How would an innocent person react

[Handmeawine]

Just that really if accused of cheating how would an innocent person behave vs a guilty one.

I know there is no cardboard cut out for each persons behaviour but any advice would be appreciated.

Just want to know if I am being a paranoid mess or my gut is right.

An ex boyfriend of mine once found a hotel key card in my purse that I'd picked up in my travels a couple of years prior - I'd never gotten round to emptying out my purse and chucking it! He was convinced I'd been up to something. My response was honestly to find it a bit amusing at first, simply because it was so outside the realms of possibility that I'd cheat! Then when he was still upset I did my best to reassure him. After a bit I did get a bit cheesed off (but out of mere frustration a not being believed). To me getting angry and storming off is a way of immediately deflecting blame from them for their bad behavior and making it 'all your fault' as it were....

My husband isn't insecure or jealous at all, so if he asked me about something he thought was dodgy I would do absolutely everything I could to reassure him. I wouldn't be cross or angry, more worried and upset for him and anxious to reassure him.

My ex cheated, and it was immediately obvious to me that he was lying. I just knew him too well. He became very. flushed, his excuses didn't seem plausible and kept changing slightly, and then he spent a lot of time deep in thought (no doubt trying to get his story together). Oh, and then he tried to accuse me of flirting with someone else!!

I had an old jacket hanging in the closet that only on/off got worn (growing in and out of it depending on weight), and my DH (of 2 years then) found some condoms in the pocket while looking for my keys.

He showed them to me and my reaction was first one of shock (how on earth have those got there?), and then rather bizarrely to laugh (when I remembered how).

Almost a decade ago I had gone to a university to look at some courses and had passed a 'sex education stall' that had shoved some condoms into my hand, which went into the pocket without thought, and obviously languished there ever since.

After the amusement on my part, it dawned on me that actually from his perspective, this wasn't funny, and I became a lot more serious and reassuring. Luckily it occurred to me to tell him to check the expiry date (which proved their antiquity!)

I have had a good amount of experience with my mates cheating. There are many variables that need to be taken into consideration when making your final conclusion of what you believe happened.

1. Do trust your gut instincts:

What we consider to be a "gut instinct or feeling" actually originates from your brains ability to pick up on cues that are not natural in response for the situation. For example, the accused/cheater was seen flirting earlier in the evening (not normal). If the person is normally a flirt, then your red flag for "flirting" wont be as heavily weighed as a variable to support your argument. However, if the two persons that are being accused are in a hotel room with the door locked and you bang on the door and.then eventually obtain a card key that unlocks the door and they are in the bed together, then it is ALMOST conclusive that cheating had taken place. This is where your instincts will kick in. What were their reactions as you entered the room? Pay attention to their facial expressions. Their faces will say it all. Did they verbally say anything? Positive verbal indicators are as simple as an apology to you OR a noticeable amount of effort put forth in trying to understand how the situation would probably look! When a person is approached (not blamed) and asked to explain a situation where they are undoubtedly caught with both hands in the cookie jar, anger is not a natural or logical response. Consoling the individual who's become distraught typically will be priority #1. You're caught in a hotel room bed and not only that but YOU must have heard the banging on the door prior to being walked in on. Listen to your instincts. When things don't rationally or logically don't make sense, there are only two things to consider.

1. Your partner cheats.
2. You are now single.

The above story is true. Respect and validate yourself. You are smart enough to know that your feeling terrible, move forward and move on. Get therapy if needed...

My ex accused me of cheating. A few times, but mostly early on, and then a last, really significant time, basically as the relationship had run it's course.

The last time, I was shocked, and hurt. But I knew he thought I was awful so my reaction was to beg and plead with him not to believe that about me.

If my current dp accused me, I'd go very quiet and then probably have to leave his presence, because I'd have a panic attack / PTSD response most likely, due to my memories of my ex.

Ugh didn't see this was a zombie. Sorry all

Both times I have had to confront H about suspicious shit, he went pale, stared like a rabbit in the headlights and gulped . I think guilt often ‘freezes’ them for a very short spell before self preservation kicks in