Am I wasting my time with this man, please be honest

[Crunchypeanut]

Been with my DP over 5 yrs, both of us divorced with children. Mine live with me, whilst his live with his ex but he sees them several times a week for an hr or so and the occ night over. Mine go to their dads every other weekend. I love my DP very much altho' he hasn't always treated me very well in the past. We don't live together and I feel very resentful that we have not naturally progressed because everything else comes first with him. When we first got together he was stony break and I helped him out financially with a car, flat deposit, guarantor, evenpaying the mortgage on his marital home as it was about to be repossessed and he didn't want his exwife and kids to be homeless. He did over several long yrs pay most of the money back but it was never his priority. He is still many thousands of pounds in debt but is repaying it through Stepchange. He can easily afford to do this as he retrained 5 yrs ago and is now in a very well paid job but even so by the time he pays his rent on his house, his debt, a very generous child maintenance payment , pub money and his golfing passion ( playing several times a week ) there is not a lot left. Whereas I own my own home , am mortgage free and have been careful and have savings( thro' sheer hard work, not luck! ). I know that if he gave up his rental home we could live a great life and build a great future together as we both earn decent money, whereas at the moment I seem to spend all my spare cash on maintaining a house whilst he justs spends his on himself. He loves being in my home , eating, using the power shower, big screen tele etc and we always entertain here as he prefers it and his own house is very basic and quite primitive. He is not at all generous with me and despite going on several golfing weekends a yr has never offered to take me anywhere even though I have pretty much fed him for the last five yrs with almost zero contribution from him whilst I always pay my way when we go out. In fact last yr I found out had been allowing me to feed him for yrs because he let me believe he was really struggling when in fact he was lying to me about how much he was giving his exwife. He was paying considerably more than he needed to and pretending to pay less. Very honourable but I felt really upset that I had been taken advantage of. I guess I just feel he has the best of both worlds but prioritises his ex wife over us. She just for the record has never been anything but truly unpleasant and I have always been expected to ' let it go' for his and his kids sake. We do talk about it and first it was his childrens feelings stopping him ( they are nice teenagers but very possessive over him and very vocal of their needs, the eldest however is very rude and mean to me). He also has a dog that lives with him, it was the kids pet puppy that the exwife insisted they couldn't keep, although they rarely bother with the dog much or helping out as DP works 12 hr shifts and the dog gets left alone in the house endlessly, he knows it's not fair on the dog but won't seriously consider rehoming as the kids would be upset. It is a staffie and has a real hatred for small furry things so even tho we have tried in the past her staying in my home my poor old cat is terrified and it's very stressful for everyone. The consequence of this is that DP is always rushing home last thing at night, first thing in morning to walk , feed dog and Inbetween his very long shifts I just feel I am forever waiting on him to be available. I know I am painting a bleak picture but my DP is very affectionate , tells me he loves me all the time . 6 months ago we split and I told him how frustrated I was and he went all out and worked very hard to get me back, with promises of the things he wouldchange and we would be living together. Six months on, still as loving as ever but he has not put one thing into action just lots of words and lame actions. I know I deserve better than this but I've invested so much love into him and I know he loves me,and is proud to be with me ,and we get on great, he just doesn't love me enough to committ to me. I feel sad that I'm not enough for him, just a trophy girlfriend. Thank you for reading,sorry it's a bit muddled.

[meadowquark]

I have not read other comments, but my instinct says leave; moreover when you meet another man, you can feed him but don't throw your money at him. I don't blame the man either - perhaps he was broke in the beginning but then he got used to the comfort provided by you. Humans are lazy natures, he lives a super comfortable life already so why to do/commit more?

[AppleAndMelon]

Sounds like a user to me.

[springydaffs]

Yeah, I suppose men are like pets you can 'feed', who are lost souls looking for a bit of comfort and don't realise when they've crossed the line hmm

[springydaffs]

Or maybe as well as