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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Give me some tips to put the sparkle back in to my marriage

66 replies

naswm · 15/09/2006 13:49

DH and I have been together for 16 years. Married for 11. Two kids aged 4 and 2. We have had quite a lot of stress over that time due to unfortunate events, illness and otherwise. This has undoubtedly put a strain on our relationship. To the extent that we are now acquantances living together, who sometimes have sex, rather man and wife. It would be so easy to drift apart further. How can I stop that happening? I think we still love each other but there is no sparkle. Will we carry on like this until the kids leave home, then separate? (once nothing is keeping us together, I mean?)

PS DH works long hours so we hardly see him during the week - and the weekends are usualy full with me doing chores, him spending time with the kids etc, although I do try to get us all to have a meal togehter on Sunday, and go to the park or similar.

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 27/09/2006 18:20

AND ARSE TO THAT NAME!!!!! Boot it out of here, BRING BACK BIG AND STRONG!!!!

Original poster
naswm · 27/09/2006 18:25

I will try so hard to 'go with the flow' on Saturday night. I really will. I want our marriage to work - but I shall have to do a lot of pretending....

I didnt like Big and Strong btw - and now I feel so far removed from being Big and Strong that naswm is the most appropriate name for me atm. I have been a fool today and definitely not a strong person

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 27/09/2006 18:32

ok sweetheart. If it isn't working yet, it will. Maybe bigandstrong was a step too far. Tiny steps make a stronger path. I know it might feel like pretending but a little bit might seem ok and thats a start. Just because the sparkle isn't there atm doesn't mean its all over. Be strong, I'm listening, I'm here, and I'm following......x.

Original poster
naswm · 27/09/2006 18:36

frumpy that is so kind. And means so much. I am afraid to go on about it to my friends in RL becuase I dont want them to think 'oh no, here she goes again'. But saying that, very few people in RL know about it. Most prob just see us as a typical 2.4 children happy family. How wrong

OP posts:
FatThighs · 27/09/2006 21:36

what made you fancy your partner when you first met him?

FatThighs · 27/09/2006 21:36

what made you fancy your partner when you first met him?

Original poster
naswm · 27/09/2006 21:48

cant remeber

OP posts:
Original poster
naswm · 27/09/2006 21:48

how sad is that?

OP posts:
Original poster
naswm · 27/09/2006 21:49

but we usesd to have great sex

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 27/09/2006 21:52

So don't tell them, let them think whatever they like. True, true and trusted friends would know if something was up and be interested.

I don't socialise anymore with people I don't care about. I just find it too hard and too much of a waste of time. I shed them all once I realised it and I'm happier for it. I have one really good friend but even then, I wouldn't tell her some of what I've posted on here.

So, what are you going to wear? Time to paint your nails? (even a quick clear coat makes you feel different)

frumpygrumpy · 27/09/2006 21:53

oh hello, x posts

Original poster
naswm · 27/09/2006 21:53

frunmpy?

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 27/09/2006 21:56

Hi, I was replying to your earlier post and now it doesn't make sense!

Original poster
naswm · 28/09/2006 18:44

sorry frumpy - please ignore everything I said last night. Had bit too much wine

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 02/10/2006 13:57

Hi naswm, no worries about anything you posted, nothing bad there! How was the weekend, did Saturday night work out?

divasmum · 02/10/2006 15:03

I dought that there is someone who can help me,but let me try!!!!!
My husband sais that is in love and wants to leave me because of a 20y old woman,which he cnows from 2 months.Still we make sex,better than ever,married since 4 years 2 children 2y and 4months old.He s still confused sad that he loves me but is very much in love with her.HELP ME KEEP HIM

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