Stubborn DP's (lack of) dental hygiene

[NoisyBrain]

My DP and I have, shall we say, 'differing' ideas as to what is an acceptable level of personal hygiene.

To give some context, I shower every evening and usually do a face & armpit wash in the morning. I brush my teeth after breakfast and before bed. I consider this to be reasonably 'normal'.

DP would, given the choice, rather shower once every three or four days. When we moved in together it took months of gentle nagging persuasion to get him to shower every other day, out of basic consideration for me sharing his bed. He has mostly kept this up and sometimes even showers on consecutive days. Hurrah.

Then we come to teeth brushing. Oh dear. He is dentist-phobic after a really bad experience several years ago, so you'd think he'd take good care of his teeth to avoid problems, right? Well, until fairly recently he would brush them once a day, before bed. That was pretty minimal IMO, but since we had our DS, he often ends up falling asleep on the sofa after I've gone to bed and not bothering to go up and brush at all!

He drinks loads of tea and coffee and until very recently was a smoker. His teeth are really badly stained. I love him, and he does have many redeeming qualities, but I don't feel like kissing someone who hasn't brushed their teeth for over 24 hours.

I don't know if it's laziness (he works from home so he has all day to pick up a toothbrush FFS!), stubbornness, or simply that he just doesn't care enough, but it's really starting to piss me off. I'm still on maternity leave so it's 'in my face' more than it would otherwise be I suppose.

I don't think this is something I can just let go. Call me shallow but I don't think I'd find him very attractive if all his teeth fell out! I've told him that and said I think it's minging that he doesn't brush, but should I be more blunt? I've not gone as far as saying how bad his teeth look. I just don't want to be that hurtful. If I'm honest though, I find it hurtful that he doesn't want to make an effort to be clean 'for' me, iyswim.

I'm sorry OP. I feel like you don't realise how revolting this is.

I'm shocked that you feel the need to ask if you should be blunt with him. Please be blunt.

It's knocking me a bit sick to be honest... x

Ha! Beautifully are you suggesting I'm less than fragrant? How very dare you

As I mentioned upthread, DP isn't smelly, in breath or body. I don't quite know how, but it's true. Even so, he knows he doesn't get sexy time if he's overdue a shower/teeth brushing. And yes, he is otherwise lovely, supportive and good in bed caring.

Ivehearditall oh I do realise, I'm just trying to remain rational about it

Tell him it's a complete turn off, if that doesn't work, let him go be stinky with a likewise human (good luck with that).

Showering every 3-4 days is just rank, if he won't do it for himself then he should do it for you, sorry but he must smell, or else is masking it.

DP would, given the choice, rather shower once every three or four days.

I'm sorry but unless he is sat still in a well air conditioned space and spraying himself with deodorant and anti-antiperspirant every few hours I doubt very much he doesn't smell.
Maybe you are too close to him to notice it... The bed must be awful. Even if he doesn't smell... just the thought of all the dead skin cells and built up perspiration etc is enough to give most people the heave.

Wow you lot are a bit ott! I will also go the odd lazy day without a shower or will have one in the afternoon/evening instead of the morning sometimes, that doesn't mean OP is lacking in hygiene.

I don't stink (my dp says I never have morning breath and always smell good) and neither does my DP, even when he hasn't showered/brushed his teeth. I do prefer him to have done his teeth before sex but during the day, once we've had a cuppa and some breakfast, it makes no difference and I'm still happy to snog his face off. He doesn't even have smelly feet, his socks still smell of washing powder after a day of wearing them!

Maybe some people are more well-matched smell-wise and happy to smell each other's natural scent. How do you think people managed for millions of years before the invention of anti-back hand wash and deodorant?!

The OP's partner isn't doing what you are doing, he's not washing for up to 4 days=rank.

Before the time of deodorant I would have remained celibate :)

OP not sure if I've offended you?
Hopefully not, as it's just my opinion after all.
If I have it was not intentional.

Anyway, if DP smells as fragrant as you say, why post?

I stand by my thoughts though that armpits, feet and fanjos need to be washed before leaving the house. No matter what has happened the night before.

