Sex after childbirth

[Darksideofthemoon88]

Just wondering when it becomes 'normal' really... DD is five weeks old and DP and I have managed to have sex twice. That's fine - I'm not much up for it, we're both very tired, and he's not the sort to pressure me. What's worrying me though, is that things don't seem quite the same down there... Sorry for tmi , but my cervix is very low and there are some lumps on the front wall of my vagina. I saw the GP about this when we first realised, and she said it was normal for that stage (three-and-a-half weeks postpartum) and she'd expect it to be a lot more normal by my 6wk check. Thing is, I don't think it's changed at all and I'm now 5 weeks postpartum. I'll check all this with the GP obviously, but my main problem is that I'm convinced it's going to hurt and so I tense and can't relax, which obviously makes things worse. The stupid thing is, it doesn't hurt!!! I feel a bit tight and uncomfortable and we need lube, but it's not painful; it's just I can't get over the idea that it might be . I know it's early days, but we were a really sexual couple before and, whilst I know it's going to be very different now we have a baby, I'd like to at least be able to relax and enjoy it...

If you want to relax then maybe you and your partner need to think about non-penetrative sexual methods for a while? If you're a 'really sexual couple' you must have more strings to your bow than dull old PIV. :) Enjoy those until your body has had chance to properly heal and try not to be anxious that you're on some kind of deadline.

I meant more that we did it frequently rather than we were into anything particularly 'out there'. I just want to enjoy it again and that seems impossible atm

I wasn't suggesting anything 'out there', just finding ways of enjoying each other that don't involve the PIV aspect. If you can't relax and if you need lube then it's clearly too soon. What is it you're actually worried about?

It hurting... which is silly. Finding I'm quite dry - which I gather is normal when you're breastfeeding?

Twice in five weeks since a baby! It can take a while for things to repair and feel normal again. Don't rush , if you want sex consider sex without intercourse for a bit.

Oh and try to ease up on the pressure your putting yourself under. A new baby is overwhelming in every-way. Your doing great just being a mum

If you're not much up for it then don't do it. You vagina is still recovering from birth and pregnancy so of course will feel and look a bit different. Sounds like the little tears that happen as the head crowns are healing and the swelling is going down.
Has your bleeding stopped?

Yes dryness is completely normal when you are breastfeeding.

But why are you worried about not having PIV sex? Why persist if it hurts and you're dry?

Some clit action can be really enjoyable and it means you don't need to do the PIV thing.

Our first time was 8 weeks post birth and things started to feel good with no pain at about 8 months post birth.
I did have forceps stitches and internal haemorrhoids following labour though!
Only advice take it slow, lots of foreplay and lube!

I think 5 weeks post birth is quite soon to have had sex twice. Most of my ante-natal group first DTD post DC1 at around 6-8 weeks with a lot of nervousness! It is as much about psychological readiness as physical.

I think skipping the PIV for a while is a good idea - take the pressure off and just agree that this is off the agenda and hopefully when it does happen it will be much more relaxed.

I was the same, just hard to relax especially with a babyabout to wake at any moment! It gets better but do see your gp re the lumps.

I found bfing a bit of a passion killer, much better when your boobs aren't leaking etc.

Why the rush to get back to "normal" ?

it is just as "normal" for it take many months to get back into the swing of PIV, especially when BF

I didn't have penetrative sex for a full year around my pgs and deliveries and that was fine for us both.

We started having sex after a couple of months and all felt normal, no dryness or discomfort. Bit weird as OH was very nervous but nice once we got into it. I'd stopped bf a couple of weeks earlier so not sure what affect that had on me.

I'd wait until you actually feel like it and take it slowly for the first few times.

We waited until 6 months post birth. There's no hurry OP. Lots to do other than PIV!

Oh I dunno. I love being a mum to DD, but I still want to be a woman and be 'me' as well as being a mum. I think that's what I mean by getting back to normal. I got pretty stressed about getting out and about and getting on top of the housework and starting my uni work again too - things that I'm used to and help me stop feeling like just a milk machine. I suppose I want things to be as much like they were before as possible, and sex was always a big part of our relationship.

Does anyone know: will breastfeeding cause vaginal dryness for the duration? I intend to breastfeed for at least six months, and needing lube for all that time doesn't sound too great . Is there any particular lube that works well in these circumstances?

Don't rush it, it's still very early days. Give your body time to heal and get back to normal, it's just gone through an amazing amount of changes from day 1 of conception and it will be still going through them.

Enjoy your baby and relax. If you are tense then you are not ready to be having PIV sex

You are a woman regardless but your circumstances have changed and don't put pressure on yourself to be as you were. You will find your way again I promise.

Yes I found the dryness persisted for the duration of ebf but around a year when they started dropping feeds it became better, my libido bounced back too. I used condoms instead of lube but most of the time we didn't have intercourse but lots of touching and stuff.

if never had sex again you would still be a "woman", what a strange thing to say

women who put too much pressure on themselves sometimes end up with PND

just sayin'

Go slow and steady and DH has to follow your lead on this one. Try more lube and a different position?

It doesn't sound like anyone is putting you under pressure except you. DH knows you're not averse to him. Don't panic.

Sorry AF, I meant more that I wanted to have a life beyond being 'just' a mother, and for me sex is part of that.

Yep took me up to a year to enjoy anything. Bf inhibits sex drive but also internal stitches created very painful penetration. It gets better eventually though. I think sex post babies is definitely even better, had heard that before and totally agree now.