DP won't stop spending money and we're in debt

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Don't really know where to start with this. Fell pregnant accidentally last year after being with DP 6 months, arranged to move in together and merge finances. Discovered he was £1400 in his overdraft and had £6000 of credit card debt. We worked really hard together to pay off his overdraft. I have no debt but was desperate to clear it in time for the arrival of our DS. Sold lots of things, had help from family members etc and miraculously managed to clear the overdraft, one of the credit cards completely and £2000 off the other credit card.
He keeps dipping in and out of the overdraft in his personal account but he told me he had it under control. Looked today and he's £1200 in his overdraft again. Through the week when he's working I know he buys lunches out despite me buying things in for the week, asking if he wants sandwiches etc. Instead he's buying fast food and Sainsbury's sandwiches, Starbucks, etc.
Before DS was born he bought an expensive DSLR camera on an Argos credit account (but now pay in 6 months) and promised me he was putting away so much each week to clear it all when the balance was due. The balance is now due and guess what, nothing saved to clear the balance. Last week he bought a small digital camera as 'the DSLR is too big to take on holidays and days out' and I found out he put it on a credit card.
We have 2 savings accounts but one is a mortgage fund (currently renting and will be for the foreseeable future) and one is an emergency fund for if the car breaks down/the washing machine breaks etc.
He proposed to me last summer and I found out today that my ring was put on a credit account with Very and that the payment will be due in August. His laptop broke last September (he's trying to start up his own business - another thing he keeps shovelling money into which we never see a return on) and instead of taking a small amount out of our savings and buying a new one, he decided he needed a top of the range one which was also put on the Very account (I didn't know about it at the time, he told me he'd put it on his credit card and would clear it on payday) so that's £600 needed in September.
We have a 5 month old and DP is up to his eyeballs in debt. He only makes the minimum payments on things so they never seem to clear. I just don't know what to do. I'm sat upstairs so angry. I don't see why I should deal with his debt but at the same time I don't want to leave him. :(

You'll never get a mortgage if you're financially linked with this man. His credit rating can't be truly awful if he's still able to get credit, but any loans and credit card debts will affect the amount of mortgage you're able to obtain. it takes six years for items to be removed from your credit history, even if it's all paid (so DMP will be there for all to see if he has to get one), and that's if he starts dealing with the situation today. You currently have no means to save up a deposit. You're actually going in the opposite direction.

Becca he may be able to get credit through sources that charge outrageous APR. XH used to do you

Sorry phone playing up. XH used to do that which compounded the problem.

Yes, he's totally irresponsible. He wants things now, so buys on credit rather than saving or going without. He's also buying things that you don't need. Eating out and fancy cameras are luxuries, so he really needs to address why his materialism is so great that it overrides his common sense and obligations to his family. He doesn't seem aware of how his spending is impacting upon you. I wouldn't shy away from saying it is getting you to the point of considering ending it with him.

You need to have a serious talk about his attitudes to money, and his view that he can spend as if he earns more than he does, otherwise you will always be playing keep-up: using every month's wages to pay off the debts from the past month.

Totally agree with mintycool: separate your finances immediately so that he doesn't continue to eat into your money once his own runs out. Make it clear that you won't be paying off any future debt for him, or he'll rely on that. It's not nice that you helped him out once and he's in the same mess again. I'd also echo what someone else said about sitting down with him and doing a budget calculator so that he is unavoidably confronted with his finances and debts, and agree on a personal spending limit for him each month. I wouldn't rule out looking after his money for him, if he'll let you. Get him to contact the bank and have the overdraft reduced every time he clears some of the balance. He's seeing it as an additional monthly income of 'free money' to buy luxuries, rather than an emergency cushion. At this rate, he'll always be in it and will never pay it off.

Finally, as a way of clearing the debt, I would consider selling any valuables he has on Ebay. Sitting at home with a DSLR camera and another smaller one, when he's £1200 in debt is madness. Make him responsible for finding ways to clear his debt- at the moment, you seem to be the only one taking it seriously.

I have told him the cameras need to go. We have iPhones with decent cameras so absolutely no need for them. The big camera has been used a handful of times since DS was born 5 months ago. I understand there is a lot more to this than the cameras though.

You say you are engaged? Do not marry this man - at the moment your finances sound like they are somewhat protected if you walk away. Not the case if you are married, do not saddle yourself with his debts.

Now that you have a joint bank account with him you are financially linked. Get that account closed asap and open up a new one in your sole name to pay rent, CTax and all other necessaries.

Helping him to pay off his debts was not a sensible thing to do in hindsight. That which is easily fixed by someone else with no pain to him has no value and has taught him absolutelt nothing. Zero. Nada. Nichts. Zilch.

