Will police inform social services?

[sillymillyb]

Sorry I'm not sure where to put this, any advice welcome.

I've posted before about my mums old foster kids - they are young adults with learning disabilities, no social services involvement any more. She has cared for them for 20 years now, so part of the family sort of.

One of them has what can only be described as toddler tantrums - usually about once a week. They can be over anything like missing a favourite tv programme or not being allowed a biscuit before lunch. When she has these she is told to go upstairs to her room which is her safe space and she can scream / cry do whatever there till she is calmer. This usually is fine and she is happy and relieved with this.

My mum was out yesterday, ds and I are staying with her while I have new kitchen / bathroom put into my place. Old foster sister starts kicking off but refuses to goto her room. she picked up a wooden game and tried to throw it at my head, the tried to hit me twice. The first time she hit ds (aiming for me) and the second time she hit me. I pushed her away to try and get out house and she starts screaming. Ds is screaming and I am a mess as she has never attacked anyone before.

I ended up calling the police, who were pretty crap if I'm honest and said they would normally take assault of a minor seriously but as she has learning difficulties they pretty much just sent her to her room and me and ds back in the house.

My questions are.... Will social services be involved? Ds is 2 and was shaken but not hurt.

Secondly, what the hell do I do? I am horrified ds got hurt. I was abused hy a foster brother and feel sick at though of ds being exposed to same influences. My mum keeps saying it was unintentional as she meant to hit me not ds, and whilst I agree, I then find myself saying - but that's not on either? It's not is it? She told me this is normal and going on in thousands of houses up and down the country where people live with people with learning disabilities.... But that doesn't make it ok, does it?

My house has no bathroom or kitchen in and I have no money to rush it through. I've come to a hotel until Tuesday to give me time to figure this out, but I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by it.

I don't know if I'm just over reacting because of my past? I want to kill her for hurting ds, even unintentionally. I don't know what to do.

Ds is asleep in the car right now (we are at thomasland so he's very happy and thinks we are having a "lovely holiday" but if I don't reply it's cos he has woke up.

Please be gentle with me (ice got flamed before talking about the foster kids when they stole from me) as I'm feeling incredibly shaken up about this whole thjng.

I mean I dont think her mum thought "I wanna look good I will foster a "hard case" with abusive tendencies" as some suggest.

Not to mention they are individual people and not "harder cases"

Of course you have my utmost sympathy too OP

Its social services who have failed everyone here IMO. Not the mum or the children/adults.

And now I have to go as am travelling today.

Fanjo

Once a child has been abused in a fostering situation then the parents have a duty to ensure that it doesnt happen again. The mother didnt do that, she told the OP to get over it. She put her own wishes and the foster children before the OP.

In this case it is the fault of fostering and the parent.

Stooshe get back in your box.

Of course I believe the op if she said she was abused.

I apologised and said I missed that bit. I thought people were calling the behaviour issues abuse. Which I think are behaviour issues.

Maybe give people the benefit of doubt before posting questioning their parenting credentials.

It doesnt hurt me just makes me think you are acting like a bitch tbh.

I have to get back on road. Probably shouldn't have posted in haste

So sorry if I missed any points.

I support the OP 100% .and the adults with LDs. And probably have some sympathy for her mum

For her mum struggling with fostering with no support from sS.

Not for her minimising abuse of course.

Before I get called all sorts.

I am on my phone so I apologise if I miss any points, I'll come back later when with the computer and do a proper post.

When my mum fist fostered it was 40 years ago. Her and my dad had specialist training in large sibling groups and "difficult" placements. However, she is now 67 and my dad died over 10 years ago. It's hard for her, but she is doing her best because the alternative is the girls living in a bedsit with no support. I will mention she can ask at the doctors though - it may be worth asking their for help, although both girls have refused psychiatric help in the past.

My mum never adopted the girls,she was their foster carer and when the placement ended she didn't want to just put them out on the street. In my mind that does not give them equal status to her children or grandchildren, no. She has fostered hundreds of children, too many too count, many of them for several years. If this was a children's home would you expect the staff to give equal status to the kids they looked after there to their kids at home? (Sorry, this is to answer quitelikely)

Also, I don't blame my mum for me being hit - I do resent the fact I'm being told I'm over reacting, that it is ok as she only meant to hit me and got my son by accident and I do resent being told I need to move on and forget. This is partly because I think she is brushing it under the carpet, and partly because as a child she knew I was being abused and didn't want the placement to fail so did nothing, and so it resonates. I do have issues with this, and so this is one incident on top of many, but the fact my son has been involved horrifies me.

The main point for me is that we are safe, I wasn't over reacting to whip us out of there and find alternative childcare.

On going issues are getting support for my mum and the foster kids, because I feel that things have escalated and this will only get worse not better.

Lastly, please don't all fight. I know this is pathetic, I feel pathetic just typing that, but I really don't want this to turn into a bun fight. It's a non perfect, emotive situation that needs improving. I have no idea what the solution is but writing here has helped massively already.

Right, I have to go speak to builders now about rebuilding my house super fast..... Wish me luck!