my partner

[RomillyJane]

Have n/c for this

lives in my house
pays nothing and has not done for 3.5 years
is 100% dependent on me for money
is horrible to my 2 eldest dc but nice to the younger 2 ( they are not his)
does next to nothing in the house.
we have a very infrequent sex life
is quite cutting and dismissive of me

I adored him. so much. now i am just exhausted. tell me why I allow him to stay?

Wow Romilly, your dd is fab! How very mature of her.

Yes, be proud. You have every right to be. You have done a hard thing, and he almost certainly will do his damnedest to make it harder, but stand firm. Keep reminding yourself of what your daughter said.

The first day of the rest of your life! How brilliant!

Very pleased to see your update.
I hope you are remaining strong.
Your children are telling you you've done the right thing.
I think you'll find your older DC will improve no end with the fuckwit gone from your lives.
Keep strong and keep him out and away from yourself and your DC.
Well done - be VERY proud!
You've done a hard thing there!

I'm ok. he now ells me he is dumping me ... wry smile...

he apologised to DS1 in a text .

They money thing is an issue, but its not the main one. If he was nice and kind and loving to me and the kids I wouldn't really mind. But he isnt, and I think its getting worse. so I had to stop it

I'm terrified of loss. I grieve for so long when I break up with someone and its horrendous, That person on my mind every minute of the day. the yearning and pining even for men whom I have finished with and who are not very nice. I am sure the fear of this horrible emotional reaction is what has kept me here for so long.

I'm not feeling it yet for HIM but I'm waiting for it to start. I'm in pieces and terrified of the future. I wanted him so much to be 'the one' and I loved him so much. Much more than I have cared for and loved anyone ever in the past and I am almost 50..... On our own the relationship is great ...but we don't live "on our own" ....

Well done for standing up for your children. Your kids lives are shaped by who you involve in their life during childhood. It all goes in and helps them become who they do as adults. Chances are your sons could become like him or your daughters will seek out someone like him because you normalised it.

Stay strong. He is never going to be the person you hoped he would be and your dc are part of the package.

There are plenty of other decent men out there.

Don't let him back. Your children will always be there for you. He might not.

You haven't lost anything OP.

You have gained.

Gained peace for you and your children in your own home.
Gained respect from your older boys for standing up for them and doing the right thing.
Gained more in the way of available funds to clear your debts now you aren't feeding etc another adult.
Gained self respect for realising you deserve more.

You have gained freedom from this awful awful person - you don't need to grieve him. You need to celebrate this ending and the new start you can now make.

Hi OP,

Have you read this book Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

It sounds like you might find useful stuff with regard to relationships.