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Original poster

Only one partner - ever

65 replies

disimpson · 23/06/2014 09:28

Hi All,
I was wondering of anyone is in the same position. I married my first love, fantastic guy, two great children, our sex is i guess 'nice'/'ok' etc but having never been with anyone else i keep on wondering what it would feel like/be like with someone else.

OP posts:
MollySolverson · 23/06/2014 10:13

You deserve a fulfilling sex life. Him coming doesn't have to mean you both just toll over and go to sleep, you know that, right? If he comes first, well then he does some other stuff until you come.

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:14

i guess it is just how i sort of say i need some more please when he has cum

OP posts:
punygod · 23/06/2014 10:14

Never underestimate the importance of a good sex life.

You can achieve it, but you have to talk about it.

Ann Summers is a great idea, or get on Lovehoney.

One word - Lelo Wink

punygod · 23/06/2014 10:17

How do you say it?

" My turn now."

"Was that good? Good. Now I want you to..."

"I love you. Now, put your.....in my....." (You fill in the blanks, you know what you like.)

If he's not receptive,

"OI! I am not a wank sock!"

punygod · 23/06/2014 10:18

Actually, "I need some more" is fine.

Quite sexy and flattering, actually.

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:18

guess a lot of the trouble is i dont actually know what i want as i havent done any of it - all i know is i fantasize about having bigger and lasting longer!

OP posts:
leafhopper · 23/06/2014 10:19

"You cum much too quick" is a perfectly reasonable topic to bring up with any partner. Chances are it is bothering him too. Rephrase this as , i think sex would be better for both of us if we could extend the time period before you ejaculate, lets work this out together.

"'your thing is apparently very small compared to other men so maybe that is why i dont feel that much during sex" is more problematic. I think you are coming at it from a wrong angle, literally and metaphorically. Try different positions, realise that many women don't orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Unless he has a micro penis, and you aren't some elephantine freak, his penis is big enough. But klegels everyday.

But what seems to be a worry is that the pair of you struggle talking about sex. It has become something he does to you. Own your sexuality, you have as much responsibility for making sex good for you as he does.

punygod · 23/06/2014 10:19

In that case, a vibe is your friend.

Get a good one, none of that rabbit nonsense.

Then he can use it on you, or you can use it while he watches. Very sexy.

or you can use it while he's out

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:22

what is a good one?

OP posts:
punygod · 23/06/2014 10:24

Have a look at Lelo.

Rechargeable.

I love mine. We don't use it every time, but it enhances our sex life no end because I take a glacial age to come

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:25

What would be a good position to try re the size thing

OP posts:
punygod · 23/06/2014 10:32

It's not something I've ever had any experience of, but have a look at CAT technique, which is more to do with pelvic/clitoral alignment than penis size.

Google coital alignment technique - or it might be clitoral alignment - anyhow, it's a good 'un.

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 10:32

Yes we do try other things not just penetrative - and that is better than the sex itself - i guess i would like the sex to be good as well

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/06/2014 10:36

It's all sex... Sex is more than a penis in a vagina. Maybe change your thinking there a little?

punygod · 23/06/2014 10:36

I'm going to get flamed here, but if you really are unhappy with this aspect of your relationship, there are options.

  1. Communicate.
  2. Sex therapy.
  3. An open relationship.
  4. Leave.

There are no guarantees that 3 or 4 will lead you to anything better though.

punygod · 23/06/2014 10:37

YY to what Cog said.

The penetrative bit is the final furlong, really.

MaryPoppinsBag · 23/06/2014 10:38

I've only had one partner. Met him when I was 16 now 35.
We have great sex. But I am a bit filthy apparently! Wink
Like other posters I strongly recommend a vibrator and lots of foreplay. Get him doing things other than penetration whilst you use it.
Does he like giving oral?
Since having two DC penetrative sex is not what it used to be so I've had to find other ways.

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 12:17

Thank you - maybe i just need to take the matter in hand so to speak. Sounds like a vibrator is a good starting point. If i ask him he will give oral but he wouldnt without me asking first - it certainly doesnt take me very long to cum like that!
Mary Poppins - does a bit filthy just involve getting a bit carried away or do you have a secret receipe?

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 23/06/2014 12:42

I would also suggest getting hold of some erotic fiction to read (first by yourself, then maybe later with him.) Fiction is a very unthreatening way to find out more about the sort of stuff you might like to try and to discuss it with a partner.

