In tears over exP and pregnancy

[HollyGuacamolly]

Some of you may have seen my previous thread but background is boyfriend split from me after discovering I was pregnant and tried to force me into an abortion.

He's since changed his mind and is now hounding me about the access he will get to the baby, I suggested weekends (he works full time and lives in a house share), but this isn't good enough and he wants 50/50 custody :(.

He's calling me selfish, a shit mum, threatening to make a list of every time I stop him seeing the baby to show it when it's older to "prove he wanted to see him" and generally being nasty.

I am genuinely at a loss of what to do - I can't block his number as I don't have that function on my phone - believe me I've tried!

He's making me feel so guilty as well, am I stopping a genuine man from being a father?

He may want contact to avoid child support. i know someone who's ex does this and the baby is looked after by tv and jelly beans.

While you are pregnant and the baby has not been born, you can tell this man to fuck right off and refuse all contact with him. You do not have to tell him when the baby is born, you do not have to allow him to see the new baby, you do not have to put him on the birth certificate. For him to have his name on the birth certificate against your wishes, he will have to launch legal proceedings, which is a complicated process that will cost him money.,

HE HAS NO RIGHTS OVER YOU. You do not have to obey him, listen to him, see him or speak to him. If he or anyone else has told you that he has a right to contact with you 'as the father' then they are talking rubbish. He has no rights at all until the baby is born, and even then he can be ignored, blocked and stonewalled for quite a long time. Given that it looks like this man is not remotely interested in being a father and simply trying to upset and punish you, cut him out of your life completely and he will go away.

I didn't put my dd's father on her birth cert. At least that way it is up to if there is a relationship between him and your child.

In my case, her father did develop a relationship of sorts with her, but I was mainly concerned about not being given permission to leave the country.

Holly you may find he is talking about 50/50 to avoid maintenance.

Has your solicitor advised how much it would cost for him to take you to court? Please keep the abusive texts etc. please report him to midwife immediately so his nasty comments etc are on record. Report any harassment to the police - you may need this evidence. Do it straight away.

At some point your baby may have unsupervised contact with this man, you need to make authorities aware now of what he us like. It will be harder later on if you never reported it now.

Oof, you have nothing to feel guilty about. I suspect he knows you are a kind person who easily feels guilt (unlike him) and is taking advantage of that. Doesn't sound like the kind of father who will be a positive part of any child's life.

Similar happened to a friend: after walking out on her when she got pregnant, this charmer reappeared a month before due date to announce that he was taking 100% custody of the child. We laughed in his face. He didn't even try to carry out his threat: after all, looking after a child involves, y'know, hard work. Men like this don't do hard work, in my experience.