DH getting a thrill from texts to OW

[Beeboles]

For the third time in as many months I caught my DH sending what I would consider flirty messages to other women.

We have 3 DCs under 8, the youngest is 2 yrs. I have found our youngest incredibly hard work and as a result of his not sleeping very well e.t.c. I have had little time for DH. I have been so tired that sex has been scarce and I have honestly not been in the mood very often. Our relationship has been strained for a while now, most arguments starting when DH complains about lack of sex life.

I looked at his facebook messages and a woman had been messaging him, he had deleted some messages but not all. I told him and he said he had been stupid and would not do it again. A few weeks later he was still messaging her but unsuccessfully deleting them before I saw them. I confronted him again and he apologised again. We talked and I thought I made it clear that I was hurt and he said it would not happen again.

We started to get on better and I thought we were making progress but last week I found texts on his phone to a different woman. I confronted him immediately (just before he was due to go away for a few days) and he has apologised non-stop since. He says that he liked the attention she was giving him and that he is sorry and does not want our marriage to end.

I feel numb. It doesn't feel the same anymore. He is a hardworking man who is wonderful with our DCs. I love him very much.

Beeboles have a chat with citizens advice about your options moving forward. I'm not sure how old your youngest is but mine were 11 months and 2.3 years when I separated so I ended up on IS for a short while until I got myself together and returned to work part time as they both started Reception and Nursery. It wasn't ideal going on IS but as my ExH lost his job I didn't have any other options. The mortgage company were very kind and gave me a payment break for a short while as well.

It may look bleak but everything works out ok in the end.

Do get as much info as you can. From CAB, but also from a solicitor.
Check the online calculator for maintenance payments.

As you have been a SAHP you can also get spousal maintenance, or get a bigger percentage of the house.
It's probably not as bad as it may seem now.

I guess I just have to make a decision and stick to it.

I think you're right. But you don't have to do so until you're ready. I think you'd feel happier in yourself if you had some accurate information on the financial implications, so I second the advice to get some professional advice.

He's let you down repeatedly. Make your moves in your own sweet time.

I'd recommend you start doing some research by speaking to a solicitor about all of this, as they will be best placed to advise you on what a divorced life will look like financially - it doesn't mean you are getting divorced, but it does mean that you don't have to guess. If you've never been divorced, you don't know what it means to go through the process and come out the other side. It is not the same as a relationship breakup. You may be pleasantly surprised at the benefits of kicking this man to the curb.

Even if you decide to stay for now - there is no guarantee he isn't going to leave. No one can be forced to stay married if they don't want to and if he's seeking thrills elsewhere, it may only be a matter of time before he these thrills become boring. That may make him a better husband, or a more adventurous one...

Re any earlier comment of yours:-

"If it wasn't for the kids I would have already ended it".

Do not stay within this because of or for the childrens sakes. They should not be used as glue here to bind you and your H together and they will not ultimately thank you for staying with someone who cannot remain faithful. What do you want to teach them about relationships here?.

I would seek legal advice asap so you know where you stand financially.

So he's been taking the piss and humiliating you for quite some time, you've now caught him for the third time, how can you actually have any respect for him, he certainly has sod all for you, he's a total embarrassment. I know you are worried about your kids but you are in a situation where you don't really have an option but to move on with your life without him, he's made that pretty easy for you.

He might be hard working but he aint husband material, in fact not even boyfriend.