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Original poster

Am I acting entilted???

33 replies

Barbs111 · 02/07/2014 23:10

Basically I'm pregnsnt by my bf and because if how our relationship has been going for last 9-12 months decided that it's best that he doesn't move in with me at the moment, may happen in the future but right now it's not the right thing for us!

Bf spends 3 days/night a week (fri-mon) at my house, and also I have his child here EOW and for longer periods on school holidays!

My house currently needs some work, nothing major just decorating carpets, bit done in garden etc that I have been working really hard to get done before baby arrives as I know once he/she is here it's never going to happen!

My bf was saying he would help with the house getting it uptogether etc but since I made it clear last week that we will not be living together at the moment his attitude has changed to basically "oh well tough work for you, you decided to go it alone" and "I suggest you get your ex husband to help pay for stuff" (my ex husband has never oaid a penny towards this children since we split!

Am I wrong or selfish to think that he might help/contribute in someway towards getting house sorted for his child/girlfriend considering he spends a large amount of time here, brings his child here, where they both get fed, watered, heating etc totally free of charge! Also if he can't bring his child here he does not see them as says his place is to cramped (1 bedroom)

I must say I'm totally shocked by this, can't help but wonder if he actually intends to support the new baby at all!!!

OP posts:
Singingbird · 02/07/2014 23:19

What's happened that you've decided not to live together at the moment? It sounds like he's lashing out a bit at that with the "you decided to go it alone" comment.

Iswallowedawatermelon · 02/07/2014 23:23

It sounds like your bf has moved on.

Sorry op.

Original poster
Barbs111 · 02/07/2014 23:23

It's not a huge bombshell I dropped things were going wrong when I found out I was pregnsnt, there where issues around his drinking, him not wanting child to start and his general behaviour, it was also his decision when he realised how much it would cost him to move in with me as I would loose everything and my small part time wages would not cover the cost of my children let alone anything else! He currently only pays a friend £300 a month to live where he does so he has lots if disposable income

OP posts:
DontstepontheMomeRaths · 02/07/2014 23:23

"oh well tough work for you, you decided to go it alone" and "I suggest you get your ex husband to help pay for stuff"

How petty, he's proving a point. Does he have any good points?

Original poster
Barbs111 · 02/07/2014 23:29

Good so I'm not out of order to think he would want to help out a little with the place he half lives at, brings his child to and is going to have his other child living at full time!

I did finish the relationship he is the one who has been chasing me trying to get back together even going as far as wanting to book a brake away in two weeks time for the two if us!

It's not that I'm expecting him to pay for it all because I'm not but done help would be nice, I have had thing cluttering my bedroom now for 3 months that he has been promising to put in the loft for me and it's still there, he even watched me a few weeks ago up a stepladder painting a celing in the baby's room and just sat and watched footy!

OP posts:
DontstepontheMomeRaths · 02/07/2014 23:31

I'm not sure he should contribute lots if he's not living with you but some help with DIY and with costs for the baby definitely. But tbh I think you'd be better off without him.

Original poster
Barbs111 · 02/07/2014 23:36

That's what I was thinking, I don't expect him to pay for everything but was maybe expecting some help in things that effect him/his child!

He hates my bed, I have no issues with it at all but he wants a different bed and keeps trying to get me to buy one, surley if he doesn't like my bed then she should be the one paying/helping towards the cost if one!

Or helping with baby things, we have to get everything because it was not planned yet he offers no help at all towards the cost of these thing and even the decorating the nursery has come out if my single parents pocket!

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 02/07/2014 23:43

FFS cut him off now. Classic cocklodger. I wouldn't put it past him to have impregnated you on purpose. There are some men who, while they don't actually 'want a baby' (ie they will blame a woman for getting pregnant and do not put any effort into caring for DC they already have) love impregnating women. They want the world to know what a Super Penis they have. They also believe that women are desperate to have a man and keep him, so getting a woman pregnant is a way to get their feet under the table. Once you've got them pregnant, you get to move in and then women will do all the domestic work and ask for nothing, and the man will get his meals cooked and go to the pub when he likes.
You're being punished for not instantly falling over yourself to accomodate him. Don't fall for it.

DontstepontheMomeRaths · 02/07/2014 23:45

Let him chase you all he wants but don't get back together.

Singingbird · 02/07/2014 23:47

Sorry OP, but he's a twat. Can you imagine yourself in a year, two or three years on from here still pandering to him not liking your bed or some other half arsed excuse to duck any attempt at having a reasonably equal relationship?

Get out now while you can.

Mum4Fergus · 03/07/2014 00:21

Run for the hills OP...

PlantsAndFlowers · 03/07/2014 00:55

I think some if these reactions are a bit OTT.

LTB on this evidence, really?!

Clearly he is lashing out because he's upset you're not moving in together, even if he agrees it's the right thing.

Maybe his reaction is a reflection on the reasons why you feel unsure about moving in with him just yet?

Thumbwitch · 03/07/2014 01:00

"Clearly he is lashing out because he's upset you're not moving in together, even if he agrees it's the right thing."

Err, unlikely on further evidence - seeing that the OP would lose all her single parent benefits etc and he'd have to cough up to support her and make up the difference.

OP - please don't bother getting back together with him, he sounds like an immature selfish twat who has no intention of paying his fair dues towards the upkeep of your new baby. Sorry you've got yourself into this situation with him, but he sounds useless. I'm a touch worried that he only wants to get back together with you so he has somewhere he can bring his own child for the weekend contact as well. :(

expatinscotland · 03/07/2014 01:05

Stop thinking of it as 'help'. This guy is a sponger. Don't get back with him.

paxtecum · 03/07/2014 07:04

OP: Ask yourself the following:

Who looks after his child when he's at your house?

Does your 'D'P cook, wash up, tidy up when at your house?

Does he take you all for days out and pay for them?

Does he save any of his wages?

What does he do (if anything) that is helpful to you?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 03/07/2014 07:32

I may be reading the back-story wrong but it all sounds very casual. You're together but you're not together.... there's a baby on the way but no-one's all that committed to each other..... he lives there but he doesn't live there. It's all very half-hearted and I'm not fully sure if you're a couple or not tbh. I think you have bigger questions hanging over the relationship than who does a bit of DIY. Do you actually see a future with this man?

Charley50 · 03/07/2014 09:04

No you aren't acting entitled. He is clearly lazy and tight and will probably become more abusive as time goes on. He already can't seem to look after his own child and is using you as a baby-sitter / carer / hotel. He reminds me of my ex who was tight as fuck and abusive and hard to get rid of!! You sound organised, together, independent and a nice person. Don't let him live with you and good luck with getting him to pay mainenance for the child he's made with you.

Charley50 · 03/07/2014 09:08

Just to add you have totally done the right thing ending it. You are a strong woman it's obvious. You don't need a lazy freeloader like him in your life and neither do your children.

Holdthepage · 03/07/2014 09:11

^^^

Exactly what Charley50 has said. Any man who sits & watches football while his pregnant GF paints a ceiling is a lazy lowlife.

fairyfuckwings · 03/07/2014 09:14

I think he's a scrounger. He'd rather have you rely on benefits (which he also benefits from with his other his other child) than pay his way. Not to mention lazy and a problem drinker? Fuck that. I'd get rid.

Quitelikely · 03/07/2014 09:15

His attitude stinks. I think his behaviour is a good indication of the future. Put yourself and your children first. Obviously if you separate he is never going to help you with your baby since they won't fit into his room. I feel sorry for his other child too.

Original poster
Barbs111 · 03/07/2014 10:25

Thanks ladies your all right his attitude does stink and he has shown me his true colours and the life I will be having if I continue to stay in this cocked up relationship with him!

OP posts:
basgetti · 03/07/2014 10:31

I think you've posted about him before? He is the guy that wants you to lose hundreds in tax credits to have the pleasure of him moving in, for which he will make little contribution? Didn't he also suggest your DCs should give up activities if you could no longer afford them due to his presence? He is a cocklodger, part time at the moment. Do not make it full time.

expatinscotland · 03/07/2014 13:12

Yy, basgetti. I thought the same. The dad was supposed to come and do it all whilst King Cock went to play golf.

Tis person is a loser. Get rid.

Earlybird · 03/07/2014 13:19

OP - it doesn't sound good.

But if things have been lousy between you for nearly a year, he has been behaving badly for a long time, has drink issues, and he doesn't want a child - why are you having a child with this man??

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