Why is my children's father a PITA and stonewalls me when I'm trying to talk to him about our daughters?

[lottieandmias]

I am so mad with him right now - my blood is boiling so I need to get it out here.

I've had to find a new school for one of our children at short notice. The school requires both of us sign the admission forms. This has to be done by Thursday. I have tried getting in contact with him. I left a message on his phone, nothing. Texted, nothing. I explained in the message that it was important for us to meet to agree about the school. Nothing. I phoned him again and he has turned his phone off.

What am I supposed to do? I think he will refuse to sign the forms so what should I do in that event? This is typical for him btw.

My husband has never had to sign a school admissions form. And we have moved around alot. I'm thinking the admission could probably go ahead with one signature? Maybe he thinks that too.

I'm not saying his behaviour is acceptable btw

Also he may be wondering why you actually have to meet just to sign a form? Could you not have emailed it to him or scanned it between you?

It does seem odd the school needs both signatures.

I think you will just have to explain to the school or tell them he is dead

You've tried your hardest to include him.explain to the school that her father is absent and refuses to communicate with you. Tell then you are the main resident carer (I assume this is the case ) and that you have signed it.

Sign the form yourself and hand it in.

If they say anything say to them that if they can find him,they can ask him to sign. You are the responsible adult, you are signing the form.

Thanks - they already know I have residence of the children. He is just so annoying. In cases like this he won't sign anything without consulting a bloody solicitor. I really hope it won't hinder anything.

If they really require his signature take the form back from them and then forge it.

But if I do that could I somehow get into trouble?

I knew he'd be awkward about signing it. He's saying he'll 'have a look at it' well I don't have time for him to have a look at it - the school finishes in a couple of days.

Is it an independent?
I work in one of and we have arrangements for when this happens, speak to the school and explain , you will probably find they have a way to deal with this.

Disengage everything , he's playing a game he's like a cat tourtoring a mouse , don't play then yr in control

Yes it's an independent school. I am feeling really upset about it. the school will be excellent for my dd and is a great opportunity for her. He never expresses any interest at all in their education and in situations like this all he does is obstruct.

Go and see the school. Take the form signed by you and tell them about this idiot. I doubt you will be the first mother who has this happen, and sadly won't be the last. If you are the resident parent, then his involvement with the school will probably be negligible. If he doesn't sign, then he loses any right he did have to be informed or consulted in anything to do with the school. Get a solicitor's letter sent to him that conveys the same (if it holds water in law)

He's holding your dc to ransom, just to make you suffer. There must be something in child law that covers this?

If they really require his signature take the form back from them and then forge it.

Seriously do not do this! You could end up in serious trouble. RAID is a criminal offence.

Fraud not RAID!?

No I won't forge it. Thanks for advice. I hope there is a way around this - he makes me mad. He won't ever sign any form unless he's got a solicitor to look at it. I think his behaviour is despicable because we don't have the time for this.

At the bottom of the forms it says they have to be signed by both parents with parental responsibility. Is there a reason for this that anyone can think of? The other schools don't require this afaik.

Well the school won't know if he has parental responsibility will they?

I would just sign it myself and say nothing. I doubt they will raise it.

Have you actually tried discussing schools with him? You say he shows no interest but if my ex just tried getting me to sign a form regarding our kids' education and hadn't involved me as an equal partner in the discussions I wouldn't sign and the same applies to my ex. We both discussed their schools and had an equal say.
My husband's ex unfortunately tried to take all decisions alone and exclude him as much as possible with that only stopping when they reached university and he could deal directly with his kids who he's now much closer to as he's "allowed" to be. Obviously they make the decisions about their lives now but he isn't excluded any more.
If he refuses to engage at all then I'd phone or visit the school to discuss it. has he been involved with the problems with the excluded child?
It does sound as though you should have been getting input from him when the problems started.

Rebecca - where in my post did I say my child was excluded? Her school closed that's why I have to find a new one!!

Anyway this is an utter nightmare. He is being really awkward and has suggested he won't sign because he doesn't want to be liable for the fees. The school have basically said if he doesn't sign the forms she can't go to the school because of another parent who took legal action against the school in the past. I am sat here in floods of tears because this school has a lot to offer her and he is ruining her future.

Oh and I asked him last week if we could meet up to discuss the school choices and he ignored me.

The school in question has also offered her an award because of how well she did in their entrance exam.

Can you contact a solicitor? Maybe use this instance to get something drawn up legally, I dont know what could be drawn up.

It is clear he is using this to either control the situation or to annoy you.

Has your daughter sent him an email and text asking why he hadn't signed? Not ideal but it may help you legally as he doesn't appear to be taking her into consideration.

At my ds independent I was the only one to sign anything and the school were fine with that even though it said if both parents have PR. Like you the school then closed and he went to another one within same chain of Independent, I still had to register d at this school and again I only signed and this was no problem. School again closed and same with new school new borough I only signed.
He is probably being awkward to distress you. Sign yourself and if at a later date he would like to do the same then that is up to him.

My ex is a pita but I refuse for myself and ds to be controlled by him anymore. When your child's education is at stake it's best to disengage in his silly mind games. It's clear that it's not a priority to put this first for him!

It's all very well to say disengage but the school have been very clear that if he refuses to sign, she cannot go to the school. The finance officer has said that they can draw up a contract which absolves him of the school fees. But he's like this about all forms. I hope he will sign when we get the new form. In the meantime I'm going to have to pay an acceptance fees for another school which doesn't make the same request just in case this situation falls through.

I think you need to take legal action. to protect school fees payment by him and to force him to behave. is that an option.