to be sad and confused?

[MicrochipsAndMemories]

DW and I have been together for 5 years, married for 3. We have a 3 month old baby. We have had sex twice since we got married. I am still as much in love with her as I ever have been. Even more so since she gave birth but the feeling doesn't seem to be reciprocated.

She says she loves me but barely even touches me any more. The closest I get to a kiss is a quick peck when I leave for work and just before bed. No snogging! I hate that word but it's the one that fits. I miss it. No hugs unless I instigate it. If I say to her that she never hugs or kisses any more she just replies with well come and give me one then. I'm sick of begging for affection. I just want to feel wanted.
I could put up with no sex (for a while) if only there was SOME sort of affection but I get nothing.
How do I fix this?

She is currently upstairs and I am crying on the sofa typing this after we had a stupid argument over nothing at 6pm and haven't spoken since. The baby will wake soon to be fed so I need to go up with his bottle soon.

Have you had sex twice since the baby or since you got married?

Since we got married. We haven't had sex at all in the past year and a half at least.

Where did the baby come from?

3month old baby and you havent had sex in 1.5yrs at least?

Ummm

EH?!

Nice one

Your wife is obviously having sex to have a 3 month old baby.

You muppet

Oh bless.

Basic maths error

I think the baby might be via sperm donation, so 1.5 years could be correct.

Op, have you spoken to your dw, really sat down and listened to why she says, without making her fell guilty or pressured?

Same sex couple maybe, sperm donor baby?

The baby came from her womb. Via IVF.

Have you spoken to each other though

Yes we've spoken. I've told her it feels like we're housemates. She had no reply. She doesn't know why she doesn't feel like sex she just doesn't. It's not much to go on.

Sorry, stupid blinkered assumption that you were a man

What does she say when you talk to her about the lack of sex?

Is she willing to do anything about it?
Sexless marriages don't work if one person wants sex and the other one doesn't.

Going through IVF, pregnancy and have a small baby, will do major hormonal disruption to many women's sex drive, but it sounds like it was a problem even before that, and it also sounds quite severe.

If she is willing to work on it, then it can be approached with tiny steps so she feels safe and in control, but it takes a willingness on both sides.

Without being too harsh, I honestly believe it won't change, 5 years is a long time, I think only you can decide if you are willing to stay in a sex less relationship.

Do you have shared custody of tge little girl?

Right. that makes sense. Sorry i assumed you were a dh not also a dw

Do you think she feels pressured? I dont necessarily mean by you but maybe in herself. - its just it happened to me after having my son and again after a miscarriage. Dh wasnt pressuring me but i didnt want it, which made me feel bad, so i was putting pressure on myself to do it, which made me want it less, which made me feel worse, which made me put more pressure on myself, which not only made me want sex less but made me hate cuddles abd kisses incase they were leading somewhere, etc. I was stuck in this never ending spiral. My counsellor told me to take sex firmly off the cards, to agree with dh that we would not have sex for a month but that cuddles and kisses were fine. This took the pressure off - i knew cuddles and kisses werent going anywhere and within a week i initiated more and we were having sex again (and rather a lot of it).

It's not been sexless for 5 years. we had sex pretty regularly for the first few years but then it just stopped.

Ok, yeah. I thought you were a guy too, was about be like "Bad news buddy..."

Sex twice in 3 years? Ouch.

I know having a baby can really kill your libido for a bit. It's probably biology so you don't have too many kids at once. Totally bullshitting I had no idea. Me and DH have only had sex once since DD was born 4 months ago. It's hard to find time. Told him to plan a weekend off and we were sending DD to my parents and having time for just us. It just hasn't happened yet because of his work schedule.

I definitely did not feel sexy for a while after having DD. Still feel a bit pudgy, and weird. Also, sex feels different afterwards. So.. That could also have something to do with it. It can take a bit of figuring out where your new "spot" is.

It's a definite worry op.

If it was just the sex, that would be one problem, but no hugs, kisses or affection at all is a tough one.

Was she affectionate before? Did it all stop at the same time?

I'm sympathetic to your situation but I'm not sure that when you have a very small baby is the time to tackle it. You might need to be patient.