DO NOT bail him out ever again. This idiot cannot be relied on, so you need to protect yourself from the inevitable. When the shit truly hits the fan you need to be stood well away. And it will hit the fan, that is to be guaranteed.

My father was like this: my mother sorted problem after problem after problem, working full-time with an evening cleaning-job to bail his arse out of the shit and it didn't end well.

Do not be that woman!

There's more to this than cameras or money. You say you fell pregnant after you'd been seeing him six months and DS is five months. Means you've known this man just over a year and a half. Realise that, once you have a baby with someone, there feels like an obligation to keep the family together but if there was no DS, you'd never have given him so much money and you'd probably have gone your separate ways from Billy Bullshit thinking he was an arse.

You mentioned originally that you'd had help from family members to pay his debts. Do they know he's still spending it like water? What do they think of his behaviour?

Well, dramatic update in the last 15 minutes. I asked him to change the baby's nappy and he refused, as 'he changed one this morning'. I lost it and told him to leave, and he's gone. I can't be doing with it, you're all right. He is going to drag me down with him.

Darling, if you have any savings they need to be shifted into an account in your sole name. If you do decide to bail out then that will be your bailing-money. It needs to be kept totally out of his reach and hopefully out of his gaze or he'll be earmarking it to pay off his debts, or more likely, to finance more irresponsible spending.

He's not competent to run his own business while he has this spend-thrift mentality, so don't encourage him in that until he's solvent.

A £7500 bail-out doesn't buy you as many nappy changes as it used to.... Sounds as though you'd been in end of tether territory for a while but it's still unpleasant when things come to an end. Hope you're OK

Don't worry, he'll be back when the pubs close. The first thing you need to do tomorrow is sort out that joint-bank account before he rinses it

Have moved savings into my personal savings account. Will go and stay with my parents for a few days
Thank you everyone

Don't let him back. He's taking advantage of your good nature and financial sense. My ex was like this and after he'd left I discovered he owed about £14k across four credit cards. I had to get myself financially disassociated from him via Experian and Equifax because if you have, or have ever had, joint financial products with someone (such as your joint bank account) their credit rating is linked to yours and their debt will affect you. You have to do this officially - closing the account won't be enough. I'd also check the joint account in case he clears it.

Contact the CSA first thing, plus tax credits and council tax (25% single persons discount) etc.

However, I bet he'll be back with his tail between his legs before the day is out because you're his cash cow and he needs to keep you on side. Don't give in. Good luck.

OP, you shouldn't move out - he should. Stay in your lovely house with DS. Oh, and what's the betting he'll want the ring back .

Sorry :( but it may at least bring things into focus.

How much does he earn? I would not worry if my DH was buying those things because he can afford them. If your DH can afford these things he should not be using credit, if he cant then he shouldn't buy them.

I would advise you not to leave the house until you've changed the locks. He could come back and strip the place of anything of value plus take paperwork with him. Paperwork which could allow him to take out loans in your name. Please don't go to your parents right now!

I was about to post - 'This will be what the rest of your life looks like if you stay with this waster.'

Fortunately, it really looks like that might not be the case!!

He's a sponger, a leech, a waster, a fuckwit.

Write off any losses and DO NOT GET BACK WITH HIM.

Ever.

Good luck!!!

Hi OP. On the emotional front, could you get your parents to visit? Guys like this have been known to do complete household clearances if they get the chance.

One other tip: check your credit file to make sure he hasn't taken out a loan in your name. That's normally the parting shot when they decide to leave. The stunt with the the nappy sounds like him making you the bad guy for a departure he'd already planned.

I would heed what BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted said. You may need to be with your parents for a very short time for emotional reasons but, financially, regard him as .......not your friend anymore. You may have ceased to be useful as an easy source of funds but that doesn't mean that he won't still regard you and your name as fair game.

I'd be keeping a close eye on my credit records if I were you.

Actually - yes, STAY.

• make sure doors locked tonight. Text him to say 'My parents are here. Please do not come back.'

• get together EVERYTHING of value. Including the cameras!! - if you can get your parents to come over and ship your stuff out that would be great. Photos, documents, etc.

Try and get details of his pay for CSA.

Do not leave the house until everything you own and everything you jointly own of value has been removed.

If of course you can do all this stuff in an afternoon and your parents can come straight over and help you get it out, brilliant! But DON'T leave your stuff, or joint stuff, unprotected. He will strip the lot. And quite possibly destroy personal stuff like photos to get back at you, or tell you he has stuff held hostage to get you to return.

I had the same with one of my exes. We were together seven years. In the last six months I stupidly agreed to transfer stuff into joint names.

When we split he left me with over 34k of debt as he declared himself bankrupt. It has taken me over six years to pay it off and my previously fantastic credit is now in the toilet.

Please keep your finances separate. I would never get myself financially involved with anyone again.