Just found out I am the OW

[FeelingDumb]

I've name changed for this as I'm feeling stupid not to mention mortified.

I've just found out (through the medium of facebook) that the guy I've been seeing on a casual basis since February has a girlfriend. I'm annoyed and angry with myself for believing this guys lies about his hard time as a "single" dad. I've text him to tell him I know about his gf, not expecting a reply - he's spineless. Will be booking an appointment at the GUM clinic in the morning ffs. But what do I do about her? This poor woman has posted on fb about how she's waiting for him to propose (his DD is not hers incidentally). My instinct is to just pretend none of this happened and just move on, it was only casual after all, but I feel bad for this woman. I think I'd want to know if the boot was on the other foot but the thought of emailing her and bursting her bubble sickens me. She is much younger than me, as is he. I feel like such a fool. I don't know what to do for the best. Maybe he will clean up his act after being caught out? What a mess. What should I do?

I was in the position of inadvertent OW - all came to a head over a year ago, his wife let him stay, and yet STILL gives me daggers when she sees me (and reports me for harrassment if I drive past her!). Think she needs to remember who broke their vows, ie. not me!

Just be ready for the blame to fall your way .....

I would also tell.

I would tell because although it isn't fair to make sweeping statements, a person who cheats is a person who cheats. There is no 'moment of madness' about this - he is a rat. He is sustaining two relationships and all the lies that go with that.

He is therefore imo, likely to cheat again. And that is why his other GF needs to have the option to make an informed decision. At least if she decides to stay with him and make a go of things, she will be armed with the knowledge of what he is capable of and therefore less likely to be fooled twice.

And yes, you may well up with the blame OP but sometimes we have to do the right thing anyway.

If you are heading to the GUM clinic then I assume you've not used a condom. The chances are with a price like this that you're not the only one he's cheated with. I'd tell her on the basis of potential std's alone.

A prick, not a price!

To (mis)quote Professor Dumbledore (sorry but DD asked to explain this quote and it stayed with me)

You are faced with a choice between what is right and what is easy. The easy thing would be to walk away and pretend it never happened, the right thing is to knowingly hurt someone else, but for the the right reasons. She may blame you, she may hate you, he most certainly will. But she needs to know. She wont thank you now, but one day she will.

I would tell her too. Personally, I couldn't live with it, knowing that it would ruin her life by saying nothing. She may not be thankful immediately but she would be one day down the line

Tell her, as everyone says, before she is more committed, so she can decide what to do.

Also, if any GUM tests come back positive (and I hope they don't, so fingers crossed,) she'll have to be told.

If she is not in any way vulnerable then I'd tell her so she can make a choice.