internet porn and partner

[Santaclaws]

I really need some help and support. I am currently abroad on holiday with my boyfriend who I met on a dating site 6 months ago. We have got on really well and he treats me very well. Then last night i was searching his phone for music to play with him beside me and up popped a site he subscribed to well one girls site off the babe channel. She's half our age it makes me feel sick. I actually can tolerate a bit of on line porn but to subscribe to this makes me suspicious he's been up to more

Everything then came out. The fact that when we first met i saw an escorts site pop up in his search box on the phone. He tells me that a guy at work went there and they all looked it up to see what it was like. He had told me previously that this guy he worked with had all these stories about women he'd been with so that could be true.

Finally I asked him about the app I'd seen on his phone when we met which said naughty places i think. It's not there now but he said he'd looked at some no strings sites when he was single.

Help help he seemed so lovely and he's upset about what's going
wrong now

Random bloke, are you the 'bloke' in question?

I really disagree that 99% of blokes use porn. I only know of one person in RL who does - and women talk about these things so it's not just a case of 'why would they tell you'. Most of the men I know aren't sexist though...

I'm so glad that RandomBloke posted. Until I read that, I didn't realise that so long as a man makes me feel safe and snuggly, I shouldn't have a problem with any of his choices or opinions.

So far I've pnly seen him treat every female we've come into contact with family members friends or strangers with respect. That much o have definite evidence of

Santa "So far I've only seen him treat every female we've come into contact with family members friends or strangers with respect."

So, whatwomen does he buy sex services from?

Gini, I can see where you are coming from but no, it's not me .

LVWF, I said that 99% have used porn, not that 99% do use porn. Quite important in the context of the thread.

Vivacia, I was just pointing out that he doesn't seem to be all bad but I think you know that and I'm glad that you appreciated my post

Randombloke, Just unusual that you've addressed all the other women and their issues with this bloke. You haven't actually addressed the OP at all just to point out why everyone else is wrong about him, even though it's just a point of view and you have no reason to stand up for a stranger.

TBH Gini I thought the OP was being pretty balanced between being upset by what she had learned but also considering how much she liked the guy otherwise.

Either way, I thought my view on the topic was pretty clear from my view on some of the posts I commented about.

I'm not sure if you are still suggesting that I have a RW bias here but I can assure you it is not the case, everyone is commenting about a stranger aside from the OP and that includes me.

He actually doesn't treat women with respect though does he OP? He thinks that women are a purchase. By all means ignore advice and stay with him, we will still all be here from you when his future behaviour disgusts you.

It's not as if men have ever, ever divided women into nice girls (treated with respect) and nasty girls (erm, not...) though, have they?

Eventually either the behaviour 'leaks' over to the 'nice' girls or the nice girls wake up and see that a man who is happy to view women as commodities for his sexual pleasure isn't really that respectful in the first place...

Hope you sort things out OP and you feel happy with your decision

Most porn involves men too in some capacity, I guess this means he has no respect for men either.

I don't think its the porn that is the problem Mugg1ns, I think its the prostitutes.

Urgh, this guy is just fucking creepy. Paying to watch women half his age get naked? Vomit.

It sounds like he has a huge Madonna/Whore complex going on which is an incredibly unhealthy attitude to have towards women. So he treats family members with respect but will jerk off to a young girl he's paid to strip for him? Women are not commodities.

It honestly reads like you have well and truly stuck your head in the sand I'm afraid.

There were sensible opinions until about half way through the first page then all of a sudden he is sick for watching porn, and because he looked at a website that his colleagues were talking about he's sick and been sleeping with prostitutes.

With regards to the fact the pornstar is half his age this makes it even worse, how? If an OAP wanted to watch porn would he be expected to look at some containing only women around his own age?

OP Men do look at things when other men talk about them, out of pure curiousity, men do watch porn and I don't know a single one that doesn't, including a wide variety of people, of different ages and backgrounds and careers. You've had no reason to doubt him other than he's looked at porn and browsed an escort site, he treats you well and with the utmost respect, listen to the rational opinions on here that suggest just talking to him.

I genuinely feel sorry for some of the other posters husbands and partners on here.

I hope u are ok op. Did you speak to him more about the escort site? I think that is most concerning. If he did use it before you were together you need to decide if that's a deal breaker for you. But as you said earlier in the thread, people have certain phases and times in their lives and I guess it's whether you feel you can see passed that into the future. Only you can tell that op. Good luck

Opinionated7, my DP doesn't use porn. We have a healthy and respectful sex life. He finds it does nothing for him, plus he respects my view on it.

Not ALL men look at porn, like not ALL women are against it.

If my partner was upset by my behaviour I would look to amend it because I love him and want to make him happy.

If the OP feels upset it's valid.