How would you react??

[MummyC12]

Don't even know where to start!
From the beginning is probably best. My husband and I have 2 little girls, our eldest is 2 and youngest is 6 months.
My Husband (We'll call him Jake) started a new job In March and has a female colleague who started at the same time (Lets call her Jean) anyway I could see she was confident, bubbly, Lively (everything I'm not!). Shes also recently divorced with 2 children. Anyway he started talking about her abit and I voiced my concerns to friends that with having problems in our marriage atm that I can see something going wrong here! They all thought I was being paranoid etc so I took their advice and shrugged it off.
Jean seems to be centre of the male attention in the work place, she has one colleague who is engaged trying it on constantly and making flirty jokes (lets call him Jim) and another colleague whom she went off with on a night out and neither turned up for work the next day.
Anyway I found some texts on my Husbands phone from his work colleague (Johnny) that read something along the lines off....
Johnny: Alright mate, In home and Ed sheeran came on. Think of ya.
Jake: Sorry just got your text. hope your looking after my milf lmfao :)
Johnny: Haha. Jims all over her, really cringey to watch and shes pissed so shes just letting it happen.
Now on top of this I know 100% he's text her in the last couple days to ask for the managers number BUT theres no trace of any text on his phone so he must of deleted all messages from her...
I'm absolutely gutted and not reacted yet and found out yesterday afternoon. I dont know how I feel about this (I trust 100% that he hasnt cheated but is that more down to her enjoying the attention from everyone so making no comitment or is it because its genuinely harmless)
:'( :'( :'(

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

So is Jean "asking for it" Hickory?

Because when my husband meets a particularly flirtatious or sexually inappropriate woman he tends to avoid and ignore them. Not ply them with drink and send lewd degrading texts about them.

[Cabrinha]

Your husband has deleted a text exchange with another woman.

Yes, your suspicions are justified.

Have you heard the definition of cheating as - anything you wouldn't tell your partner?

There you go.

And don't accuse people of being judgemental when you give half a story.

He sounds like an arsehole, btw.

[kaykayblue]

Hi Op,

Did it ever occur to you that your husband might have tried it on with Jean over text messages, and didn't get a rise? And that's why he deleted them?

Or she flirted with him and he didn't rise to it, so he deleted them.

I don't understand why your mind immediately jumps to "they must both have been flirting".

Your attitude towards this woman is shocking - do you even know if any of this is true first hand? Or are you just going on office gossip you've heard through your husband? You say that "I don't care what she does with her sex life" but you clearly do, since you are the one desperately clutching at your pearls because a single woman had a one night stand with a single guy. And might have flirted a little with some other dude.

I think we need to call the Church elders - STAT!!

You seem desperate to excuse the way your husband and his colleagues have been talking about this woman, despite having no apparent direct knowledge of what the fuck has been going on.

But in summary it seems to be your husband is talking about another woman very disrespectfully, which in turn disrespects you. Yo don't care about the other woman being spoken badly about, but you are are completely butt hurt about the subsequent effect on you.

Unfortunately you have to give two shits about other women if you expect other women to give two shits about you - Maybe others will be more charitable.

[Hickorydickory12]

Of course the woman isn't asking for it. I'm just saying some women whether pissed or not thrive on the attention.
Just because someone has had a few drinks and is tipsy doesn't mean she doesn't know what she's doing.
Some women only feel validated when they get attention by any means. I'm not excusing the men at all. But sleazy men and attention seeing women are a bad combination.

[kaykayblue]

Yea but the end of the day she is single.

Unless you buy into this bizarre myth that married men turn into creatures incapable of rational thought, loyalty or self control when presented with an attractive women who is vaguely flirting with them.

Your husband is the one with a ring on his finger. It's his responsibility to control how he interacts with this woman.

Jesus, even if he walked in to find her naked, spread eagled on the sofa with neon lights saying "FUCK ME BIG BOY" then it's still HIS responsibility to tell her to go fuck herself, he's a married man. And to put some goddamn clothes on.

[Jan45]

You are right to be concerned, sounds like they are sending flirty texts, esp if he's deleting them, why would you if they were innocent.

I'd feel upset too that my partner was doing this behind my back, it's not a good way to be and shows a lot of disrespect for you.

As for the conversation re this woman and the milf talk, what age are they, they sound like teenagers.