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Original poster

Is it possible to turn an Eeyore into a Tigger?

32 replies

oliveoil · 15/09/2006 10:52

I know in the grand scheme of things that my 'problem' is small but anyway, thought I would share.

Dh is a born moaner and always glass half empty. My nickname for him is Victor Meldrew as he moans and grumbles all the time.

Thing is, it is getting very very wearing and tiring to be the 'up' person for two. Every day I am trying to jivvy him up and point out the positve and quite frankly it is getting on my nerves.

Whether it's "we will never get a parking space" to "she will never eat veg" (!) it is continuous.

And at the moment we are toying with emigrating to Australia and the thought of the upheavel with grumpy bollocks is not good.

How can I change him? Can you change someone's outlook? Do I just continue to put up with it?

It is not a 'deal breaker' type of behaviour at all, like violence etc but I dread him coming home sometimes when the first thing he does is moan.

xx

PS Am at work, so may have to bob in and out of this thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
oliveoil · 15/09/2006 11:41

small bump as I am due to phone the gimp at 12 and need to know if I keep sctum or let rip

OP posts:
Twiglett · 15/09/2006 11:43

just let it all boil up until it explodes out of your mouth in a stream of consciouness screech

well that's what I'd do anyway

(no its not possible to change them .. but maybe he could, if he was so minded, try to reduce the negativity slightly)

HappyDaddy · 15/09/2006 11:43

Have you pointed this out to him? My mum always used to say that "it's being so miserable that keeps you happy". Wasn't until DW pointed it out that i realised quite how much i looked on the dark side of everything.

Original poster
oliveoil · 15/09/2006 11:46

I mention it ALL THE TIME and have a feeling I may be a nagging shrew

but it drives me insane

dd2 is a bad sleeper, so what, deal with it

but no, he has to moan and sigh and say sarcastically "see you in ten mins" when she goes to bed, "what's the point of watching a film?"

and then she sleeps through 7-7 while I sit there smirking

House viewing went really positive "they were a lovely couple weren't they?" "yeah, but full of bollocks, we will never sell"

I could go on

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 15/09/2006 11:46

Hmm. Hard one. Not unfamiliar in this house either and the same way round. Have you told him he's acting like a complete miseryguts and it's very, very boring? I know this sounds dead harsh but I have found a bit of laying it on the line is essential... Does he know you feel the way you do? Does he think his outlook is normal?

Original poster
oliveoil · 15/09/2006 11:48

His dad is the same and I fear that I will turn into my MIL, on eggshells all the time in case of a mood swing

OP posts:
wartywarthog · 15/09/2006 11:48

you could try a couple of tactics:

-point it out every time he does it.
-ignore it.
-imitate him to the extreme. mope around for days until he is forced into being the up beat one. give him a taste of his own medicine.
-lose your rag and get it off your chest.

i'd try them all in quick succession.

Original poster
oliveoil · 15/09/2006 11:50

warty - I do all those!

I usually sigh and leave the room

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 15/09/2006 11:53

God- tell me about it. Hate walking on eggshells around bad moods. Wish i had some useful advice. I usually go through a cycle which begins with sympathy and extra affection, morphs into ignoring him whilst seething and ends in a blazing row. Things then stabilise until the next time...

HappyDaddy · 15/09/2006 11:55

The thing is that walking on eggshells only affects you, cos he probably doesn't notice it. Mood swings in our house are dealt with quite abruptly, e.g. "if you're going to continue being childish and moody, then piss off out and stop making us all miserable". A short row ensues and all is resolved.

Original poster
oliveoil · 15/09/2006 11:57

he is frequently told to f off out and leave his mood outside

oh I don't know, he is lovely but drives me mad in equal measure

I just feel that I am the only one doing anything productive to move our lives along, while he wallows about in his black mist

off for lunch now, may go and spend £20 on overpriced food in M&S to cheer myself up

OP posts:
bran · 15/09/2006 11:57

If you don't mind me ask OO, what did you find attractive about him when you first got together? Was he always like this but it didn't bother you so much at first, or has he gradually become this way?

Original poster
oliveoil · 15/09/2006 11:59

he has always been slightly negative iirc

what maybe makes me notice things more is that I always look on the bright side and don't understand why he can't, I see a silver lining in any situation

maybe his moods didn't bother me so much when we didn't have children as life was more fun then and he didn't have any pressure?

