Ex DH trying to trick me?

[Chocolate99]

Hello ladies, DH and I split last month after marriage being on last legs for some time. Re finances we wish to avoid solicitors being involved as much as possible but that being said, I have taken legal advice from solicitors and will proceed with them if I don't get a fair deal from ex. He has recently come up with this proposal which makes it sound fair but I think will long term not be in mine and DS interests.

House worth £225, mortgage approx. £19k. so equity of minimum £100k each. He proposes that he cannot afford to buy me out and instead suggests the following

me and DS remain in house paying £120 per month mortgage for next 18 years, we both continue to own 50% each.

He will not pay any maintenance during this time @ £300 per month saving him £65k over 18 years.

After 18 years we can sell or I can buy him out at 50% of whatever the value is then.

he says this is best as wont have upheaval of moving out of family home for DS and minimal mortgage payment for me, close to DS pre school etc, friends.

These are the issues I have with it and do you think this is reasonable?

in 18 years time I will be mid 50s so unable to get new mortgage.
I don't want to be financially linked to him for 18 years.
this deal is dependent on me not claiming any of his pension or making claim for spousal maintenance. if he decides to sell after x amount of years, I am guessing I cannot then claim for police pension and spousal maintenance retrospectively so will be shafted that way.
if I want to buy him out at end of 18 years, at £100k I would need to save £500 per month for next 18 years and obviously the house will be worth more by then so that amount will be insufficient.
I would rather a clean break as he is not good with his finances despite earning more than double what I earn, should he get into financial diffuculty in the future, I may be forced to sell house etc as he has part share.
I will be paying the existing small mortgage, maintaining and improving the house and then he is entitled to 50% does not seem fair deal to me.

all in all I cant see any of this being good beyond staying in family home - what do you think? I will obviously be taking this to solicitor but as he is refusing mediation, I wonder if he will come back with a second offer..

thanks for reading my gibber jabber :)

Sounds very unfair and doesn't take into account his wage rises or the maintenance going up.

And he wants to benefit from presumed property rise at full value!

You are NOT getting a fair deal at all if you agree to this and I think you should take advice from a solicitor.

I have one word ... SOLICITOR!

crap deal - SOLICITOR

This is mental. Do not accept it. He is actually offering you nothing. Well apart from letting you stay in the home.

You are entitled to half that house and maintenance and possibly some pension.

If your dh can afford other accomodation the judge could well suggest you can stay there till your son is 18 anyway.

I think this is precisely the kind of thing that is worth running past a solicitor rather than trying to tackle it single-handed (even with the accumulated brain power of MN). Whatever you agree has to be fair and reasonable. This is the first divorce settlement you've ever processed whereas a solicitor will see the gaps in it immediately.

Bad deal - don't forget he may remarry and then she will want him to sell.

On a quick look it doesn't look like a good plan - surely if you are paying the mortgage to keep the roof over your and DS heads, STBX should pay maintenance ? Especially if he expects to get 50% of proceeds on eventual sale - for a house that he presumably doesn't plan to keep upkeep of?

I suspect a court is more likely to rule that family house is sold and you and DS downsize to one that you can afford with a new mortgage (perhaps paid/contributed to be ex until DS is 18). You have after all sacrificed earning power (I presume) in order to raise DS, and this is what needs to be borne in mind - hence share of pension etc.

What does your lawyer say about this 'cunning plan'?

Get thee to a solicitor directly. He's trying it on.

If he wants to keep a stake in the property and take 50% in years to come then he has to contribute to it.
And he has to pay maintenace.
Definitely get a solicitor.
I offered my ex a deal that he was insulted by.
When I went to a solicitor I took it straight off the table as I was being way too generous.
You'll be surprised.
Go via a solicitor. That'll sort out the men from the boys.

Thanks Lauri hadn't even thought about his salary going up over those 18 years and in the police it goes up every year, so will be more than £65k then cheeky bugger!

quite likely - yes I thought he was playing the I am being nice to you card but in reality I am getting way less than half then?!

