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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I met a guy on Saturday after chatting for a few months online. We had sex, we had a day out and a good laugh.

32 replies

SoleSource · 15/07/2014 03:43

He sent me this message tonight

I don't think I'm the right person for you. You said i didn't like you several times of which is OK. I understand you said about my breath that is OK too.

I do talk a lot but I don't think I am right person for you, but that is OK I understand. I have to go now, as i have to go to work and I need to get ready. As you said the other day you could date other men maybe so that would be better for you I don't know, but i will chat again on here when I get the time. I personally do not feel think I am right for you, chat soon be safe .xxxx

WTF???????

I did say his breath wasn't smelly as he had a few teeth missing from a fight.

I asked him if he was OK with my body when we were in bed as I needed reassurance as I hadn't had sex at my current weight.

OP posts:

Original poster

SoleSource · 15/07/2014 03:44

I did say that other guys had asked me out.

Oh the head fuckries..

OP posts:

Glastokitty · 15/07/2014 04:00

Sounds like a lucky escape!

Original poster

SoleSource · 15/07/2014 06:41

Not emotionally invested, moving on....

OP posts:

HumblePieMonster · 15/07/2014 06:55

So he got sex and now disappears? What a nice man. Go out with some of the others. There has to be a decent man out there somewhere.

niceupthedance · 15/07/2014 07:24

At least you got a goodbye message I suppose.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/07/2014 07:31

You said he didn't like you several times? What does that mean?

GretchenWiener · 15/07/2014 07:33

Is he bend English speaking?

GretchenWiener · 15/07/2014 07:33

Is he even English speaking?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/07/2014 07:33

Maybe it's not that he 'got sex then disappeared'
Maybe he spent time with OP because he liked her, then something happened during their time together that made him think twice. I've done that many a time, doesn't mean I'm some lothario type that tricks men into bed only to dump them.

WildBillfemale · 15/07/2014 07:33

Chalk it up to experience and move on.

OLD - chat less online, meet up sooner on the real world.

Takethedamncheese · 15/07/2014 07:39

This was the guy who kept saying he couldnt get the time off? who you posted about and everyone told you to walk away?

Its online dating, its a tough learning curve, you always think it will be different for you, but, for the majority of people, you have to wade through a ton of crap. Normal behaviour is out the window and you cant trust a thing anyone says, no matter how long you have chatted to them.

The best advice is to meet quickly, about 10 days, too short and you risk an awful date because you dont know much about them and you might turn up and find you dont get on at all... too long and its built up to something in your head which isnt based on reality.

Dont blame yourself, blame him, he was clearly never out for anything more than a leg over.

wise up, think more about your needs, and get back out there

NameChangerRegMNetter · 15/07/2014 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Vivacia · 15/07/2014 08:17

He hasn't necessarily done anything wrong has he? Perhaps he just thought you weren't for him?

Did you mention other men? Did you say he had smelly breath or not?

lucidlady · 15/07/2014 08:23

Think I saw your other thread earlier - seems like he might just be feeling generally awkward? Did you like him?

GirlWithTheLionHeart · 15/07/2014 08:40

You asked if he was ok with your body

firesidechat · 15/07/2014 09:09

I'm not a man, but some of the things you mention might cause me to have a bit of a rethink.

To tell him that his breath didn't smell was a bit odd. Why even mention it? Did he ask?

I don't think I was a great idea to ask him if was ok with your body. Telling him that you felt a bit insecure is one thing, but to ask certainly puts him on the spot.

As for mentioning the fact that other men had asked you out, well the context would be very important there.

I don't think he did anything wrong really. Maybe he just realised that you weren't compatible, which is what he said in the message.

NotNewButNameChanged · 15/07/2014 09:33

Have to assume English is not his first language, but based on that and what you told us:

you asked him if he was OK with your body
you told him that other guys had asked him out
you told him several times that you didn't think he liked you

I'm a man. I'd be thinking the same in his shoes.

Joysmum · 15/07/2014 09:49

I'd be thinking the same as him too given what I think you've written.

As for getting sex and then running, well if that were the case he'd not bother with an explanation and I think it's not not to leave somebody hanging.

Viviennemary · 15/07/2014 09:55

It sounds to me as if he has quite low self esteem. Doesn't sound as if he is a chancer type. But it's only a guess. Maybe he thinks you don't like him that much.

NickiFury · 15/07/2014 09:58

Have you name changed mid thread?

The whole thing sounds bizarre.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 15/07/2014 10:10

OP name changed to post a different thread and has clearly got mixed up.
From your other thread it appears that the sex wasn't great, so maybe he just wasn't feeling it. That's not a crime.

firesidechat · 15/07/2014 11:00

It sounds to me as if he has quite low self esteem. Doesn't sound as if he is a chancer type. But it's only a guess. Maybe he thinks you don't like him that much.

I would hazard a guess that it's the OP who has low self esteem, although it's difficult to tell from one or two posts. I only say that because asking the man if he is ok with her body (what is the poor man to say to that) and telling him, more than once, that she doesn't think he likes her (I think that's what she said, although it's not very clear) don't seem very secure.

I'm not saying your wrong to be insecure OP. I would be too, but asking him if he's ok may not be the way to deal with it. I don't suppose he was a love god either.

maras2 · 15/07/2014 11:59

Lucky escape I think.Personally I'd give a wide berth to anyone who had lost their teeth in a fight,smelly breath or not.

ChelsyHandy · 15/07/2014 13:17

Don't waste too much time thinking about him. He meets women for sex off the internet. He wants to meet more women for sex off the internet. Its nothing to do with what you said or anything that happened. He doesn't want to settle down.

Don't listen to these men who insist on you constantly reassuring them and having to avoid saying certain things or it will fwighten the poor little creatures. If he were that easily fwightened, he wouldn't have sex with a real live woman the first time he met her, would he?

Not one of life's gentlemen. But trying to sound like one by taking a few minutes to send a text.

BillyBobbed · 15/07/2014 13:18

Another one bites the dust.

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