How would you react??

[MummyC12]

Don't even know where to start!
From the beginning is probably best. My husband and I have 2 little girls, our eldest is 2 and youngest is 6 months.
My Husband (We'll call him Jake) started a new job In March and has a female colleague who started at the same time (Lets call her Jean) anyway I could see she was confident, bubbly, Lively (everything I'm not!). Shes also recently divorced with 2 children. Anyway he started talking about her abit and I voiced my concerns to friends that with having problems in our marriage atm that I can see something going wrong here! They all thought I was being paranoid etc so I took their advice and shrugged it off.
Jean seems to be centre of the male attention in the work place, she has one colleague who is engaged trying it on constantly and making flirty jokes (lets call him Jim) and another colleague whom she went off with on a night out and neither turned up for work the next day.
Anyway I found some texts on my Husbands phone from his work colleague (Johnny) that read something along the lines off....
Johnny: Alright mate, In home and Ed sheeran came on. Think of ya.
Jake: Sorry just got your text. hope your looking after my milf lmfao :)
Johnny: Haha. Jims all over her, really cringey to watch and shes pissed so shes just letting it happen.
Now on top of this I know 100% he's text her in the last couple days to ask for the managers number BUT theres no trace of any text on his phone so he must of deleted all messages from her...
I'm absolutely gutted and not reacted yet and found out yesterday afternoon. I dont know how I feel about this (I trust 100% that he hasnt cheated but is that more down to her enjoying the attention from everyone so making no comitment or is it because its genuinely harmless)
:'( :'( :'(

[scottishmummy]

Quick to judge boorish men,and misogyny yes

[AnyFucker]

Indeed

OP, your latest post doesn't make it sound any better. I am sorry.

[BuildYourOwnSnowman]

It's still an unhealthy working relationship between the two men and although you may be excusing johnny and jake, jim is still being inappropriate

As said above, mention it to him - but I think he will have a bigger shock if you spell out quite how inappropriate and unprofessional their behaviour is

[MummyC12]

But yet its okay for me to be called a prick because im not offended by a word you are?
Hypocrites come to mind.
I just wanted abit of friendly talk and appreciate the few friendly advice Iv recieved.

[scottishmummy]

Ok your 2 issues are

1. Your suspicion partner may be unfaithful
   
2. His behaviour,language and text regard this colleague
   

What do you want to do

[AnyFucker]

No, I said your husband was a prick

[AnyFucker]

and he is

[FidelineAndBombazine]

So what you are saying OP is that;

a) Jean is a bit of a disgrace for being drunken and flirtatious and she's 'painted a picture herself'

b) Johnny and Jake are NOT being sexist or disgraceful, they are just having a laugh

c) MILF is 'just a word like any other'

d) your DH has done nothing wrong and you 'trust 100% that he hasn't cheated'

Is that it?

[MummyC12]

What I am Saying is.

A. My husband is refering to a work colleague ina way that makes me suspicious
B. My husband has been deleting messages from and too this woman suggesting MUTUAL flirting to say the least
C. I am not even slightly bothered about how drunk she is and how many men want to sleep with her. Her sex life is her business. It's my husbands secretiveness and references regarding this woman that are causing me upset.

[scottishmummy]

Cutting to chase,he's clearly hiding txt,he's inappropriate,he's boorish around other men

[AnyFucker]

When you take out your tacit approval of his misogyny you sound a whole lot more reasonable

He is waaaay out of order, even if we disagree on the precise details of fuckwittery

What are you going to do, love ?

[Joysmum]

MummyC12 I'd give up on this thread if I were you

It's ok to feel an attraction to others, not ok to pursue it. If you feel uncomfortable then speak to your DH and the 2 if you can try to work out how to improve your marriage.

[scottishmummy]

Give up why?cause it's not all awww hun,and gratuitous faces
His language in regard to this lady is appalling,it can't be minimised
And relationships topic isn't a necessarily hand hold and mn hug

[FidelineAndBombazine]

Why do you prefer not to ask him what he's playing at?

Are you worried he'll bamboozle you?

[King1982]

Have/of, tomato/toomato

[Hurr1cane]

Someone's all over her and she's so pissed she's just letting it happen?

I'd bloody tell your husband that this is sexual assault and say you're going to take that text message to the police so they can check on her

[Hurr1cane]

That poor woman. She's not a slut. She sounds like she could be very lonely and being taken advantage of.

[WalkWithTheLonelyOnes]

Poor woman. Imagine if she knew that all of the men she works with laugh about her being sexually assaulted while she's drunk.

OP your husband is disrespectful to women. Laughing when he finds out she's too drunk to consent and also calling her a MILF. He sounds plain vile and not a man I would want as a role model for my daughters given how little respect he has for women.

OP I don't know why your getting so worked up. It's not MN's fault your husband is a slut-s shaming, rape-condoner.

I think you need to look at yourself and figure out that you're better off without a man who holds women so much contempt and so little respect irregardless of deleted texts.

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

People aren't quick to judge they merely judge on the information given. It's very telling that you are drip feeding the information according to the response you are getting.

Without doubt you remember your DH using the term "my MILF" to describe a colleague. That in itself for me would be enough to make my respect for him shrivel up and die, never mind any physical and sexual attraction.

He shouldn't be referring to any woman like that, let alone a professional colleague. I'm sorry that we aren't all rounding on this woman to make you feel better about your DH's behaviour, but surely the unanimous feedback here must tell you something?

Between all the drinking, flirting, chatting, nick naming , texting, gossiping does anyone get any work done in this establishment? The bunch of them sound like immature work shy bloody idiots.

Perhaps if you spoke to your husband you could both round on Jean to make yourselves feel better.

[AgentProvocateur]

Where do these men work - the 1950s?

I'd kick DH out purely for being a dick if I found texts like that.

[King1982]

I think 'rape condoning' is a bit of a stretch in this case. I think we have all kissed people we wouldn't have when drunk. Not sexually assaulted, very much a subconscious decision to be more impulsive

[Vivacia]

I have never stood around sending mocking texts or laughing at someone being sexually assaulted.

[QisforQcumber]

"Jims all over her, really cringey to watch and shes pissed so shes just letting it happen"

^ Nice colleagues Jean has.

Where I work if someone has a wee bit too much to drink we generally order a taxi and make sure they get home safely. We don't let other colleagues with boundary issues take advantage and then text each other a blow by blow account of it. Twats.

[Hickorydickory12]

Not all women are as white as snow. We all know some women who deliberately flirt and encourage men regardless of whether they're married or not. Whether you like it or not some women thrive in attention and will do anything to get it, regardless if the consequences to families.
I do not agree with slut shaming at all, but some women deliberately set out to cause havoc and I really don't think they should be defended too much.
Op I get why you're upset, your dh is behaving sleazy, when he should be more respectful of his dw. Yes we all find others attractive, but this is crossing the line.'

[WalkWithTheLonelyOnes]

king you're right, it is a massive stretch and I apologise for that phrase