He earns considerably more than I and keeps every penny to himself, obsessed by money and not even asked about access to DS once - pathetic really.

Cog - I have apt with solicitor next week and have DH him saying no to the proposal on the grounds it isn't in mine and DS best interest so I have it in writing.

thanks so much ladies, he kept trying to sugar coat it by saying it can all be arranged really quickly etc x

I make it a rule in life to beware of anyone trying to sell me a deal on the basis that it is 'easy', 'quick' or 'cheap'... :)

120 a month - is that half the current mortgage or the full amount? What if interest rates go up?

He's trying it on because he knows the courts will give you a much better deal than that. So say no and let your solicitor do the work. Tight selfish git.

I think you'll feel really pleased after you've seen solicitor. You'll end up with a deal five times better than this.

Walk - I think he was saying he would pay no maintenance because I would only be paying £120 mortgage payment instead of £700 or similar if I had to buy my own place. He doesn't do any work on house at the moment and everything in it, seriously everything that is not a tv, was bought by me.

thanks hells and cosie, you know when you are thinking am I being thick as this doesn't seem to be as great as he clearly wants me to think it is?

he basically saying he cant afford mortgage on his own house AND maintenance FFS!

And he's calculating the maintenance he would pay at £300 a month.

There are no rozzers who only earn £1500 a month

You would get 20% of salary for maintenance of one child or thereabouts - my friends a sergeant and is on £46k, so would be paying £600 a month for one child.

Yes well be ruthless. Remember that this is about safeguarding your DS, for now and in the future.

unreal - it is £120 per month total on 5 year fixed deal, so yes would have to renegotiate upon that ending.

pointy and rose - I have consulted 3 solicitors on free consultation, some said 60/40 split with spousal maintenance every month but to ignore maintenance as cant be relied up, pension claim etc, then others said to capitalise spousal maintenance as one off payment with 50/50 splt, other said I may have to inflate my monthly outgoings to get spousal maintenance ( I don't live beyond my means unlike him).

I am going to see one next week who has been recommended as a bit of a pitbull which is what I need :)

Not saying you should do this but I would take the house as a clean break in lieu of maintenance even if it would be a really good deal for him.

As I've seen so many people get shit on from a great height by exes refusing to pay maintenance, leaving jobs to avoid it etc.

I would basically want the house and a clean break and not be tied financially.

If 120 is the total amount of mortgage and he's not paying maintenance then what exactly is he paying?

Assuming he's on 30k he would be giving you 400 a month PLUS half the cost of housing (possibly all of it) at 60.

So that would be 460 a month. I'm sure he can manage that.

He's having a laugh.

Laurie he is on just under £40k and think it is 15% after pension but before tax and NI< he pays a fair bit into pension and is very protective of it!

Yes rosepetal he seems to think I am after the money for me but seems to forget that I will be one providing and caring for DS and with his shifts he is not going to be doing school pickups, sick days etc so he remains unaffected work and salary wise.

I really like Laurie's idea. I'm not divorced but think if I was getting divorced I'd do that too -- I'd love the idea of the clean break, and of staving off any future unreliability.

You may also want a percentage of his very generous police pension - even if he's only been paying in 5 years the pot may be running at 80-100k

How long have you been married?

You really, really need to see a solicitor

Unreal he is obsessed with money being HIS money and has been so throughout relationship. he knows the law so hes just trying to be sneaky and bully me. he gets £3200 before tax and pension etc, whereas I get £1500...

laurie he has tried that a few times but doubt it, he wants to be inspector so cant see him doing that just a ploy but see what you mean, he has previously said he would give £500 a month maintenance to be nice but only if I didn't take 50% as poor him wouldn't be able to do both :)

I have obtained pension statement from 2007 which states £45k and that was when he transferred it from private pension to police pension and he pays 13% on his salary and presumably the police top it up. so another 7 years added on, must be worth a bit now?