How much does your DP/DH look at other women?

[Amencorner]

Just wondering what people's views are on this? I realise all men look amd some people will say all women do too, though I can honestly say I don't bother. I'm in a fairly new relationship and it does bother me that he notices other women when he's with me

This probably makes me sound really insecure and I probably am a little bit. I don't spend my time worrying he will leave me but I am a bit concerned about my gut reaction when he glances at women. I almost take it as a personal insult. I find myself thinking he's not that into me if he's noticing all these other women. WHY do men do it? It's something I've always found it hard to accept

My partner doesn't look at other women. At first I didn't believe him, but I now know that he's just incredibly unobservant about anything.

I wouldn't settle for a man who ogled women because it's just creepy and disrespectful.

I think to worry about your DH checking out other women feels like insecurity. My DH and I (married over 42 years ) have always pointed out to one another anyone remotely worth looking at. Plus any grotesque specimens, which is a bit mean, as we are now probably heading that way ourselves. We have a laugh about it.

It really depends how it's done and how often. Too much is bad manners and disrespectful.

I went on a work trip with a male colleague once. We ate out in the evenings and he was completely unable to stop himself neck-craning every female who walked past. It wasn't my business what he did, and had no interest in him myself, but I did think 'I hope no-one thinks he's my bf because if they did, I'd look like a complete tool'.

Looking, glancing etc is normal and natural. The eye is drawn to beauty.

I think it becomes an issue if say a conversation is temporarily halted whilst they are distracted by someone or they are more concerned with staring at someone else in the bar than you for example. Then it's very disrespectful to you implying your aren't holding their attention and they are looking elsewhere, same as checking a mobile phone.

I look at good looking people all the time, male and female, I'm often just thinking something like 'she's got gorgeous hair' or 'he is impossibly handsome', or she has an elegant walk. It's not done with any intent.
I witnessed a very happily married colleague walk straight into a lampost whilst looking at a stunning woman.

Men who look at/appraise women, as in ogling, are giving a not-so-subtle signal to remind the woman they are with that they are always going to be subject to male judgement. It's a very misogynistic trait.

My H (hopefully soon to be ex) does this. Constantly. It doesn't bother me personally but it makes him look like a d*ckhead. He says all men do it, and if no women are around they'll discuss at length who they find most attractive and 'rate' them.

I'm sure my husband does notice pretty women but he doesn't make a big deal of it so it doesn't bother me - he's only human.

I think it's me who has the issue tbh. I tend to feel the way xici has explained in her post, that early on he should have eyes for nobody else. Then when he notices someone I feel a bit insulted as though I'm not enough for him. I'm not sure if this is realistic or not though. Does noticing women mean he is looking for something else or he won't be faithful?

Have you always had this issue with every bf? Or is it just with this guy?

When I think about it, I've never had a relationship with someone who looked at other women much. Not that they wouldn't ever notice a beautiful woman but not enough or overtly enough that it would ever have been an issue.

It could be you if you've always had this insecurity, or it could just be that your bf's an ogler. Ime it tends to go with a slightly annoying attitude to women.

"Does noticing women mean he is looking for something else or he won't be faithful?"

What does 'noticing' look like? The problem is that you're applying your own subjectivity to something that is very loosely defined in the first place. One person's 'noticing' might be another's 'ogling'. If it bothers you it bothers you. It may not bother other people but that's their judgement based on their circumstances. If you don't like his behaviour, give him the heave-ho rather than torture yourself.

All I would say to you is that NOTHING WHATSOEVER guarantees a partner is faithful or otherwise beyond their own conscience and values. He could be routinely blindfolded and it would make not one bit of difference to whether he screws around or not.

I don't understand this "eyes only for me"

His cock is mine, but to censor where he looks (or get upset if he looks at other women) seems rather OTT

And there's the slogan on next Xmas' MN merchandise. 'His cock is mine'. :)

Let's just say he doesn't stare or turn his head or comment but I know he's noticed them. I think the problem is I am imagining I know what he's thinking when he notices them and that is that he wants to sleep with them. I'm not saying I think he would actually do that ( not that he could with everyone he looks at) but he's thinking it would be nice to and I hate thinking that.
Yes I suppose if have felt like this with almost every guy

Depends on the look AF, it's not all the same.

Some men look that's fine, some men ogle.

I've not had a partner who was particularly look-oriented, I'm not bothered anyway so it wouldn't have been an issue.

But some men are real oglers and ime it tends to be guys with an entitled attitude and lack of respect for women.

heh

I know twinkle, some men are sleazy about it and it's been asked several times on this thread if OP thinks that is the case

As she has failed to elaborate, or mentioned any other sexist shit from him, one can only assume he is doing the "normal" appreciative glance thing which I believe we all do

If you've felt that with all your bfs and it's not specific to this guy, and it sounds more like your own insecurity OP.

Until her post at 13.48 I felt I couldn't really assume anything.

Yes I think you are right. I wouldn't say he's sleazy I wouldn't hang around if he was tbh and so far no other sexist stuff that I'm aware of. Just my jealousy then by the looks of it :(

That must be very unpleasant for you, Amen.

Well I can't say its fun. Sometimes it's worse than others! Time of the month ect
Think it probably stems from always feeling second best as a child where my mother was concerned anyway and still do really . She's still particularly unpleasant to me when my sister is about. So I often feel as though I don't measure up

Of course you do ! Your boyfriend has chosen you.

I wouldn't worry OP, it sounds more like insecurity than specifically jealousy, and it's eminently fixable. You can work on your self esteem so that you get to the point where it doesn't bother you.

Equally if something about this guy doesn't make you feel happy then don't see him. You may find someone you click with so that your insecurities aren't such an issue.

:) thank you. I do think I need to address this though. I even go so far as to think that he's settled for me rather than chosen me because he couldn't get anyone else, which I know logically is madness and an insult to us both

Xpost, that's very interesting OP, that's obviously the source of it. Would you consider a bit of counselling to work through how your past has impacted your feelings now, and how to change that?

He does make me happy he's lovely to me, caring easy to get along with and we do have so many laughs together. I think it is insecurity, yes rather than jealousy as I never wish I was anyone else and I'm not a particularly envious person