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Original poster

Only one partner - ever

65 replies

disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:28

Hi All,
I was wondering of anyone is in the same position. I married my first love, fantastic guy, two great children, our sex is i guess 'nice'/'ok' etc but having never been with anyone else i keep on wondering what it would feel like/be like with someone else.

OP posts:
MrsWolowitz · 23/06/2014 09:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2014 09:35

How old were you when you met and/or married?

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:36

Quite shy about things i guess and not really sure how i would bring things up. Trouble is you listen to your friends talking and you cant help but feel you are missing out?!

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Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:37

i was 20 and got married at 25

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Meow75 · 23/06/2014 09:39

Same here. Started dating DH when I was 18 1/2, am now 4 months away from 39.

We've never split up, rarely fight, have a sex life that we're both happy with. My personal life is spot on

It's my professional life that is causing me grief, given that I've been unemployed since the beginning of the year.

I guess something's gotta give, to remind us that a perfect life is not possible or realistic.

punygod · 23/06/2014 09:40

I used to feel a bit robbed when I was with ex-h. He was the only one I'd slept with, and I often wondered about someone new.

Now with dp, and even though he's only number 2, I hope I never have to shag anyone else ever again. He's brilliant in every way.

So for me, it turns out to have been nothing to do with numbers. It was the quality of the relationship.

Not saying that's the case for you, though.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2014 09:40

Are you his only sexual partner as well?

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:41

so have you never wondered what it would be like with someone else?

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Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:42

does it feel alot different with number 2 i guess is the question - the sex that is rather than the relationship itself necessarily?

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Xcountry · 23/06/2014 09:44

I don't know personally because I was DHs first but he wasn't mine (we got together really young). We split up briefly when he was 21 and didn't get back together till he was 22 and he slept with a few other girls during that time apart. He says he doesn't regret it as such but it wasn't worth it. The grass wasn't greener and he would have rather been with me (aww how sweet).

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:47

maybe we just arent very good at it
:(

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Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:49

No he had other partners before me

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2014 09:50

If neither of you have had other sexual partners chances are that you've got into a bit of a rut and lack inspiration because you are inexperienced. What's rather worrying is that you don't seem to feel able to bring up the subject.... that suggests your relationship has rather stagnated at the point it began rather than reflecting the mature people you are now.

How would you feel about sexual counselling and what do you think his response would be if you suggested it?

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:53

i feel a bit cruel really talking about it and i guess if we went to counselling i would maybe have to say a couple of things that would hurt his feelings if i was being completely honest about the sex

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2014 09:56

So you'd rather spend the rest of your life having shit sex, getting resentful or fantasising about other men than risk hurting your DH's feelings? Hmm It's not cruel to suggest ways to improve your sex-life, it should be something that benefits both of you.

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:00

I understand that but not sure how you put 'you cum much too quick' and 'your thing is apparently very small compared to other men so maybe that is why i dont feel that much during sex' in a way that doesnt sort of destroy a man

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AntoinetteCosway · 23/06/2014 10:05

I've only ever slept with DH (though didn't wait for marriage). He had slept with other women before me. Our sex life is good though it fluctuates in terms of amount depending on what else is going on in our lives, which I think is pretty normal.

I think the problem isn't that you've had one sexual partner, it's that you're not happy with how things are at the moment. Have you talked about it?

AntoinetteCosway · 23/06/2014 10:06

If he ejaculates too quickly for you but you've never said anything then he doesn't know it's a problem. Do you orgasm? If not, do you fake it? You've got to be honest with him if it's going to improve.

punygod · 23/06/2014 10:07

Yes, it is different with number 2 - definitely less routine - but that's down to appetite, attraction - but most of all communication.

You can't say things like "you cum too quickly" without destroying him, no - but you might be able to say "let's take our time before you get inside me - I like it when you do x, y, z." That way you get to enjoy yourself and he gets a bit of an ego boost.

The small willy thing is a bit of a no-no, but if you've only had sex with him, how do you know it's small?

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:08

We have had little chats - could he 'take his time' - does he want to try new things etc...trouble is anything that is in the slightest me being more risky and it is all over even quicker than usual

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2014 10:08

OK you believe he has a small penis, he ejaculates prematurely and you are not getting much pleasure from the whole experience. Yes?

The way to phrase it sensitively is to focus on non-penetrative sex ideas to help you achieve orgasm and delay his. Foreplay for example can go on for a long time, be highly pleasurable and delay ejaculation at the same time. Toys and oral can replace penises quite successfully.

Always remember that a considerate lover would want to give you pleasure rather than see sex as purely a means to achieve his own orgasm.

punygod · 23/06/2014 10:08

What's the rest of your relationship like?

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:11

i guess your first line pretty much somes it up yes!
You are right - i will talk more foreplay tonight and see what response i get. I trip to ann summers may have to take place i guess

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MollySolverson · 23/06/2014 10:11

Do you do anything other than penetrative sex? (Not asking you to answer me, but think about it yourself!) Even if his penis is very small then there are lots of other ways for the woman to achieve orgasm. Can you tell him how you feel about other subjects? Honestly and communication are key to a good relationship, IMO, the other stuff comes after that. Of course you won't have good sex if you don't feel you can trust or be open with one another.

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:12

yes it is good - i just get frustrated (sexually) - makes me a bit cross

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