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 15/09/2006 12:05

Good idea re food. Does he work and does he like his job? Mine has gone through periods of hating his but recently has been "acting up" and was a transformed character in many ways. (Not that i want him transformed- he's lovely as he is apart from occasional tendency to low mood but ykwim). Person he was filling the boots of has unfortunately returned to post and this has precipitated a dive into the slough of despond it seems but seeing how different things can be when his brain was stretched a little was a real eyeopener, i must say. Will def be pushing him to do some job applications for more meaty posts...

Original poster
oliveoil · 15/09/2006 12:57

He does work, for the family business, done it for years

Good pay and hours so has nothing to complain about (imo)

I just feel like Groundhog Day - he goes off on one, I try and cheer him up, he says he is fine (but clearly not), then stand off ensues, row, then silence

Then apologies from him, which I accept

but nothing changes

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

OP posts:
NannyStar · 15/09/2006 13:20

sorry but you made me snort out loud @ 'grumpy bollocks' oliveoil and i'm in a very quiet library!!!

tubismybub · 15/09/2006 13:21

My DH was a tigger when we met but gradually over the last three years he has morphed into eeyore. He so negative about everything it really gets me down which i don't need as i'm already on AD's for post natal depression. I agree with you OO it's so hard trying to bouy him up all the time and get him to see the positives, despite my post natal depression i still happen to think we have so much to be gratefull for. I have brought up the subject and he recognises he is a miserable git but says he can't change. We've just come back from holiday and it was the longest week of my life between DS teething and him moaning and sighing and generally not being able to cope with DS difficult behaviour (he's going through a pleasant constant screeching phase) I couldn't wait to get home and send the miserable arse back to work. Sorry no helpfull advise there at all really!

NannyStar · 15/09/2006 13:27

OMG YOU GUYS!!!!! Stop talking about eeyores and tiggers as your husbands! You just made me laugh out loud in the library now!

Spagblog · 15/09/2006 13:34

grumpy bollocks was good, but - "phone the gimp" made me shoot tea out my nose.

I have a Victor Meldrew. It's a bugger isn't it.

Tell him that his constant negative comments are depressing you. Make him say 10 nice positive things for every miserable thing he says.

tubismybub · 15/09/2006 13:37

but it's such a perfect analogy nannystar. I would even prefer it if he turned into that wittering ninny piglet to be honest. (although have you noticed that piglet and pooh are always holding hands and walking off into the sunset together) hmmm............. wanders off to watch neighbours and ponder the sexually dynamics in hundred acre wood.....................

Cappuccino · 15/09/2006 13:40

I am an Eeyore

and if dh started nagging me about it I would get worse

he just cheers me up; his positive attitude rubs off and he just laughs at me being a misery now, and I laugh back

Original poster
oliveoil · 15/09/2006 13:49

I didn't have you down as a moaning git Cappuccino

tubismybub - lol at you shoving the moaning arse back to work.

He came in on Tuesday and I just knew from the slamming of bags on the floor that doom was afoot, whinging on, moaning, whilst my girls were looking up at him wanting to show him drawings they had done etc

OP posts:
NannyStar · 15/09/2006 15:24

I agree it's a perfect analogy tubismybub...just really made me laugh in the library and everyone turned around and scowled at me...I'd class them as Rabbits....p.s. does anyone remember Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh? She was my favourite character!

As i'm feeling like a Tigger, I've put a link to a Rabbit site

joelallie · 15/09/2006 17:09

My nickname was Eeyore at school I tend to be a bit of a pessimist when I'm tired and look at the black side of everything. But generally the next day everything is brighter. DH on the other hand ignores problems when they need dealing with. I guess that makes his a Tigger but bloody annoying he is too sometimes. However when he hits a downer he is such a misery - he sulks and mopes and snaps at everyone. I often tell him to p*ss off to the pub and the gym and bring someone else down.

No I'm not that patient I'm afraid. I have 3 kids to worry about - not playing mummy to DH too.

christie1 · 16/09/2006 03:47

what about a non-confrontational sit down and talk about how his attitude affects you and does he want the kids to go through live with a glass half full kind of attitude. Tell him his kids will start to act that way. When he moans, refuse to listen. When my dh does this, I tell him I will not listen to him complaining. Or, try this, say ok, you have 10 minutes to rant and let it out. Use an egg timer. When his 10 minutes are up,he has to change the subject. IF he starts to moan again, don't listen or get sucked into in. I do find that my dh (who was raised by an eeore mum) is much better. Is he a sunny guy all the time, no, they call him the happy crumdgeon at work, but he is much much better.

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