Ex DH trying to trick me?

[Chocolate99]

Hello ladies, DH and I split last month after marriage being on last legs for some time. Re finances we wish to avoid solicitors being involved as much as possible but that being said, I have taken legal advice from solicitors and will proceed with them if I don't get a fair deal from ex. He has recently come up with this proposal which makes it sound fair but I think will long term not be in mine and DS interests.

House worth £225, mortgage approx. £19k. so equity of minimum £100k each. He proposes that he cannot afford to buy me out and instead suggests the following

me and DS remain in house paying £120 per month mortgage for next 18 years, we both continue to own 50% each.

He will not pay any maintenance during this time @ £300 per month saving him £65k over 18 years.

After 18 years we can sell or I can buy him out at 50% of whatever the value is then.

he says this is best as wont have upheaval of moving out of family home for DS and minimal mortgage payment for me, close to DS pre school etc, friends.

These are the issues I have with it and do you think this is reasonable?

in 18 years time I will be mid 50s so unable to get new mortgage.
I don't want to be financially linked to him for 18 years.
this deal is dependent on me not claiming any of his pension or making claim for spousal maintenance. if he decides to sell after x amount of years, I am guessing I cannot then claim for police pension and spousal maintenance retrospectively so will be shafted that way.
if I want to buy him out at end of 18 years, at £100k I would need to save £500 per month for next 18 years and obviously the house will be worth more by then so that amount will be insufficient.
I would rather a clean break as he is not good with his finances despite earning more than double what I earn, should he get into financial diffuculty in the future, I may be forced to sell house etc as he has part share.
I will be paying the existing small mortgage, maintaining and improving the house and then he is entitled to 50% does not seem fair deal to me.

all in all I cant see any of this being good beyond staying in family home - what do you think? I will obviously be taking this to solicitor but as he is refusing mediation, I wonder if he will come back with a second offer..

thanks for reading my gibber jabber :)

No definitely not. you're being totally conned. You do realise if he's a police officer then you'll be entitled to a very healthy part of his pension? ?

He's trying to con you out of a monthly income when he retires and maintenance just now.

go to a solicitor

Well very simply for you to give up half his current pension pot would likely be worth his half of the house.

So the house is yours.

And you'd like 20% of his salary for maintenance till DS leaves education.

Even if you don't get the above (you will), you can see how stupidly unfair his proposal was.

I wouldn't talk to him about it - my ex was awful to me when we split - evil text messages for months on end ranting about how I was after his money. It really led me to doubt myself and I didn't get half but got all the responsibility as I caved in way too soon - he has much more financial resources than me.

If I could do it again I would see a solicitor, ask what I'm likely to get - propose it in one letter to opposing side and then proceed to court in the quickest and cheapest time. What I wouldn't do is spend £6 k on letters and solicitors back and forth constantly defending my point of view - I made a real mistake trying to persuade him what I wanted was reasonable.

See a solicitor, the PitBull one sounds perfect.

See the financial settlement as a business transaction. Don't think about what he will say, think, feel or accuse you of. Just tell him you are leaving it all to the court to decide and get what is legally yours. If you feel you get too much, save part of it for your dc for uni fees or a house deposit.

Assume that your ex won't contribute voluntarily after your dc is 18. Take the emotion away, use your business head!

It's not in the least bit equitable. You pay all the cost for the house for 75% of the life of the mortgage then he gets half the profit!

Assuming he earns about £50k now, he would be due to pay around £600 a month in maintenance - which is separate from the house finances.

As others have said, talk to a solicitor. I would imagine the starting point would be more than 50% of the property for you anyway, as you (presumably) have your son the vast majority of the time and have lower earning power than he does.

He is hoping you will agree to his deal.

On retiring...
He gets, half your big house. His full pension. Plus money he saves from not paying maintenance. Plus the new house he will buy shortly to live in. Financial security.

You get no maintenance, full responsibility for your dc and the days off work, inability to do overtime, childcare costs, extra general costs, no access to his pension or savings. You then downsize significantly.

Hmm he is taking the piss, get angry, then simmer and treat as a business transaction.

What if you meet someone and want to buy a property together? His idea leaves you with no flexibility at all!

To be nice? . Er no, when you have a child it is an 18 year minimum responsibility.

If you can be bothered ask him why his proposal is so good for you and DS as you can how it is good for him! You pay all the mortgage and provision for your son's costs and he gets to reap half the house value having not paid any maintenance for years.

Solicitor all the way. Don't talk to him about it any more and tell your solicitor he is trying to shaft you and your son.

Twat.

My STBXH is in the police. How long as he been in? The original pension scheme they have is one of the best there is and you need to have it properly valued if you can as the report they get every year called a CETV often significantly undervalues the true worth of the benefits

If you google "police pension in divorce" that will give you some examples.

Please get proper legal advice. If my experience is anything to go by he will try to hang onto it at all costs and this could be useful in negotiating offsetting part of his part of the equity.

The pension slice is a real stoater of a benefit. I bet he's tried to slide that one in hoping you won't realize. (So many women, sadly, don't.)

Oh I love how angry you all are on my behalf! It's fab - I hadn't thought of that will certainly turn the tables on him.

