My husband is an utter arse, not sure if I want to LTB or just string him up by his bollocks

[Morethanalittlebitconfused]

We were apparently TTC only I've clocked onto DH working longer hours during the 'best' week to dtd so that he's too tired to do anything.

He's also been feigning a rib injury this week. No bruising just saying he can't do any heavy lifting or anything active. Anyway he's snoring his head off next to me and I've done the dutiful wife thing and prodded him in the bad ribs (I know I know bad wife!) to get him to turn over. Nothing. No reaction. So I've elbowed him, twice, in said ribs - enough to make you wince if you didn't have a rib injury - and nothing.

I am absolutely livid with him. If he didn't want to TTC why not tell me? Why string me along with hopes of a baby when he's clearly got no intentions of seeing it through. I've tried to broach the subject of our lack of success before and he agrees we need to have more sex at the right times and more sex in general, but how can we when he shirks his side of things?

I am so angry I can't sleep right now I need to sleep I have work tomorrow but I want to elbow him so hard he is left with a sodding rib injury

Your patience and understanding just gives your H more opportunities to ignore the situation. The status quo obviously suits your H, so if you want that to change, then you have to change your expectations and/or approach.

He should talk to you but he isn't and you can't make him.

He may be bottling everything up and refusing to think about it but it's clearly not doing anyone any favours, and certainly not helping your marriage or situation, so it's looking like you may have to give him some kind of ultimatum - open up and talk or you walk.

I was thinking of things he might bring up when you go to the pub to talk.

Let's be honest children do test a marriage. I say this as a loving mum but they can put a strain on all that you take for granted or hold dear: independence, time, sleep, money, emotions. Maybe he fears he'll drop from being number one in your life? Of course at the rate he's going you are already less than impressed.

They're babies for such a short while, vulnerable so you get all protective but at the same time evolution has made them quite robust. Then they develop into little people - much easier to look after, and good fun. This will be like trying to describe colour to a person who is visually challenged, he may not completely get it, but bottom line is I imagine you settled down with him because he is a decent, loving person, who enjoys life and respects people, in which case however boggling fatherhood appears, he will enjoy his own children.

Have you ever been referred regarding the miscarriages?

Hi all just an update and a thank you for the advice

We talked. He admitted he's being a bastard and burying his head in the sand but it's mainly about his fear of losing another baby.

He's agreed to make more of an effort in general, not just on the ttc front but in acknowledging sex is more than just baby making and apologised for making me feel unwanted and unattractive.

We've set a 6 month time on things then will have another conversation then about the future

I really hope he does follow through on what he says.
Actions speak louder than words though.
Good luck OP.
Hopefully things will improve from here on in.

Glad the talk was productive - do you feel better about things now? I hope it all goes really well for you and he lives up to his word

Did you discuss possibly getting help from the GP/fertility referral OP?

I do and I don't thumb I'm thinking he's going to slip back into his old habits and we will be back at square one again. But the proof of the pudding...

We did discuss fertility clinics and that's part of the 6 month plan if it doesn't happen then we will go down that route

TMI but off the back of the lengthy chat we had the best sex we've ever had when we got home so I'm hoping that's fired him up a bit!!

I'm a bit miserable today though another RL friend has announced their pregnancy, and I'm running out of happy for other people now to the extent when I heard Bil and his wife's house move fell through meaning they won't be able to have any more for a while I did an inward smile to myself. I'm not that person. I'm not a bitch. But this has turned me into one and I've really started to hate myself now