn't know he's being odd/creepy/selfish, which is what makes it harder too.

OP posts:
thornrose · 08/08/2014 09:29

I'm 99% sure he's on the spectrum though what makes you think that?

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 08/08/2014 09:32

I just was so turned off I wanted to get his smell off me. I felt used as it wasn't mutually satisfying sex. He couldn't get it up. He sort of excited himself over my boobs then did the ' get your mouth down there' thing. And then after that made a weird comment about spitting v swallowing and 5 mins later asked what I wanted. The whole thing was weird and awkward and creeps me out.
That's why I showered.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vintagecrap · 08/08/2014 09:36

Thorne, a lot of his behaviours. I have dated a man on the spectrum before so recognise it. He's very socially awkward to the point he couldn't get a job as he can't function. Man child with obsessions. Very literal. But he's also hinted at it a few times and last night said about his one school friend he ever had who was on the spectrum also so that made it easier.

OP posts:
Marcipex · 08/08/2014 09:41

'Get your mouth down there' ?!
What a charmer, so considerate.

Why are you bothering?

MarlboroMary · 08/08/2014 10:19

This really doesn't sound like it's going anywhere. I'm afraid it's time to dump him.

ShelaghTurner · 08/08/2014 10:26

If you were head over heels and he was fabulous in every other way then there would be a reason to stick with it but if you had to have a shower because you wanted to get rid of his smell then, regardless of anything else, that's a huge no.

HellonHeels · 08/08/2014 10:29

For the "get your mouth down there" comment alone I think he needs to be chucked.

He sounds selfish in bed, too or at least, not really interested in having satisfying sex with you.

It's not your responsibility to fix him.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 08/08/2014 10:31

It's acceptable to send a text, isn't it. It's been just under a month. 8 dates or something.

OP posts:
Deftones · 08/08/2014 10:34

Yes, absolutely acceptable. If needs be, call him but you don't owe him more given the timescale

eddielizzard · 08/08/2014 10:39

yes, send a text. no way you can see him again. you aren't responsible for him.

ecuse · 08/08/2014 10:39

Yep - text him (kindly obviously), move on. You'll feel so much better. You wouldn't be doing him any favours to string it out. I find something like 'you're a really nice guy, but I can't see this going anywhere, thank you for a lovely few dates' does the trick.

Bustarhymes · 08/08/2014 10:41

I've had this very recently - nice guy but couldn't keep it up. Don't do what I did.

I persevered for months - trying everything to satisfy him. It didn't work, and more to the point I was left chronically frustrated, feeling yukky and used. He didn't do anything for me at all in bed - I was encouraged to do oral for hours and hours, but he wouldn't return the favour, like you.

Sadly I became increasingly aware that his personality was a dick, even if it didn't have a working dick attached.

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 08/08/2014 10:48

Oh god, I couldn't do that.
I've got a bit of a cut and run attitude at the best of times, to even think about doing that.

Totally see it as his issue and am not going to let it end up being my issue.

It's just going to be hard to dump him because I know he's going to take it badly and I want to try and minimise that, buy I can't really, can I.

OP posts:
Original poster
Vintagecrap · 08/08/2014 10:52

So what's the obsession with a ton of oral on a flaccid or semi hard cock?

I don't get it. I'm not a prude at all, buy just a bit baffled by it really.

That's not to say I don't get oral, as I do, but just don't understand when it's not hard. Or going to get hard.

OP posts:
CCL1967 · 08/08/2014 11:05

I was in this situation 4 months ago and ummed and aahhed about what to do. From the beginning my man told me he has ED and that we would not be able to have sex. Plus he has aspergers. Not a great combination for me as I am highly sexed and very sarcastic (he doesn't get my humour). However 4 months on and we have a lovely relationship. He ensures I am sexually satisfied and with the help of Viagra he can get hard enough to penetrate me but it only lasts a few minutes and he can't come. He's learnt to think before he speaks (he's very blunt) and he's starting to understand my humour. He is caring, loving, warm and tactile which are all things I've never had in previous relationships. So to the OP I would say if you think you can both work through the issues then stick with it, but overall I would go with your gut.

hellsbellsmelons · 08/08/2014 11:09

In answer to your question - Nope!
Especially if you are highly sexed.
And there are other issues!
Blimey, it's a month in.
He doesn't even return the favour!
Stop wasting your time.
It's just not worth it.
It's not working for you - end of.
Find someone you are compatible with.

HellonHeels · 08/08/2014 11:09

Even more to the point, what kind of person wants to accept a ton of oral without ever wanting to return it? Or just not being interested in giving any kind of pleasure to their partner?

That's just...really weird to me.

hellsbellsmelons · 08/08/2014 11:13

Yes dump by text.
'This isn't working for me'

Block and ignore!

Original poster
Vintagecrap · 08/08/2014 11:14

And to me too.
To be fair to him he was going to use his fingers? But to be honest, I'm a bit bored of that and would like some actual sex. It's not fun to just be prodded for ages and then end up more frustrated.

But all this isn't even the only issue. I just need to dump him.

OP posts:
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