Is it possible to turn an Eeyore into a Tigger?

[oliveoil]

I know in the grand scheme of things that my 'problem' is small but anyway, thought I would share.

Dh is a born moaner and always glass half empty. My nickname for him is Victor Meldrew as he moans and grumbles all the time.

Thing is, it is getting very very wearing and tiring to be the 'up' person for two. Every day I am trying to jivvy him up and point out the positve and quite frankly it is getting on my nerves.

Whether it's "we will never get a parking space" to "she will never eat veg" (!) it is continuous.

And at the moment we are toying with emigrating to Australia and the thought of the upheavel with grumpy bollocks is not good.

How can I change him? Can you change someone's outlook? Do I just continue to put up with it?

It is not a 'deal breaker' type of behaviour at all, like violence etc but I dread him coming home sometimes when the first thing he does is moan.

xx

PS Am at work, so may have to bob in and out of this thread.

I'm married to a Pooh .. he's so slow at reaching a decision (although its invariably the right one) that a glacier could have engulfed our house between the 'would you like a cup of tea' and 'yes'

I kid ye not .... it takes him 20 minutes or so to decide ... He has been known to answer a question I asked 3 weeks before

I have given up asking him anything

oh god OO you have my sympathies.
I am a Tigger (well a sort of sarky Tigger) married to an Eeyore and when we were first together it was all sort of gooey and romantic for me to cheer him up out of his gloominess and I got quite a kick out of it.
We seemed to balance each other out IYSWIM.
but since we have had children I find it incredibly wearing, tbh. Imo trying to change him is just going to be even more draining.
my tactics are to apply a liberal dose of humour/brisk chirpiness. and to just accept accept accept and try to balance it out with the dds by being as positive as possible. And, again this is maybe not what you want to hear, I try to loook for mood refreshment (?) and emotional supprt (someone to keep me "up") outside of the marriage.
When I am really irritated by it, I try to immediately concentrate HARD on dh's really good points (and there are many many of those) or I engage him in physical contact I kiss or cuddle him or in the old days something more which takes the heat out of the moment.
in all fairness I expect living with a big bouncy Tigger like me is probably incredibly wearing too, and I sometimes try and focus on that.
sorry for the long rant.

Bloody hooray for me. I'm definitely a Tigger and am married to an Eeyore and can relate completely to you OO. I feel such relief that someone else out there is married to someone like my DH (doesn't help you I know!). Thing is, my DH is lovely, he's strong and supportive when the chips are seriously down (illness etc) but such doom and gloom generally over small stuff. At times I could scream. He used to be more Tigger-like but had an accident 10 years ago which left him with Eeyore-like tendancies and when I'm at work and he has a day off I don't want to come home sometimes. Left to his own devices he morphs into giant-sized Eeyore and DOES MY HEAD IN.

ahem, "can't help you", is the upshot of my post OO!

just love the phrase tiggers and eeyores
iam a tigger most off the time an dh is definatly an eeyore it drives me mad that nothing is done unless i suggest it/organise it
he has no get up and go and just plods along through life!! definatly like eeyore

I am the eyore and dh is the Tigger. If you want the view from the other side stop being so goddamn boucy and try moaning occasionally instead. I know that when dh moans (VERY rare) I find it quite disturbing but I find myself looking on the positive side for him.

These are just roles and we have a tendency to play one or the other. In a healthy relationship we should all do a bit of both. Being constatly cheery and positive may mean you are not always realistic about the problems that may occur so the eeyore in the relationship takes up the slack and does all the worrying.

Try worrying out loud to your dh a bit more and see if that makes him more upbeat and supportive.

Agree with Lazycow. If you moan along with him maybe he'll be a bit more positive to balance it out. - or of course. it might a depressive spiral !

I am a tigger and dh is an Eyore.
It has made me seriously consider leaving him.

However things have improved in the last few months following a strategy similar to Lazycow's suggestion.

I have started to act slightly less capapbe than I really am!
That seems to put a spring in his step because his basic problem is he thinks I don't really need him in any real sense .

Try it to see if it works.

Also I com,pletely ignore his bad moods and never try to talk him out of them. When he moans about something I pretend to agree ( usually I don't really) and that perks him up a bit too!