There is a lot of erotic fiction about, and while the 50 Shades books are, themselves, bloody awful and not recommended, they have at least made the idea of reading erotic fiction more acceptable.

I would suggest, as I usually do, that you bag a couple of anthologies of the type aimed mostly at women, to begin with.

This is currently free to download, and it is pretty much by and for women and mostly gentle/romantic/sensual rather than hardcore whip'n'chain stuff.

Or this which is similar and has some of the same authors.

Good luck.

ROUNDandROUNDINCIRCILESMORETHA · 23/06/2014 14:12

Same here one partner dh. Always wondered what its like to sleep with someone else. He knows and is aware of this. I also wonder women who have slept with others does it make you feel more confident and attractive because i see that particularly women older than me always are so aware &confident about themselves is this
Just life experience or because of their sexual experience. Hope that makes sense!!!

MaryPoppinsBag · 23/06/2014 14:14

OP- I ask for what I want. DH finds that a turn on and likes doing what I'm asking for. I am quite liberated though with what I'll do in the bedroom.

Do you know what you want though? What turns you on? Is your DP quite shy? Could you talk to him about what turns him on too? And tell him what you would like? Sharing fantasies is good.

kentishgirl · 23/06/2014 14:22

'your thing is apparently very small compared to other men so maybe that is why i dont feel that much during sex'. You can't say this. Come on, dish, how small is small? Very very small penises don't provide a lot of stimulation but very very small is very very rare. And I'm sure there are ways round it. Girth tends to make more of a difference than length. If you aren't feeling much - do you feel more with penetration with fingers, say? Or do you generally not feel much inside? If you are expecting to come from penetration, this may well not happen regardless of size; most women don't. But it should still feel good.

If he comes too quickly, what is he doing about it? Wearing a condom reduces the sensation for him and can slow things down. There are methods and techniques that can help a man learn to control his orgasm. He could ask his GP about it, they can refer for sexual issues. This link is good. If he's lasting less than a minute then NHS sees it as a medical issue. www.nhs.uk/conditions/ejaculation-problems/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Do you ever fake more pleasure than you really feel? Stop. This is giving him misleading directions.

Does he recognise that you also have sexual needs and want pleasure/orgasms? Why won't he go down unless you ask, if that makes you orgasm? Most men are chuffed to bits when they help you come and are dying to do it again next time. IF you want to continue after he's come then go ahead. Or if you want to have an orgasm before intercourse, go ahead. Just start helping yourself!

GrouchyKiwi · 23/06/2014 15:27

DH and I have only slept with each other and the sex is good. There have been times when he's been far too quick and only thought about himself, and I found that asking him to spend more time on foreplay for me before penetration worked really well. It turns him on too so it's been mutually beneficial.

I'm also shy about talking about these things, but over time I realised that it would be beneficial for our relationship. Opening up about sensitive issues also made us trust each other more.

holeinmyheart · 23/06/2014 16:24

Mmmm your problem only comes with not having slept around. (I am not recommending sleeping around by the way) As Cog says you need to talk to your DH, but i know that it is not an easy conversation to have especially if your partner is disappointing you. I had the opposite problem initially, as I had slept around. I knew what good sex could be and was vastly more experienced than my DH. However ,there is sex and then there is making love. To make love to someone you love is the BEST. To have sex with a skilled lover is good but does not produce the same depth of satisfaction at all. I wish now that I had only slept with my DH as we could have learnt about sex together. To answer your question about sex with different men, Making love to each one was the same but different, rather like each labour is different. I had one who was an absolutely toe curlingly wonderful lover, but I could not love him. So brilliant love making does not inevitably lead to falling in love. If your DH really has a small penis then that is unfortunate especially as having lots of children can make your vagina like the Mersey tunnel. However if you love him it is not unsurmountable, as I did love a bloke once with a very small penis. We used toys, as I just could not have carried on with him, being continually sexually frustrated.

Original poster
disimpson · 23/06/2014 17:28

I'm not the only one that has wondered then. I feel quite body confident but not confident about what to do/enjoy/try sexually. I feel more with his fingers so i know he would be smaller than a couple of those girth wise - not sure about how long..erm about as long as my phone :) A Samsung Galaxy 4S. Books could be a good idea - inspiration maybe - worried a toy may make him feel a little inferior so to speak?

OP posts: