Sleeping separately - moving back in.

[SleepSolution]

We've been sleeping separately for best part of a year (long story, basically he has insomnia, doesn't want to be disturbed by me or DC). We are moving house next week, downsizing and we there will be nowhere sensible to sleep separately. We shall be back in the same room, with two single beds rather than a double bed. I'm beginning to get very worried at the thought. Has anyone had separate rooms then successfully moved back together and got any tips?

I don't want to go back to sleeping on the floor, but just cannot see how this is going to work and I have no faith that this move is going to cure his insomnia in any practical way.

Very disturbing and concerning.

You are being manipulated and having your rights violated and abused. Why are you being brainwashed in to thinking everything is your fault for his inability to sleep?

What's wrong with a sofa bed?

And as for demanding sex, especially with a child in the room and PUTTING A CONDOM ON WHILST CHILD IS IN THE ROOM well that's just damn wrong and a Safeguarding Issue for your children.

You both need some help, him medical, and you counselling to understand what he is doing to you and your children is wrong.

Yes, the trying to have sex on you while DC are present and awake is the sort of thing that social services would be concerned about.
I thin talking to Women's Aid would be a very good idea. Because you and the DC would be a lot better off without this selfish, abusive, dangerous man in the house. WA should be able to help you either move elsewhere or have him removed and prohibited from returning.

Hi OP.

How long have you known your DH for? Because not only does he sound weird and volatile but also the way you write about him makes me think you never really knew him very well - he sounds like a mystery / stranger to you (and you to him).

Whatever, I think he's lost it and he sounds frankly a little dangerous.

Is that his idea of sex anyway, that without any other activities he just puts a condom on, ready for action? Are you supposed to be prepared at all times?

OP, I agree with those who say you should contact Women's Aid. I think you are brainwashed into thinking this is a normal relationship - it's as far as normal that I've heard of.

You poor woman. His insomnia affects everyone in the home. It is very debilitating but whatever brought it on in the first place, he's not the only one who needs calming routines.

How on earth does he function at work? Does he drive?

His overwhelming need for sleep consumes both of you, he can't see the damage he is doing to your marriage. He must get some micro sleeps to keep going but try and get him to go back to the doctor. Can you write a letter and see the doctor gets it, outlining the past fortnight and H's insistence on drinking?

From what you've said OP you’ve already lost the partnership part of marriage. It's like you face single-parenting without any freedoms.

He didn't seem to take into account any possible social isolation, when reviewing moving.

He resents you for getting adequate rest and there's already a breakdown in intimacy. By being demanding about sex he thinks he is ensuring you aren't rejecting him. I don't know how he can say you are the controlling one when you are being pushed to the limit.

You aren't being selfish, you have two dependent DCs so you have their well-being to consider too. You have mentioned PILs, what about your family?

Is this abusive man still pestering you for sex in front of the children/high risk of the children seeing/hearing ? Social Services might be quite interested in that.

You really are not listening are you ?

How can you live like this ? You might as well got a dog basket and sleep in that but be sure to leave your knickers off so he can get access to your vagina at his convenience.

I'm so uncertain if I'm being unreasonable or not in asking for some 'ground rules' of moving back in together

OP there is doing your best to hang on in there "in sickness and in health" but you are not Superwoman so please look very carefully at what is going on now and how long you can endure this, because he can't or won't help himself. Some issues may only have begun since his insomnia started but when a patient doesn't comply with medical advice it is hopeless tiptoeing around him and adapting the lives of everyone around him to fit round his illness. And if his PILs are so local let them have him to stay and give you a breathing space.