Have name changed so as easily identifiable and could have repercussions for third parties.
So - in a nutshell - I'm in a new relationship (3 months), with another woman (I've dated men and women in the past, but now identify mostly as gay). Having a really nice time, all going really well, lots in common, same goals etc.
However - an issue has recently come up and I don't know how to handle it. Last year my girlfriend had an affair with her male, married boss (she's also dated both men and women in the past but similarly now identifies as gay). The affair lasted around 6 months, he wanted to leave his wife for her, she said no, the affair ended and they continue to work together (though in different locations) and remain "friends". This wasn't a particular issue for me (I'm no angel, though do draw the line at affairs) as everyone has stuff that's happened in the past that in retrospect, wasn't the greatest idea.
Unfortunately, last week, the wife found out about the affair (I don't know the details. Don't know if the man told the wife, I suspect he did). We were on holiday together last week, having a lovely time, when, on the last night of the holiday she gets a text from him, telling her not to check Facebook or LinkedIn and that his wife knows and sorry if he's buggering up her holiday. She told me about the text and the situation. She says she wants to be honest, that she really cares about me and doesn't want to hide things. I feel that the information is something I could have done without, that it makes me feel insecure and serves no purpose. I also think that he is jealous of me, stirring and somehow dragging me into all of this.
The wife then tried to add my girlfriend as a Facebook friend (presumably to rant). Girlfriend obviously rejected request. She is still in touch daily with her ex-lover (he's her boss, so I suppose she can't really ignore him). She is hopefully moving jobs to a new firm soon (well, in the Autumn), so that's a help, BUT, I'm feeling horribly insecure. Girlfriend is very sweet, very nice and never wants to hurt anyone. She feels sorry for her boss and thinks he needs friends. I think her boss sounds like a manipulative twat (he's 20 years older than her, has three children) and I wish she'd cut contact.
I don't really know what to do. I don't want to walk away. But I don't want to feel insecure and under threat from this guy, even though I know they're not together anymore, he clearly still has feelings for her. I can hardly start issuing ultimatums at this stage of a relationship. I don't want to be possessive. But having had such a blissful three months, I really don't know how to deal with this.
Apologies for essay - any advice welcome please.