Especially when doing bedroom business with a man who hasn't showered for three days in this heat.

Jan, people are commenting that the op should sort her own hygiene out before worrying about her DP's because she dares to shower in the evening rather than the morning.

Showering twice a day = extreme (unless you've done something that made you sweat copiously eg strenuous exercise, or dirty eg garden/decorating work). Not showering for a few days = extreme. Somewhere in the middle = normal, and people vary in how quickly they start to whiff. Let's not judge each other with 'you have to wash twice a day, you're not properly clean otherwise', any more than we say 'you have to eat 3 square meals a day, you're not properly nourished otherwise'.

Ewwww . There's no way he can't be whiffy, OP! I reckon you've just grown accustomed to it. It is really not normal to wait until bedtime to brush your teeth. How can you DTD with him when he's not showered for a few days

Who in their right mind wakes up and doesn't brush their teeth? Isn't that pretty much the first thing anyone does??

Beautifully no, no offence taken, I was being playful (hard to convey tone online I realise!)

Jan just to clarify, as I mentioned upthread, DP now usually showers every other day. Not perfect, but an improvement.

My post was mainly about the teeth brushing issue. Whilst his breath is usually fine, his teeth are badly stained (and I'd bet liable to fall out before he reaches retirement age). I've so far avoided saying this to him, but think it may have reached the point where I have to be more blunt.

Phew OP!

I did actually wonder there because of the ha -but decided to err on the side of caution. .

This hopefully is a lighthearted thread unlike the new one where there is MH issues. As you haven't mentioned anything like that, it's safe to assume your DP is a lazy whiffer.

Can you change tatic and lavish him with praise when he's fresh. As in all over him.
He might think he's onto a good thing!

Seriously though, I would be firm and tough about the teeth. For his own health. Gum infections are not nice and can lead to other health problems.
Also dental care is not cheap.

Good luck OP!

Me and my DP shower once a day, brush teeth twice a day, but we may go the odd day without a shower, or forget to brush before bed. Oh well, were still all over each other and he smells delicious.

Going by most peoples posts here, no one DTD in the morning after a sweaty night, and before a morning shower and brush then? Pfffhahaha.

Some people are very uptight.

OP - You obviously care about your DP and want the best for him, so voice your concern about his dental health.

Not everyone sweats and smells though. The teeth thing, granted, he SHOULD brush at least once, but the shower thing....some people stink if they don't shower once a day, but I have known people to go four or five days and still smell fresh. Some people smell more than others.

I read somewhere that as bad dental hygiene can lead to gum disease, this in turn can lead to heart disease in later life.

He should brush his teeth and floss every day. Why neglect basic health matters due to laziness?

The other thing is dental treatment is so expensive and painful that it makes sense to try and look after your teeth yourself.

I know someone, who when they were having mental health issues, neglected to brush their teeth and then got very painful gums. They then had to have injections (anti-biotic I'm guessing) and have the crap scraped off. Prevention better than cure I'd say.

Oh, my gosh, I just don't get this.

There is no way I can leave the house in the morning without a shower or bath and brushing my teeth.

It's not fair on the people around him to be so unhygienic. It's a good job he hasn't got colleagues - they would be talking about him and leaving a deodorant on his desk. I wouldn't even eat garlic on a school night out of respect for the people I work closely with.

He is just plain lazy. Where is his pride and self-respect?

I couldn't be with someone with this level of hygiene. Its a basic requisite, and lack of would be a deal breaker for me.

DH and I both shower morning and night, brush and floss twice a day. I wouldn't want to be intimate with a man who didn't brush his teeth twice a day and wash daily. Grim.

I really done get this obsession with perfumed bodies.

What is wrong with the body in it's natural state?

I only brush my teeth once a day unless some special occasion, and will sometimes go 2/3 days without. My breath doesn't smell and I haven't needed a filling for 18 years.

I have a bath once a week.

I have never had any complaints from any partners.

Weatherall, I get ya! Too much washing is pretty bad because you wash all your natural oils away and also your body becomes immune....all the people I know who shower all the time are also the stinkiest!!

^ ^