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Original poster

Does this seem weird?

26 replies

LittleDonkeyKong · 03/08/2014 22:45

So on Thursday I get a bolt out of the blue! Through the wonderful world of facebook I received a message from a bloke who I dated for a month 16 years ago when I was 15 and lost my virginity to him. 5 years ago he messaged me to but I was happily married (I am now going through a divorce) Both times he has messaged me asking to meet up, obviously 5 years ago I said no but I am thinking about meeting him on Friday night for a drink. The thing is he seems VERY convinced that we are going to have a relationship and is being very full on saying that he wants to "make our lives worthwhile and be happy" and that he should never have dumped me! I don't know weather to be extremely flattered or extremely cautious.

OP posts:
MandyPambey · 03/08/2014 22:53

Have you considered that he may have sent a similar message to every woman he's ever been associated with?

TheWorldAccordingToJC · 03/08/2014 22:53

He's a freak

Next

TheLostPelvicFloorOfPoosh · 03/08/2014 22:56

Extremely weird. I would be avoiding like the plague.

Original poster
LittleDonkeyKong · 03/08/2014 23:00

I seriously don't know weather to give him the benefit of the doubt. I guess I'm just too nice Confused

OP posts:
pictish · 03/08/2014 23:01

The thing is he seems VERY convinced that we are going to have a relationship and is being very full on saying that he wants to "make our lives worthwhile and be happy" and that he should never have dumped me! I don't know weather to be extremely flattered or extremely cautious.

Extremely cautious.

momnipotent · 03/08/2014 23:02

I don't see what the harm is in meeting him for a drink?

Friend on standby/fake phone number ready, etc, of course, but if it's in public what's the problem?

I might be naive too!

TheWorldAccordingToJC · 03/08/2014 23:02

Benefit of the doubt? Don't be naive

If he'd messaged you asking if you fancy a drink and a catch up - normal...

The other full on stuff? Abnormal

newnamesamegame · 03/08/2014 23:03

I would run for the hills... It suggests a) he tries this line routinely with anyone he thinks would look twice at him b) he is worryingly obsessed by you to the point of being a stalker or c) he is entitled or potentially abusive.

Meet him if you want out of curiosity but have guard right up...

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 03/08/2014 23:05

You dated him for a month, 16 years ago.

You don't know this man. All you know about him is that he contacts married women on FB and tries to hook up with them.

Original poster
LittleDonkeyKong · 03/08/2014 23:06

See I was thinking that he might wear his heart on his sleeve and us women are always on the look out for a guy that is open with his emotions and how he feels and might just be jumping the gun as he's happy I'm now single?

I've heard of people holding a torch for someone they hardly know.

I guess we are both naïve mom!

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 03/08/2014 23:07

I think you are too naive. Seriously you should have been weirded out. He sounds like a creep.

TheWorldAccordingToJC · 03/08/2014 23:07

Don't say we didn't warn you

Original poster
LittleDonkeyKong · 03/08/2014 23:08

I'm guessing he may have looked at my profile/cover pics on FB as everyones are public and seen I am no longer wearing my wedding ring which is very obvious in one particular picture.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleDonkeyKong · 03/08/2014 23:09

God I hate being single! This dating game is a bloody minefield! Everybody is a suspect!

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleDonkeyKong · 03/08/2014 23:12

He didn't know I was married when he text me 5 years ago and he had just had his divorce finalised from his wife

OP posts:
Floop · 03/08/2014 23:12

Complete weirdo.

Also- definitely hedging its bets for shag. Its easier to shag someone you've already slept with. No 'new' harm done.

Be completely cautious of anyone offering the world out of nowhere.

Original poster
LittleDonkeyKong · 03/08/2014 23:15

I can assure you there would be no shagging going on!

OP posts:
wafflyversatile · 03/08/2014 23:20

either he has the potential to be a stalker or he is saying what he thinks you want to hear to get a shag.

Ignore!

SwedishEdith · 03/08/2014 23:21

Be very cautious. I feel a little creepy just reading it and I'm not meeting him. Honestly, normal people would just ask if you want to meet for a coffee or an early drink or something. They don't talk about making your lives worthwhile and happy and that they should never have let you go after going out with each other for a month 16 years ago

aylesburyduck · 04/08/2014 07:29

I'd lay money on the fact that he's used that line before.

Sounds like he is good at chatting women into bed.

Avoid.

WildBillfemale · 04/08/2014 08:12

I've noticed that when people themselves get divorced they revert back to the last time they were single and seek out old friends they knew from that time. It takes a while to realize that the world has carried on turning and all those people from back them have moved on too. I've had several messages from old flames that fit the above pattern, some have asked to meet up. I wouldn't read too much into it - just the newly single trying to find their feet again.
This bloke hasn't seen you for 16 years - He's hankering for a past situation through rose tinted glasses. His life is probably shit right now.
I wouldn't bother meeting, look forward to knew people don't dig up old flames.

GoatsDoRoam · 04/08/2014 09:16

Definitely do not meet him. If that creepy-as-fuck message has you all in a tizzy thinking : "Oh, he might be genuine and just open with his emotions!", then you are far too vulnerable to be taken in by creepsters. He is looking to take advantage of gullibility. Don't fall for it.

Yes, dating is a minefield. The oft-touted rule of thumb is that you should only date when you are completely happy on your own: then your standards will be high enough to only entertain a relationship with someone who is worth it.

Original poster
LittleDonkeyKong · 04/08/2014 09:23

I am completely happy on my own. I have been separated from my husband for 17 months and I don't need a man in my life to be happy. My confidence is at an all time high since leaving my husband but I guess I always try to see the best in people.

OP posts:
newnamesamegame · 04/08/2014 09:30

seeing the best in people is a good trait, but taking it to the point where you ignore screaming red flags is a self-destructive one.

You may be right that you are feeling happy and self confident, but I would be concerned that you don't appear to see anything odd in his behaviour. Telling someone who you dated a long long time ago and have had almost no contact with since (and who has just emerged from a marriage) that you believe you are destined to be together (or words to that effect) is just not healthy behaviour.

It suggests that he is either very vulnerable mentally, that he has absolutely no sense of what is socially appropriate or that he is presuming a whole bunch of things about you, who he hardly knows. None of these scenarios bodes well for your having a balanced and healthy relationship.

I may be wrong, but I just would be very careful.

LEMmingaround · 04/08/2014 09:32

He might just be after a shag. Fine.

The alternative is he is an emotional fuckwit and will become a stalker. Not fine.

He is a normal well adjusted guy who just wants to start dating again - I doubt it