Could this be innocent

[echofood]

DH was away for a night with work, there is a text message at midnight to female colleague saying 'think had one too many, wishing you were here now' and she replied 'lol, maybe next time'

If they were having a full blown affair, she would have already been there. No-one in an affair would "waste" an opportunity like that - a hotel room paid for by someone else.

I think the obv explanation is that they were both up for it but he got too pissed. He said 'wish you were here now' once he'd sobered up a bit and she's saying maybe next time as in 'you've had your chance piss off'

Thanks everyone for your comments although they're mostly not what I really wanted to hear (although what I was thinking myself). Just keeping an eye on things at the moment as not sure what else I can do based on just that

I think you either have to force him to revisit his ridiculous explanation or snoop a bit. Otherwise you are in danger of letting it drift and then allowing time to numb the impact it has has on you in order to almost voluntarily forget exactly what was said.

Which is fine if that is your preferred approach.

Sorry OP it's shit, and you shouldn't have to deal with it

OP, you don't have to accept his lie, you know it's not true, it would eat away at me until I had all the facts.

Well I've been snooping in his work emails and there are a lot to midnight woman but nothing about that night they are all about work but quite 'familiar' in the way they talk to each other. He is still sticking to his story about the message

Tbh I don't agree that it is completely dodgy. It's only dodgy I think because you (and most other posters) are seeing it with suspicious eyes. I've done loads of things that may look suspicious to an a outsider but have been totally innocent.

Could it have been that she would normally entertain these clients or been better at it and he was regretting going and getting so drunk? Maybe they had discussed earlier who would be the one to take the clients out and she said no and he said yes in which case he is saying he basically wished she'd done it? To was there to help? That would fit in with the 'maybe next time' as in maybe i'll do the next one? That's certainly something I'd say to a colleague. Dh has said similar to his clients but that's make to make so wouldn't sound suspicious. Not all male and female colleagues are having affairs!

Mumsnet is sadly full of people who have been on the receiving end of affairs etc so I don't think you'll get a balanced view here. You know your dh so will know if this is something he's capable of or if he's secretive generally. At this stage I don't think there's anything you can do as it's not clear cut enough I don't think.
If she was not on the night at all - given it's a work night then I think it's innocent as she would have gone as it's a prime opportunity with hotel etc.

Sorry for typos ...male to male not make to make!

No mention he text her from hotel itself is there?

He said he was at his hotel when he sent it although the message just said that he'd just left the clients so she may have thought he was still out somewhere. she couldn't go cause she was away somewhere else

See I dont think he'd admit to sending it from his hotel if it was dodgy. You don't know when he went to bed etc so he could have just said he met some mates etc afterwards and sent it then? Saying he sent it from the hotel makes it sound worse which I think you'd only do if it was innocent.

No, his explanation doesn't make sense.

He said 'just left the x lot', and then says 'wish you were here now'. If he meant she would've enjoyed their company, why does he say he wishes she was there now, i.e. after he's left them....?

It's dodgy as fuck, it means what it obviously means, and I say this as someone who's never knowingly been cheated on.

text her as him and see what happens?

Sorry you are going through this turmoil.

I think people may be underestimating how drunk he may have been though. I've sent texts that I didn't even know I'd sent...hasn't meant that I meant anything written in them. None over thinks texts when seriously pissed. Sometimes I've not discovered them for days until looking over my phone. On it's own, it's odd at most but without any other evidence such as hiding phone (which he didn't), hiding emails (he hasn't) etc etc then all you can do is monitor. They may just be overly flirty and enjoying the banter ....in my younger working environment there's lots of flirty banter going on between married colleagues but it never goes further than that and whilst it is inappropriate, a chat from you may put an end to that and stop it going further.

I don't think he could have been that drunk jamtoast as message had correct spelling which I know he can't do when he's properly wasted

Do you think he's capable of carrying on? That's what it comes down to. Many people are capable of flirting etc but affairs are a different thing. Either way I hope you are doing okay

I would say no I don't think he would and it hadn't crossed my mind before but reading other threads on here it seems most people who've discovered stuff would have said that before

I'd avoid the threads, this is a very concentrated environment. People don't post unless there's an issue really so try not to compare as each situation is different. Good luck :)