43% when you put it like that it does seem preposterous doesn't it - but he had such a poker face when he said it I doubted myself. Told him I woul t agree to anything g without seeing solicitors and have now told him no anyway so sucks to be him :)

Laurie tbh I hadn't imagined his pension being that great but suppose I need to find out howuch employer contributes to get better idea. No wonder he loves his pension so much then! Barter with it or keep it for my pension?

You ladies are amazing thank you so much! X

Words - he has been in 7 years now sergeant we have been together 10 married 4 so not huge amt of time but better than nothing. I think he missed out on original scheme by about 6 mths? When I have googled it jut seems to be solicitors defending cops pensions :( I have looked everywhere for uptodate statement but can only guess he gets it electronically as nothing since 2007. How does the value get underestimated exactly? Just wondering what I need to watch out for :) x

Let your soon to be pitbull deal with the whole thing. He'll be licking his lips.

What he saves on maintenance is likely to be closer to 80k.

300 payments per month, raising with inflation due to his increase in salary (you have to calculate by how much), but then because he is not paying it, see how much it can go on compound interest in a savings account.
Calculator in US dollars, but it's the numbers that matter.

You need a solicitor with experience in financial matters.

I'd propose that he doesn't pay maintenance and you keep 100% of the house.

NO! That's a full sentence !

Chocolate - Do not depend on advice from MN! Would you go to a solicitor for advice on what to post on this forum? No, well don't go to this forum for definitive advice on your divorce settlement!

Having said that i am going to give you some general advice on this (contrary i know but thats just me!) I was a police sgt when i got divorced last year. so in general this is what you should expect.

1. 50% of value of the house
2. an equalisation of pension rights accrued (by both of you) during the marriage. He gets a pension statement every year, but for the correct financial calculations to be made he will have to obtain a CETV, he does this by ringing the pensions section, they then have 30 days to provide it.

There are four ways that this can be provided, transfer to your pension pot, cash lump sum etc. its complicated but if you need to know more PM me)

1. Child support dependant on how much looking after the children he does. (use the CSA online calculator to give you an idea)

Once you know all of these figures couples can and do bargain around them to come up with a solution that works for both. i.e. i'll leave your pension alone if you give me the house etc etc. It is in my opinion almost impossible to do this on your own. you need a Solicitor.

Finally there are solicitors firms that specialise in police divorces, they can usually be found on the local Police Federation website, they have lots of expertise in police pensions in particular which are complex. I strongly suggest that you use one of these companies. If you are anywhere near west yorkshire i can recommend an excellent police divorce specialist. PM me.

I know he pays 13% on pension it dd not know how much employer contributes and just googled it -24.2% so I work that out I be £15k per year for last 7 years but assume only entitled to 4 yrs of that, added to £43k he transferred would be a good figure if I am doing it correctly?!

Thanks lweji I would love to keep the house but too big for me and Little one really. Might like a fresh start. Right, will take everything he says with pinch of salt and refer back to solicitors and as you kind ladies have said start thinking of it as business like he is :) x

Getthefeck - thank you for that I know he has appt to see police fed solicitor person to advise on pension but didn't know I could find one who would attack pension rather than defend if you see what I mean?! Presumably the cetv shows the worth of the pension which is then broken down by how many years we have been married? Pensions are so confusing to me. Some solicitors have said keep it for your pension other said use as bartering tool to get more equity or payable as lump sum.

So if I asked him to obtain a cetv there is no way he can amend it show less value etc?

I would love to keep the house but too big for me and Little one really.
Sure, but if you get 100% of it (or close), you just then sell it.

BAD BAD deal - your finances will still be intertwined for the next 18 years apart from it shafts you financially.

SOLICITOR TIME!

Why should you pay for all the upkeep for him to get a share. Can you imagine he could be asking you to do maintenance on it for a better price.

If you're married it's not 'his' money or 'his' pension...you are entitled to share of both. Don't tie yourself in knots over this deal. See a solicitor...you will not regret it. Guys always seem to want to avoid using a solicitor but why would you? IME anyone trying to get you to talk you out of using a solicitor is trying to pull a fast one.

Nope he won't be able to amend it , (without falsifying the whole document which would be a criminal offence and of course almost certainly be spotted by any solicitor that knew about CETV's. Highly unlikely)

Yup you can use one of these solicitors too. They are just local firms of divorce solicitors that tend to be very experienced in police divorces. unsurprisingly for solicitors they are just as happy to attack those pensions as defend them!

How you bargain his pension rights will be entirely up to you (with your solicitors advice) depending on your current situation and whats important to you. However you CANNOT do this bargaining until you know the value of the pension and your likely entitlement to part of it. You really really do need a solicitor to do this.

Whereabouts in the country are you? (roughly)

Ok he is not in the old scheme then which was a bit more valuable in terms of benefits but still worth considering as he probably wants to hang onto all of it. I won't bore you with why they are undervalued sometimes but if you look on wikivorce they have sections on it. He can get a CETV report from the scheme free every year but has to request it.

I would definitely speak to a solicitor as it sounds like you will need advice as if you lived together before marriage that can make a difference too. Based on what you said here (am not a lawyer) it looks very much in his favour. Maintenance depends on things like overnights with each parent but you can use the online calculator to help with that.

Gethefeck - Cheshire so looking at police federation lindermyers might be good solicitor to see..

I can see why he is doing it cease he wants to protect his interests but he is just being a tool going about it this way instead of being honest. Can't say I am surprised as he has always been manipulative with money even when he lived at home with his parents!