My husband is a nasty bastard. There, I said it. I know this, but I'm so pathetic I haven't got it in me to leave. What is wrong with me?
I need breast surgery that will result in small, possibly deformed breasts with a lot of scarring. They're deformed now, but my health is at stake without the op. In recent weeks (and actually, throughout our marriage) my husband has referred to women with 'no tits' as disgusting, men, not at a womanly and other pleasantries. He later denies saying any of this, or I misunderstood him.
At times he is the loveliest man in the world, he works full time and I'm a SAHM, but he does loads to help in the house, let's me have lay ins every weekend. (Youngish baby who wakes at night) Let's me spend what I want. But he is insanely jealous (I added a friend request on Facebook and within five mins he'd text asking who it was) and although he mostly tries to hide it, he doesn't really like me having my own life outside the family. I recently started helping a charity for half a day a week and he can be a bit abrasive about it, although he doesn't actually say anything.
There have been a few episodes of violence a long time ago. If I mention this at any time he says 'oh yes, I'm a wife beater, aren't i?' And resents me mentioning it. He hasn't been violent for years now, but does use physical aggression during arguements, walking fast up to me and shouting in my face, for example. In the most recent he called me a disgusting slut. I'm not completely innocent, I name call back and shout back, sometimes i instigate the rows. In fact, maybe I mostly do.
I find life hard. I've recently started wondering if I could be bipolar. I've had repeated episodes of depression throughout my whole life, but I do have periods where I feel extremely positive about my future and am happy. More and more lately I think about dying, but my children need me. Maybe they're better off without me, I don't know.
I had a row with my husband last night. He left, well, I asked him to leave. I phoned him and asked him to look after the children this morning as I had something to do. He didn't answer my repeated calls, but turned up half an hour later. So he must have ignored my calls deliberately. He has ignored me all day, I've been in bed, I feel dreadful, now taken our DD out. I tried to reach out to him before he left, but he told me he hates me, I'm disgusting and he wants nothing to do with me. I feel like total shit and I've reached for the wine... I don't normally drink much at all. 
He will bring our DD back later and just go out to his work thing as planned. He won't give a shit if I'm upset or what state I'm in.