My do wants space and doesn't know what he wants

[Blinkyb]

We have only been together a yer and a half and he said he feels trapped. He then told me all the things that were bothering him and how crap a person I was :( I cried and then he left to go to his mums. Is this his way of trying to break up with me. It's very hurtful and I can't stop crying. He was my world an now he just decides that he isn't sure about us. I'm am gutted and all alone while he gets to go and have support. Has anyone else had experience of this.

Usually when someone turns 180 degrees on you like this it's either because they've met someone else or they want out but they're too cowardly to say so.... or.... they don't think you're trying hard enough to be a good girlfriend and they want to give you a fright so that you come to heel. They do the 'not sure' thing, pull your character apart and make you feel like shit. It's miserable behaviour either way.

I know you're hurting and I'm so sorry you're upset but, for the sake of your self-respect, tell the nasty little scrotum to fuck off. Do you have any friends or family you can call on the phone or go visit?

My mum is coming to stay with me as I'm just distraught. He acknowledged that it wasn't fair on me but it's killing me. I'd rather just know does he want I or out then I can move forward. The way he was talking it's over but then when I said ok I will start making arrangements for work childcare etc and he said don't put anything in stone and mentioned something about him still living here. My world is upside down and I'm so hurt. He is not the children's dad thank god

Yes to what Cogito said.
You don't want this uncertainty in your life.
I would take his criticism with a pinch of salt. Nice people don't tell you what is wrong with you, even if there is. He sounds like a twat and I wouldn't pay attention to what he said.

Were you living together?

Is this his way of trying to break up with me

Er, yeah - and he's too much of a cowardly shit to do it by actually saying so. So instead he's trying to break you - which keeps his options open if he wants to return in the future, he can graciously give you a second chance.

Never build your world around one person - you are your own person, you can be strong enough to recover from this. And find someone who respects you enough to have an honest relationship with you. This guy isn't worth your tears.

Now, you need to do some wallowing today (pref with some good chick flicks - Thelma and Louise should do it) then you pick yourself up and bin this arsehole.

He told you what a crap person you are but you are allowing him to decide if he wants in or out!

Don't you think you deserve better than someone who thinks you are crap.

Tell him to do one, take away his power and choice over you.

Yeah we were living together. I get the house though it's in my name. He can go back to his mums. I can't understand why he just said sorry it's over. He said one minute he wants to work things out and then he doesn't know.

So, he wants to end things because of what a 'crap person' you are, but he still wants you to keep the door open for him???!!! Bollocks to that!

It's pretty typical, though, even if he is sincerely unsure (which I doubt). When you mention childcare, does that mean he wasn't working? Then of course he wants to keep you on the string. He just wants to know he has a 'back up plan' in case he can't find another vulnerable female to take him in.

A man worth crying over would have been honest about his own faults rather than blaming everything on yours. A man worth having would have told you to build a new life without him and not hang around waiting for him to 'make up his mind'.

Give yourself a little time to cry and grieve. You had hopes of this relationship & now you have to give them up. But remember also, that you will heal and that when you have, you will meet the man that actually deserves your love.

"I'd rather just know does he want I or out then I can move forward. "

So you're just meekly waiting for him to give you the thumbs up or down? Come on OP..... there are a few times in life when you can and should say to someone that you neither know nor care what the hell is going on in their crappy little minds... you're out.

I can tell you that if you make the decision you will feel a hell of a lot better than if you wait for him to make the decision.

Send him a text: "Sorry about crying just then, I thought I was upset, but I've had time to think about it and I realise I'm not. Your things are in bags in the garden. It looks like it's going to rain tonight so you might want to pick them up."

Ah, it's time to link the song again.

Take control and tell him to fuck off, your self respect will thank you for it.

There will be another woman, or he fancies the prospect of it.

Don't demean yourself by clinging on to crumbs, his respect for you will diminish exponentially for every day you do so.

Yeah I have just let him know that my parents are coming to stay. All of a sudden he is texting. I don't want to be the

The one that says we are done. It's not like our relationship is that bad but I think he has his own issues I guess

Get rid. he's either seeing another woman or has taken a fancy to one, but wants to make sure you're still there as his Plan B. YOu can do better than him.

Lovely, he said you are a 'crap person'. I'd say the relationship is 'that bad' since he has no respect for you.

He already has one foot out of this relationship so he had already ended it.

What further things he says now are just to make himself look better

Move on

Yeah maybe be he has met someone else. Well Ill have to pick myself up and start over which I told him I was doing. He didn't want me to start making plans without him incase he still lives here. I hope he is happy at his mums and good luck to him. Still hurts though

Yes, it still hurts

But not as much as turning into a doormat to hang on to a bloke that has already checked out

Good for you, girl! Make your plans! The first should be to erase any signs of his having been there. Put on Beyonce's 'Irreplaceable' and start packing his shit up. Then blast Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive' as you open the door and boot the bags outside. Supposed to rain? So much the better.

Why would he tell me he wanted to work things out. I don't get it. I think he is making a mistake but I won't take him back if he tells me he is gone for good.

"He didn't want me to start making plans without him incase he still lives here"

I know it still hurts but it hurts much more allowing someone to insult you by making you their fall-back. Stay strong and one day you'll be glad you did.

My guess is he wants you to change and beg him.
It's about power.

He's said he wants to work things out because he doesn't want your parents knowing what a dick he is.

"Why would he tell me he wanted to work things out."

It's called 'protecting your arse'.... He has plans of his own but he needs to keep you warm in case it doesn't work out for him. You're the girl that is only OK until something better comes along. Unless you're happy being a 'placeholder' you tell him that gone means gone.

Ok. Time to move on. :(