DRY 5

[allhailqueenmab]

Starting this before the old one gets filled up!
this is the thread for the alcohol free.
Join us!

Nicki, NYE, thats 3 months away by then you'll feel totally different about telling people you don't drink. absolutely no need to be worrying yourself about it now

I have gone through quite a bit of panic about what to tell people. I started off over explaining to people and you could see from the look on their face that I was panicking them a bit. A friend at an AA meeting suggested that I was projecting a bit and to just say that I didn't drink and that works perfectly. Some people have asked questions and one person seemed to be a bit annoyed but I say I used to drink and now I don't and leave it there and that is fine.

I had my 6 months soberversary recently and it felt wonderful. While good things are starting to happen that I attribute to being sober, the best thing I realised is that no awful dramas have happened, where I have to wake up and figure out who to apolgise to etc etc. That feeling is just amazing. My constant feeling of being terrified has shifted massively as well and when things do come up at work I am more able to deal with them in a rational way. It is still difficult but I am shocked at how I used to deal with them through drinking and the fog of a crippling hangover and terror. Hopefully that feeling will never get old. I am feeling a lot more pride in the things that I do which is something I never felt when drinking. The feeling of wanting to achive is new to me and pretty fabulous.

Hope everyone is having a good week so far xx

Kate Lovely post and so happy for you, congrats on 6 months!! :) I agree with stayingdry - don't worry about the future or what to tell people. We are choosing to life alcohol free because it works for us - what else do we need to say?

that should be live not life! or I guess a life alcohol free

Hello all

Nikki, don't even think about NYE! It's ages. I did my first NYE without a drink last year and it was fabulous! Granted it was just dh and I in the house with the kids asleep, but seriously, I was fine - and even 'fine-er' the next day. Hopefully you'll be feeling much more able to just say no ta on the day!

I'm on anti-d's and have been pretty much since ds now 14 was born. I have had mh problems forever I think and to be honest, would rather be on them than fever feel like I used to when off them. Of course the effects were totally negated when I was necking xxxxx units a week, but now I really can see the difference!

Kate, I have never had the panic about what to tell people really as I am a mouthy tactless type who would rather people know the truth most of the time! Obviously I don't go up to people at work or in the street when meeting them for the first time and say 'hey, guess what, I have this really really bad problem with alcohol and so don't drink anymore. What about you??' but I have no shame in being honest. I do understand it's hard for a lot of people though.

Everyone I know and have know for more than 5 years knows what I was and now loves who I am now, which is a great help of course.

Only my BM (bloody Mother) seems a bit pissed off about it. She can longer say 'oh you dooo lose your temper and make e cry, doesn't she lose her temper mrbiggles?' because I rarely do now. It irritates her beyond belief! She also comes out with 'well, you say you're not drinking, I do hope you're not..' in that sarky, I-know-you way, but I just let it go nowadays.

I am not the person I was a year ago and feel stronger every day which is amazing..

Oops, didn't mean to ramble there .

At work, alone - all my staff are off doing 'outreach' ! I'm a bit jealous actually but bloody funding applications don't write themselves (why? why? can't someone invent software ??!!)

Have a great day all... x

hey all, I've just got myself a part time job.....behind the bar of a club really looking forward to it, alcohol no problem at all, l can't drink, end of will enjoy getting paid to watch others piss it up the wall though.
lovely club, great people, wish me luck....

Ooh great stuff . well done! I did the school summer fete bar and despite having to fend off hilarious comments about needing to drink what was left over (hoho) it was fine. I had been worried but wasn't tempted at all.

Wish me luck, off to the pub soon.....lol.....didn't think I'd ever be saying that again

Haha! good luck

11 months...

Yay!! :) Biggles
stayingdry how was your first night behind the bar?

hi all, worked 2 shifts behind the bar now . Some really unexpected emotions came through . The 1st job l had was to clear the pumps by pulling a couple of pints and when I gripped the glass I just wanted to drink it, bloody hell..where did that come from?
was telling a friend from AA this and she told me a great saying...you can't control your 1st thought just those that come after.
After my little wobble, sorted my head out and loved working there. Blimey there was so many opportunities to have a drink, threw spirit shots down the sink, could of necked them if l had wanted to. people buying me a drink, when I had soda they never questioned me not drinking alcohol.
Real reminder though that I'll never be able to drop my guard on that evil devil sitting on my shoulder.
Hope everyone had a good weekend and enjoying the late summer

Biggles - well done you on 11 months! That's so brilliant.

StayingDry - congrats on the new job. Yes, I can imagine this whole alcohol thing can jump out at us when we least expect it. Sounds like you handled it so well. I guess you just need to be aware of those thoughts become persistent and in danger of jeopardising what you've achieved. More likely, your resolve will be even stronger by seeing some people drinking too much/wasting money they don't have etc.

Hope everyone is doing well this week.

Hello, you amazing lot, can I join you? (gulp)
I've drunk too much my entire adult life, interspersed with occasional weeks of staying sober, and brief spells of moderate drinking (which maybe last a week or two but inevitably lead back to hitting the bottle big time).
I've actually been dry now for coming up to four months, as I was pregnant, but sadly had my 4th miscarriage three weeks ago. So I'd count the three weeks as my actual sober time. It's really hard as I drink to self-medicate and I find it incredibly hard to deal with my emotions without it. But I'm desperate for another baby and I know that drinking isn't going to get me where I want to be. every day is a struggle but I don't have any alcohol in the house, so that helps.
Any advice for a struggling newbie? I've read lots of this thread but will go back and reread, you're all doing amazingly and are so inspirational

Bloody hell just wrote a really long post and lost it!!

