Sex after childbirth

[Darksideofthemoon88]

Just wondering when it becomes 'normal' really... DD is five weeks old and DP and I have managed to have sex twice. That's fine - I'm not much up for it, we're both very tired, and he's not the sort to pressure me. What's worrying me though, is that things don't seem quite the same down there... Sorry for tmi , but my cervix is very low and there are some lumps on the front wall of my vagina. I saw the GP about this when we first realised, and she said it was normal for that stage (three-and-a-half weeks postpartum) and she'd expect it to be a lot more normal by my 6wk check. Thing is, I don't think it's changed at all and I'm now 5 weeks postpartum. I'll check all this with the GP obviously, but my main problem is that I'm convinced it's going to hurt and so I tense and can't relax, which obviously makes things worse. The stupid thing is, it doesn't hurt!!! I feel a bit tight and uncomfortable and we need lube, but it's not painful; it's just I can't get over the idea that it might be . I know it's early days, but we were a really sexual couple before and, whilst I know it's going to be very different now we have a baby, I'd like to at least be able to relax and enjoy it...

Who thinks of you as "just" a mother and why does having sex before you are ready make that happen

I am a mother and I have sex all the frickin' time. It doesn't make me any more of a woman.

Being a mother does not equal not being a woman, partner and otherwise functioning member of society. Where are you getting this crap ? Feminism for NonFeminists for Dummies ?

Ease up anyfucker! I think I can see where she is coming from. I wanted to get back into the saddle straight away too. I just wanted to be 'me'. I can't speak for op but after having my first it was like a chapter of my life had closed which I didn't want to! That didn't mean I didn't want to be a mum. I found the transition overwhelming

I get you too dark.

It was really important to me, it was almost a way of reclaiming my body and my sexuality and that it was there for my pleasure not just to carry and feed a child.

I wantd to be me. I wanted motherhood to be an extension of myself and not become the definition of who I was. And that meant I wanted the things I had always enjoyed to still be the things I enjoyed.

Not much help on a practical level sorry but I do understand why it matters to you.

You lot sound like those women who say "having a baby is not going to change my life at all, the baby will have to fit into my routine and not vice versa"

it's a good thought, but it never happens

and i don't need to "ease up" I am on OP's side

Rj you put it far more eloquently than me!
And AF apologies for misinterpretation !

No worries, I can be a bit blunt sometimes. I was trying to tell OP to not put so much pressure on herself. The squishy tiny baby weeks go by so fast. Slow down and enjoy them, you are wishing your life away !

I know.. mine are 9 & 11 now and I am more 'active' than pre children!

Gosh I sound smug. What I meant was you get your mojo back and it didn't take 8 years..

Indeed

and having penetrative sex before your body is actually ready for it won't make it happen any sooner either

I agree. I think I tried too soon and instead of enjoying the experience I was assessing my nethers

I agree with better sex life now that the dc are older. Although my youngest is almost five and the quantity of sex has not increased, maybe twice a week, the quality of sex is much better. Not saying it was not good before but no fear of getting pregnant, no leaking breasts and knowing what I like and what dh likes, I orgasm at least once 99.9% of the time.

Twice in 5 weeks after birth, my gosh you're braver than me!

No helpful advice here, sorry. Wish I could say that things felt tight down there 5 weeks after pushing DS out

With my first son it was 2 months before I resumed sex again. With my 2nd son it was 3 days (initiated by me) only do it if you feel comfortable and pain free.

3 days?! Wow.

You can get oestrogen cream that helps slightly with the dryness. Dryness and lack of libido affected me greatly whole bf.

Yeah, it wasn't planned, I just felt brilliantly happy and in the mood, my mum had older Ds and little one slept in. Just happened.

Is that safe whilst breastfeeding, Haggis? Just I know I can't take the combined pill because of the oestrogen... If so, where/how would I get it?

I used it after mine were 6months old so less chance if them getting much in milk. You have to have it prescribed by gp.

chittin you put yourself at risk of an air embolism having penetrative sex only 3 days after delivery. Not cool, and certainly not worth it.

Nobody said it was 'cool', are you 14 years old?

I wasn't recommending it, I was simply pointing out that everyone feels ready at different times. Nobody in the medical profession has ever given a time scale on when to resume sex and I didn't have an embolism as far as I recall!

You may have felt in the mood but your body certainly wouldn't have been ready for it. You're advised to wait 6 weeks so the lining of the womb and uterus have time to heal without introducing infection.

Each to their own I guess.