*His* money...

[TakesTwo]

What would your reaction be if your DH told you that:

You should be grateful for all you have as you have it thanks to his job.

The money are his money.

His hineritance is his alone, to do what he wants with it.

He does not have to consult with you how it is spent.

You should be grateful that he gives You half of his salary (of which all goes to family stuff being the one with the kids 24/7 btw).

You were out of order to take money from him to pay for the school lunches.

You should be grateful as no other man divides his salary with his wife.

Over to you.

LTB

And takes 60% of the marital assets.

I'd poison his tea tell him he was being a complete dinosaur and hand him the bill for everything I do for him.

If that didn't induce a change, then I'd be looking for a way out.

Yep LTB. I've just become a SAHM and I told him the minute I heard him make any of the points above I'd be gone. He was shocked to hear that some husbands can be like this

Who is he hanging out with?

If this is all new, that kind of attitude will be coming from a disgruntled MIL, a group of new dinosaur male friends or an OW.

i'd tell him to go fuck himself, either we both have the same disposable income or he can go fuckhimself right to the far end of fuck - near where his solicitor might reside bye bye bastard

Money in advance for any sex cleaning washing cooking etc etc
Better still swift kick to the hollow the a bit fat LTB

Well I'll give him one point, my DH doesn't 'divide' his salary with me.

I'm a SAHM so DH's income is all we get. It goes into a joint account that we both have access to. Any big purchases are discussed and agreed between us. There is no 'his' and 'my' money, it's all ours jointly.

Your DH sounds like a selfish dickhead.

My marriage is a partnership where we both see each other as equal partners, rather than accepting the valuation that society places on us through wages.

By accepting valuation of of a person by wages, does that mean that a nurse is less valuable than an accountant?

So we are one unit. It is our job to make the other happy.

I couldn't be with anyone who doesn't value me as equal and doesn't make it their life's work to please the people the love.

He's talking rubbish. Are the children his? Not that that makes it ok if they aren't, but it is particularly shocking if they are. And I have always had total access to my husband's salary when I haven't been earning myself.

DH is a SAHD. I work FT. I can only do this because he is at home. Therefore as far as I am concerned everything I earn is 'ours'. Not mine, and not divided in half, just ours to share as necessary.

We always had a joint account and both have access, whether I was working FT, PT or as a SAHM. All money is ours.
Anything else would be impossible for me.

Inheritance is something else though. Not that we have had any or will ever have one, but if a person would leave dh money, I would indeed consider it his alone. Unless we were struggling to pay the mortgage or put food on the table I would be absolutely fine with him spending it on whatever he wanted.

I agree with StarSwirl92 & Mumoftwoyoungkids, and the 15% to 20% of his salary in child maintenance.

I'm sahm and dh earns but it is out money. The only if money getting short near then the end of the month may he say about it.

So, he gives you half of his income to run the family finances and he gets the other half to do with as he wishes? And then he objects to you taking any of "his" to pay for school lunches.

There aren't enough expletives to adequately describe his attitude.

Has he ever heard of the concept of a couple being an equal partnership, sharing what they have and making joint decisions?

In law, that inheritance is family money, and it should be in his mind as well. What does he think he should be doing with it other than using it as a shared resource to spend or to save, whatever you both agree on?

Sounds like he thinks he's got you in some form of bonded slavery.

I think you should be thinking very seriously about what the future holds for you and your children. His attitude is not normal or reasonable by any stretch of the imagination.

I have two children, my soon to be husband has none. All money goes into one pot and we pay bills out of it etc and split evenly between us the remainder to do with what we please.

Oh and he pays my kids school dinners!

We are a team and all money is ours, despite him earning approximately £700 a month more than me.

Your husband needs a reality check

Is be telling him that a solicitor might see things very differently.
You'd probably be better off with him gone.
All money goes into 1 account. Bills come out of it. Then anything left is split 50/50.
No compromise. That's how it's done when you are SAHM.
Tell him.
Or does he abuse you in others ways as well.
A quick chat with Women's Aid may help you see things more clearly.
But I bet this is the tip of the iceberg.

Do you want rid? Collect your evidence and take him for every penny. He sounds like my ex. Word for flippin' word.

Takestwo,

And what was your response to his diatribe?.

He needs more than a reality check (which he would never get anyway), he needs divorcing from.

Sounds like he has been reading the Financial Abusers Handbook. This is all about power and control and he wants absolute over you. Such behaviour is abusive; I would think he is also being abusive in other areas of your relationship as well.

Well, I'd LTB. I'm the man wage earner in my household & your h is a twat of the highest order.
So sorry your going through this

*main, I'm not a man.

If you don't want to LTB right now, present him with a bill for cleaning and child minding, then leave him to care for the children, including meals, half the time he's at home.

I couldn't live with someone who treated me like that, though. .

My response is the following:

first utter shock (did I really hear it?), then disbelief (how can he say that?) then anger (how dare he?) then sadness (for the man he could have been, for the marriage we could have had, for the dc) then disgust (what kind of person is he?) and finally total disengagement.

Of course I know it is all wrong. I knew it from the first time we had this discussion and I wanted to get off the car on the M25. Not sure why I stayed. Not interested in looking at this now. Only want out.

I am asking your opinion for moral support and for strength as I am sorry for the dc.

To add " this morning he told me he has paid for two weeks of my paper, and I should be bloody grateful". Honestly.

Oh and although I do not think of his hineritance as my money I do believe it is family money. Having said that I would totally agree with him buying something for himself he really wanted. Not for him to have total control. How would you like it if your dh to came home with a new car and you were in overdraft watching the penny?

I am past any discussion. I have done it all.