Illicit Encounters - what should I do now?

[Wearingadifferentnametoday]

Hi there

I have changed my name for this as I don't want people who know me on here to know yet.

I have been married for 10 years and have 3 children. Work PT. DH works full time in quite a stressful job. We have our ups and downs but are (I thought) basically stable and quite happy.

On Tuesday I managed to tip a cup of tea into my laptop so it's being repaired. I got home last night and wanted to check something online so used DH's Mac. He was out but I have used it before and he knows I know the password (used to stop the children getting at it) so I logged on and opened a new page. It then offered me "top sites" or favourite sites - where is shows you a choice of the pages you keep going to or have been to before and one of them was the Illicit Encounters website. I clicked on as I didn't know what it was and was very upset. A quick trawl through the history on the Mac reveals he only looked at it on one night in the last few weeks but there are 32 different pages stored, including register and sign in. His search terms appear to be woman 40 to 49, but I can't work out any more from the webpages. That would figure as he is 46 (I am 44).

I went to bed before he came home and in the morning asked him if he minded me using the Mac today as I don't have my laptop at the moment. He was absolutely fine with this, which is odd as if I'd been on a site for people looking for an affair, I'd probably not let him near it.

What do I do now? He is at work and I am here, supposedly working at home but getting nothing done. What do I say? What possible excuse can there be apart from looking for a shag / relationship elsewhere? I can understand looking at the site if someone else had mentioned it or because he was bored etc but he seems to have searched for people which I suspect you can't do unless you register (and probably pay lots of £££).

I am not good at using the Mac as it is slightly different from my PC but I don't think I can have got this so wrong, can I?

I want to tell a RL friend but feel so ashamed. Plus we are going to a friend's 50th on Saturday and have another friend staying from tomorrow so I am not sure how I am going to handle it all.

I feel sick. Anyone got any ideas about what I should say when he comes home tonight?

Sorry this is long and rambling. Not thinking especially clearly.

Ay caramba!

Just to reiterate what others have said. IE is free for women, men pay. I'm not sure on fees, but they do have to subscribe if they want to message someone.

They can however look and search for free, they can narrow by sex, by age band and by county. The idea I suppose being if they see someone they 'like' they are then encouraged to sign up and pay.

It is a married 'dating' site, although there are separated and divorced and widowed people on there. There's been plenty of press coverage about it in the past; easy to search.

I'm no techno expert, but I would say if it is in his history, there's no way it is there accidently. It won't mean he has signed up, but he has looked or searched.

If you can find him on there by narrowing by county and age (although bear in mind most will lie about age and location potentially) it will tell you what type of member he is. If silver, gold, emerald or platinum (from memory) he has paid and can message. If not, he is registered but not paid and can't message.

Not sure this helps, sorry.

He is home now and reading stories. I couldn't search more than 40-49 on it and there were 1700 pages so I would have been there a long time! Don't know what yo think. Might do tesco shop on iPad to see if he has looked on there.

It seems do odd to have him in the house as if nothing has happened. I read some of the FAQs for the site about how yo cheat without being found out and feel even worse. So tawdry.

Age 40 to 49. Couldn't narrow it to search for a particular age.

I would go in and say that you've found out what he's been doing on IE and ask what he thinks he's been doing. Refuse to divulge what you actually know and always insinuate that you know more than you do.
I would be very, very sceptical about this......

wearing I edit a magazine in a completely, different, technical field and I get IE's press releases. They make my flesh crawl

No joy on iPad. Doesn't recognise any of the websites I know he uses regularly so it won't show up either way.

I am so tired. I am not going to say anything tonight but just bide my time and wait til after the weekend as we have people staying and just too complicated.

I know it won't be easy with friends staying over but hope you are okay.

Thank you, eat more. I am very tired and don't feel fan but am putting off any kind of confrontation til after the weekend. It won't be pretty and I feel too rubbish now, and I don't want it to be awkward when we have people staying.

Thank you to everyone for your suggestions and kindness. I do appreciate it hugely