Welcome. So sorry to hear about your miscarriage, that must have been very difficult. :(

I was saying that 11 months in and I don't feel like drinking at all to be honest. Your story sounds like most of ours I guess - Difficult to moderate, self medicating etc. I drank too much for too long too often and so many times said 'that's it, I'm giving up I AM' to eyes rolls and tuts, but this time I just took the 'one day at a time' mantra and did it.

It can be hard - firsts are hard, first xmas, birthday, holiday but it can be done. Get yourself some nice soft drinks - there are some suggestions on this and the other threads; relax, read - loads of good recovery books on the thread too . Lucy has a great blog and I know a couple of oters do as well.

I don't know if you are able to tell people that you're not drinking, or how people will react, but we all say different things - the main thing is to be kind to YOU, and do it for you.

I guess my thinking is not 'what have I lost by not drinking?' but 'look at what I've gained'.

Sorry this is a bit bitty - my cyberstolen post was much more coherent!

Stick around X

Welcome from me too!! Pull up a chair there's lots of tea and cake
Thanks Biggles :)

Thanks both - have been getting through a lot of tea and cake this last few weeks, so one more won't hurt!
I can definitely see the many gains of not drinking... until I hit one of my triggers and then all common sense goes out of the window! Hoping this time will be different - for one thing having absolutely no alcohol in the house is a first (before, when I'd be not drinking, there'd still always be something in the back of the cupboard lurking for emergencies)
Re: telling anyone, that will be fairly easy because everyone knows about the miscarriages I've had in the last year, so no one will be surprised I've stopped drinking. Also given up caffeine and taking a million vitamins a day so that kind of disguises the abstinence as a "health-kick". Ridiculous but in the past all good intentions have gone out of the window because I haven't wanted anyone to know I wasn't drinking (because that would suggest a problem).
Will have a look at the book recommendations and the blog, thanks.
Congratulations both of you on staying sober for so long, you must feel fab!

P.S. This thread has helped already - for the last couple of days I've been pondering whether I should have a glass or two of wine, you know, just as a once a week thing (haha) but having posted today I know that I'm not even going to consider drinking tonight. Another day down!

Great stuff! It was so weird - the first of these threads literally started the day I decided to stop and I honestly believe I would have struggled a lot more without them. Stay with us

Got99 - I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. How incredibly sad for you.

I'm glad this thread has helped you get started. It's helped me immeasurably. I'm 108 days in. Not that I'm counting - so about the same as you. The triggers are hard - but focussing on not having a drink for five minutes. And then the next five minutes ... mean that the feeling is usually passed much quickly than we think.

Your TTC will be good cover for being AF - but in general I have found telling people that for me the benefits had started to be outweighed by the negatives has been really easy way of telling people. Do stay with us

99problems, so sorry to hear about your miscarriages, you sound mentally pretty strong to know that turning to alcohol wont help.It is so easy to use something so traumatic as a trigger to drink. I did, my drinking went unmanageable after losing my 2 week old daughter.
Things that I did to stop drinking..as has been said, find some nice soft drinks, my fav is still good old lime and soda.l bought myself a posh glass and mug for hot drinks, l was an all day drinker.
Definitely no alcohol in the house, even now l don't have it in sight, let alone in the fridge.
If l was craving a drink and in danger of fetching a bottle, l took myself off for a bath, washed my hair, put my pj's on so I couldn't.l don't drink 1 day at a time, not worried about tomorrow yet, not till l wake up, just chuffed to go bed sober tonight.

And l go AA regularly. Hope some of these tips help.
Stay strong, stay sober and l promise your life will get better x

staying dry so sorry to hear about your daughter, your reaction is totally understandable. My first three miscarriages I did respond by drinking, I don't know what changed with this one (although I'd got further along this time, and seen the baby on the scans, so maybe that was it - it was a missed miscarriage so I was still to all intents pregnant for the first few days after finding out, albeit with a baby that had died). Then I was in hospital, then I was recovering at home, and somehow didn't drink that day, or the next day.
Haggis thanks for the welcome - well done on your 108 days! Yes will take it a minute at a time. I keep walking down the alcohol aisle in the supermarket, to look at the alcohol free stuff, but should probably stop that. I've also got one bottle of alc-free/ low-alc beer in the house - it works out at 0.25 units for the bottle. Is that kind of thing OK to drink when considered "dry", or not? I do struggle as I find most soft drinks too sickly (been enjoying the ginger ale/ lime mix recommended upthread though).
Have a good day all

Welcome 99 and also sorry to read of your miscarriages.

I read this thread but only post occasionally (68 days sober today yip yip) - thought I'd add my soft drink recommendations as I also hate sickly sweet ones. I like the Fever Tree 'naturally light' ginger beer and tonic water, which only have IIRC about 3-4g sugar per 100g. I also get through industrial quantities of sparkling water, either on its own or with 1/4 of pink grapefruit juice. And LOTS of tea in the mornings!

Thanks teapot I'm also getting through a tonne of fizzy water having bought myself a soda stream! Thanks for the other tips, will add to shopping list. Congrats on your 68 days!

I drink Becks Blue when I'm on holiday - that's alcohol fee but tastes ok!