Why isn't he getting it? Am I talking a foreign language?

[weedinthepool]

I have told H I'm leaving. I'm just waiting on a house. As predicted his behaviour has been appalling since his mum got her terminal diagnosis and as predicted he's used this as an excuse to emotionally, financially and sexually abuse me. Its escalated to the point that I can't sit in the same room as him so I'm off.

Just had a text exchange with him to say its obviously v.diff between us and if he wants me to go now I will (I'll have to move in with my mum & dad & the 3dcs which isn't ideal) and he replied with 'I don't recall asking you to leave. All your choice'. So I replied with:

You've left me no choice though! I can't live with someone whose main aim seems to be to get as angry as they can with me & make life as awkward as they can. It makes no sense. Husbands are meant to be supportive and loving not angry & persistently aggressive. I've tried to change my reactions & not be bothered by it, change myself to what I thought you wanted me to be but it hasn't been enough. You are still angry. You still hate my family. You still think I talk too much. You still think I'm clueless about everything & you know whats best. Nothing I do will change that.

And he hasn't responded. He won't talk to me when he gets in. He'll just ignore that fundamental summary of our relationship breakdown. Its making me wobble & think I'm doing the wrong thing. That I'm crazy or something? This is NOT normal is it? Tell me to keep on keeping on with my exit plan please!!!

Somebody upthread, trilpot (?) said that he gains nothing he wants by admitting his behaviour is bad. This is exactly right. Why would he concede that he is in any way to blame? how would that benefit him ? It wouldnt, so, far better to create a script where you're the bad guy, he's the victim, and as you have now concluded, you can't even create temporary peace by backing down and aplogising to him! because he, oh the moral highground he inhabits !! he won't accept your apology!

he reminds me of my x, who i do NOT miss!

Thanks hells and nettle I'm gutted about it too. When the estate agent rang to say they have had to give the house to someone else I'd just come round from an operation and I wished I hadn't woken up from the general anaesthetic. How awful as a mother to feel that? My freedom had slipped from my grasp & I just was selfishly wishing my life away. My poor dcs, yesterday they were discussing in the car about me & H splitting up. They are not stupid are they? You can shield them from conversations & rows but they pick up on reality.

Will read about FOG. Even H admitted this morning that he is miserable, usually he just shows anger but he said this morning he's unhappy about everything in his life but we are stuck. I'm not stuck. I'm not, I can leave.

That's the spirit.
YES you can leave.

Yes, gertrude you can leave. For your health as well as safety I think it should be as soon as can be arranged. I feel sure that WA would help you.

He may well be miserable and unhappy but he's a nasty, nasty individual by the sound of it.

You really need to get those bloods done if you haven't yet managed ... could the hospital help with transport? Or could GP surgery take the bloods and send in?