We're not good in bed....

[Nosexytimes]

I've been seeing someone new the last few months and the sex is rubbish.
I've got no experience (i mean none ) so thought it was just cause I was rubbish at me but he assures me it isn't.
The trouble is a really really like him but now that I have started I really want to have decent sex.
What do I do?

In what way is it rubbish?

In what way is it rubbish?

What does he say (other than it's not you) when you talk to him about it?

Have you told him what you would like?

Because clearly you've broached it on some level, so that's a step in the right direction...

Well the main things are communication and time.

Learn each other

What way is it rubbish? Are you uncomfortable/stressed/nervous etc which is blocking your enjoyment?

Or is he making no effort to find out what you like or try and turn you on?

He can't really keep it hard....
He says he needs to go to the dr that I deserve better a d he is sorry.
To be honest I'm not hugely bothered at the moment as he is my first I don't really know what I'm missing.
Can't tell him what I like cause I don't eve know myself :/ I feel so stupid about all this.

Why is it not good?

Give us a starting point.

I remember an ex - he was very fucking lazy in bed. After out first time he said

"It will get better"....

It didn't ! Not because if me I'm shit hot he was just shit!

I think me being stressed and nervous about it is also a problem cause he does try other ways but I'm just thinking I should hAv 'O' by now what's wrong with me then I just get uncomfortable.

Xpost!

It's not you! He does need to go to the doctor .

Hmmm.... That's very stressful.

Sex should be a wonderful part if any adult intimate relationship. So it's good you're not prepared to settle for anything less.

Ask him to talk to his gp about erectile disfunction and go from there?

Have you tried having a glass a few of wine to relax?

Also, you can achieve the big o from oral sex, masturbation. Is he good at that stuff?

Are you able to make yourself orgasm through masturbation? That's a good starting point in knowing what works for you.

Ha softly he may think I'm an alcoholic at this point
I do really enjoy it to start with then I'm very conscious that I'm not orgasming and I think I should be??

Also try massaging each other - with the view not to have sex. Just to massage and stroke and be relaxed.

Candles , music, oil but no sex. It takes the pressure off and you can unwind and relax and be intimate with each other with out it hanging over your head.

Defo he needs to go doctors

Never had an orgasm jean... I know very sad!

Oh god, I don't come every time with dp. Mostly but not always .

Seriously if I've a lot on my mind I just can't switch off. I used to have to concentrate really hard to OG when I was younger.

Can you OG by yourself?

Wow that was a really personal question sorry !!

I think sometimes orgasms can take time. TMI here but I have to be in a relationship to be able to climax. One offs have never done it for me.

It takes time I think getting to know each other's likes and dislkikes and what works for you/them.

Have you never had an orgasm alone? Feel free not to answer but I find if I know what makes me tick it is easier to show my do.

Xposting again !

Firstly I would learn how to pleasure your self so you know how your body feels.

Sometimes I have to get myself in the right position usually me in top to OG

Buy your self a rabbit ! seriously do it.

pass same here.

I have to be emotionally connected.

I just think you need to take it down a few notches. If he cant stay hard then it may well be that he is overly anxious and this is creating a 'performance anxiety' situation. It could also be that he has a medical condition which needs to be checked out.

Good sex takes time and practice, it doesn't just usually happen. Is he experienced? Where you a virgin before you met him?

There is some good advice above - try oral, masturbation etc etc. And its not the end of the world if you don't come. To start having sex with the expectation of orgasm is putting unnecessary pressure on you. More often than not I cum.. but if I don't, no biggie

Relax and enjoy it for what it is. Try and shut off the conscious part of your brain. Sex is ALL about pleasure, not thought. Stay in the moment and focus on what's being done to you, not what you should be feeling/achieving.

Ahh I read you never had an orgasm OP. Does that mean - never in your life had one or just with him?

If never.. well that's your homework OP... learn how to make yourself cum. I firmly believe that this is the beginning and the root of all female sexual pleasure. How do you know what you want if you have never felt it yourself?

It may well be easier to use a vibrator but i would recommend, in the beginning, using your own fingers. You will learn much more about yourself that way.

Have you tried working out your pelvic muscles a bit? Try going for a wee (not in the midst of having sex with this guy, obvs) and then stopping the flow mid-stream.

But if OP was a virgin (I think I'm right in saying that) then surely they will all be in tip top wont they?

I think anxiety may be key here...

As others have said, if you've never O'd you don't know if you can. Some people can't from penetrative sex, ever. Some people can't O in general, ever.

You need to find out if you can (I'd try manual clitoral stimulation first) first.

Then, don't focus on that during the act. You can enjoy the rest and just go with the flow.