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Original poster

Could this be innocent

68 replies

echofood · 26/07/2014 11:20

DH was away for a night with work, there is a text message at midnight to female colleague saying 'think had one too many, wishing you were here now' and she replied 'lol, maybe next time'

OP posts:
Vivacia · 26/07/2014 17:43

There's a lie detector coming onto the market soon- honestly- was in the press last week, trialled by a couple in The Times.. Can see it will be snapped up.

Dear God no, I hope not.

mammadiggingdeep · 26/07/2014 17:58

I'm sorry but that is not innocent. There is only one thing to read into that: he wishes she was there, at midnight. She replied 'maybe next time'. Dodgy.

What do you want to do now?

Wrapdress · 26/07/2014 17:58

Yeah, his excuse makes no sense considering he wanted to see her after he left the clients.

handfulofcottonbuds · 26/07/2014 18:04

And if he wanted to be sneaky would he not have deleted that message?

A few possible reasons why, arrogance? Stupidity? Or maybe he wanted it to be found, some men do leave these things to be found, I know my stbxh did.

echo - I'm guessing that you checked his phone because you had some suspicions?

RedJeans · 26/07/2014 18:09

I think aylesbury's post could provide an innocent explanation, it could either be
"do you wish you were here now?" As in, do you wish you had come to the dinner/drinks
Or "I wish you were here now" depending on what punctuation has been missed out. Former is innocent, latter not, his reply to your questioning seems to fit the former but not sure how you can find out which he really meant!

Original poster
echofood · 26/07/2014 18:53

No I didn't actually have any suspicions, was looking for a message I'd sent him so not expecting to see anything.

OP posts:
NumberOneFan · 26/07/2014 18:56

I too was going to suggest maybe there was a missing question Mark. As in she decided not to join them, so he sent her a shorthand Version of...

"It was a good night in the end, we ended up drinking and I had one too many!, Do you wish you were here now ? "

But his response has confused me a bit now Confused

pinkfrocks · 26/07/2014 19:31

He could of course had simply meant he wished she were there ( or rather had been there) as a colleague, with the clients.

Texts are not the best way to communicate with anyone- words are omitted, sense can be lost, ambiguity all round.

His explanation makes sense to me.

Unless you have other reasons to be worried OP I'd let this go but have the 'chat'- which means you have to tell him how you'd feel if he was chasing someone and where that would leave your marriage- just so he knows.

SlicedAndDiced · 26/07/2014 20:00

If you believe that you are a total mug Grin

Sorry op, but come on!

Some of the explanations on here are just silly, it would just be desperation to believe them. He text what he meant.

lavenderhoney · 26/07/2014 23:01

What's he like after one too many? Wants sex? If so, there's your answer. He sent her a message saying so and she cheerfully replies, knowing there will be a next time.

Sorry. And his response to you was pathetic.

Original poster
echofood · 27/07/2014 11:35

Yes he normally does lavender

OP posts:
CalamityKate1 · 27/07/2014 11:38

Lol @ the suggested innocent explanations!

No wonder men get away with so much, so often.

upnotdown · 27/07/2014 11:48

Doesn't sound innocent at all. I wouldn't be happy with OH sending that drunk or sober.

Why is he getting drunk on a business trip anyway? I understand making sure your clients have a good time but surely he's meant to stay sober and professional?

Is he not good at self-control, OP? I'd be really annoyed with him.

TheCraicDealer · 27/07/2014 12:13

Yeah, there's no way this is innocent. Not saying he's shagging her, but he definitely fancies her and there's got to be a backstory of banter and flirting here. Her response seems to be giving him the brush off somewhat. If she was keen it would be all "why? What do you want to do with me?", or something.

Either way, I don't envy you. I can stomach a bit of work frisson IRT the other half, but knowing about it and the fact they have the potential to stay over with drink on board...nah. This has crossed a line.

RedRoom · 27/07/2014 12:45

I'll just put what my unemotionally-invested gut reaction is.

'Wishing you were here now' given the context is a bit worrying. I can't think of an innocent reason for him to send that to a female colleague at midnight when he is alone in a hotel room after leaving the other work colleagues. He likes her company and has worded it in quite an intimate way. It is not the same 'God, please come and rescue me from this dull party' or 'So bored. Wish you were around for a drink.'

Her 'Maybe next time' to me indicates that it wasn't practical for them to be together, but when there's next a chance, they will.

I could be totally wrong, but that's my take on it.

SnotandBothered · 28/07/2014 00:27

'Wishing' is an emotive word. Texting ANYINE at midnight suggests a closeness. It feels intimate.

If, as some posters suggest, the 'wishing you were here now" referred to her being a bit square and curbing the drinking, it would have been past tense - "one too many, wished you'd been here (to say "no" to that fourth bottle".

He was drunk and wishing she was there.

With the best will (and least suspicious mind) in the world, I can only read it one way.

DaphneMoon1 · 28/07/2014 01:30

He's a sleazeball.

Sorry OP. I'd be packing his bags, personally.

FatherJake · 28/07/2014 02:58

I'm normally one to offer a defence when someone's being labelled as guilty without proper evidence.

But come on - there is absolutely no way that can be innocent. Not in a million years. Even if he'd said 'wish you'd been there' - it would have implied an odd intimacy but to say 'wishing you were here now' - it means what it says on the tin. And it strongly suggests they've already played around in the past.

KoalaDownUnder · 28/07/2014 03:28

What Wrapdress said.

I'm not an overly suspicious person, but if this is innocent, I'll eat my hat.

He was wishing she was in a hotel room alone with him at midnight, and her response suggests it's not the first time.

Jan45 · 28/07/2014 10:51

OFGS, yes he was getting down and dirty with his colleague, there is no other explanation.

Castlemilk · 28/07/2014 10:55

Inappropriate I know, but I am almost Grin at the thought that yes this could be innocent

  • He texted her WHEN HE WAS BACK AT HIS HOTEL, IN BED to say 'Wish you were HERE' (HERE - IN THE HOTEL ROOM. IN THE BED!)

Not 'Think I had one too many, it was a good crack though, wish you'd been there!' WHICH IS WHAT ABSOLUTELY ANYONE WHO COULD SPEAK ENGLISH CORRECTLY WOULD SAY!!!

OP I hope you are pointing this out to him. And then pointing to the packed suitcase.

Ignoring things doesn't make them go away and doesn't make you less miserable.

BramblePie · 28/07/2014 17:29

Yep, hes lying. Sorry

CarryOnDancing · 28/07/2014 18:05

What are the previous messages like between them?

It's a difficult one as he was drunk so his literacy skills would obviously be affected but there really aren't many excuses for the time. Although he would have been in work mode so that's a reason for thinking of her.

The only explanation I could think of was that he wished she was there with the clients because he'd got too drunk-and maybe embarrassed himself and/or the company. However you'd have to really squint to see it as the most plausible option!

Maybe the hotel room wasn't great and he'd messaged her earlier about it and was saying I wish you were here to suffer too.
I realise I'm being very fair and possibly clutching at straws!

How can access his emails?

Frontier · 28/07/2014 18:11

He was hoping but FWIW I don't think the woman has any intention of there being a next time. She was giving him the brush off in that don't want to upset anyone kind of way women often have.

Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 18:19

Sorry I'm confused....was he out with the clients when he text her?

Not that it's acceptable anyway.

If he texted from his hotel room he is a lying twunt....