Pregnant, sex and relationships

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I'm 6 months pregnant and to start with my boyfriend really did not want the baby! I choose to keep the baby with or without him and was very happy with this choice.

Anyway the problem I'm facing now is the fact that since I have been pregnsnt there has been no sexual/emotional relations at all!

We have had sex once and that was over 2 months ago and that was only because I threw such a strop about it, so he attempted to have sex with me, none of us got xmy fulfillment out of it and after I overheard him on phone to mate basically saying how he had "managed to do the deed" almost like a high five me!!!

So he makes it 100% clear he finds pregnancy disgusting, he even makes comments how I couldn't go to ascot with him this year (he didn't bother inviting me) because I apprantly wouldn't enjoy being around all those dresses up beautiful girls looking like this....... For the record I'm still a very slim size 8 with a very small football type bump!

And it not just the sex it the total lack if physical affection, there are no longer cuddles, kissess anything!

I'm just really starting to resent him and honestly can't see our relationship lasting the rest of the pregnancy if this carrys on, I'm just beginging to hate him for all the hurtful things he has said about me and the baby (which he really didn't want)

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He sounds horrible. I'd bin him. He will wear you down, make you feel ugly and probably cheat. You deserve better.

So you know he doesn't want a baby why are you still together? He is obviously very angry with you and resents the fact you are going ahead with the pregnancy. I suppose deep down your hoping he will have a change of heart once he or she arrives. Good luck with that. He has shown you who he is yet you still continue to be with him.

You should definitely dump him.

You're with someone who doesn't want anything to do with you since deciding to go ahead with the pregnancy.
It will only get worse once baby is here and taking all your time and energy up.

I think you know which way this is unfortunately going to go.......

I did finish the relationship when I was 8 weeks pregnsnt, and he begged me back said he did want the baby and that he is excited and can't wait to meet he/she!

I do understand some men struugles with the whole sex and pregnancy thing but surley they don't go to the extent to make there partner feel like total shit and tell then how unattractive they now are!

I think I could deal with the sex if he was still affectionate as in cuddles/kisses etc but there is nothing! He gets into bed turns back on me and jump straight up in morning!

I do wonder if the lack of affection is more to do with the fact that he doesn't want this at all, but can't be seen as the one to walk away from his pregnsnt girlfriend!

He sounds absolutely vile. What are you getting out of this relationship?

He sounds horrible. You are right that the problem is not just the lack of sex, also the horrible attitude. Do you think you are going to enjoy your baby's early days with him around? Will he be supportive and caring? Will he cope well with your vulnerability and the changes to your body?

Are you both quite young? Because he sounds really immature, and I think you're right that he doesn't want this at all but won't "man up" and leave in case it makes him look bad. Well, screw that. You want, and need, more for your baby than someone staying in order to save face with his pimply kid mates. This is going to be hard, and you need a partner to be supportive and actually share the load/burden (as well as the good times of course :)) with you - if he's not, then he's just going to add to it, and that's going to make everything so much tougher.

No I'm not sure he will cope with the changes for a new baby!

I have tried to bring this up with him a number of times, yesterday included and all he says is that it's a mental thing and I can't blame him for feeling repulsed by sex and pregnancy!

But am I being stupid in expecting at aleast some affection from him is sex isn't on the cards?

I managed to drag him into town yeasterday to buy the buggy for the baby, the one and only contribution he appears to be making!

This isn't a relationship op he's a lodger and your the pregnant landlady, congratulations on your pregnancy by the way.

Tell him to get to fuck why would you want this stress at this time, you should be enjoying it not dreading his next word on it.
Tell him to come back when he's grown up if not the CSA says hi, it takes two to make a baby he should remember that.

Bertie now we are not young! I'm 33 and he is 39!

Well I would blame him a little for feeling repulsed.

Even if feeling repulsed was acceptable telling you in these terms and treating you like this is not.

He could say "sorry I feel a bit funny about sex while you are pregnant" and give you a cuddle, be supportive etc. instead he is being a dick. Don't let him drain the joy out of your pregnancy.

He sounds like a shallow immature twat who is not emotionally ready to be a father nor equipped to make a good father or partner.

I would see his attitude as huge red flags & prepare for life as a lone parent.

Ok so he might not find a hugely pregnant partner sexually attractive or more commonly not want intercourse through fear of hurting the baby but he should still think you are beautiful & amazing for what your body can do... Even more so in a pretty maternity dress for Ascot. He's an arse!!!!

Just want to add that I think mumsnet posters are often to quick to suggest ending relationships. But I think here it might be a sensible solution.

My DP was supportive during pregnancy and beyond (not perfect!) and also our sex life continued as I wanted. But I did sometimes think that early baby days would be more straightforward alone. With an unsupportive partner it would have been awful!

Is he aware that you can have an active sex life while pregnant? That neither of you will hurt the baby or each other? That it can be a lovely way to feel closer emotionally? I'm wondering if he's scared of causing some damage.

Otherwise, if he's falling at the first hurdle, it doesn't look too good for all the ups and downs you've both got ahead of you.

I'm at my wits end with it all! I honestly think I made a huge mistake agreeing to go back when we split the first time, I should of just carried on with my decision to have the baby without him as he made it clear he wanted nothing to do with it!

I just can not see a happy ending or a future he at all

There's that famous quote: "when someone tells you who they are, pay attention"

This guy is almost shouting from the rooftops that he's just not that into you, and not that into the baby.

I'd advise him to go.

I think you already have your answer.

He didn't want this baby at all, but when you decided to go through the pregnancy anyway, he probably panicked.

To be completely honest with you - and I mean this kindly - he probably doesn't want to be in this relationship or have this child. He just doesn't want to be "that guy" that dumped his girlfriend because she was pregnant.

If he loved you then he wouldn't be making ridiculous comments about your pregnant figure (could it be any more obvious that he still resents you being pregnant?), and even if there was no sex for whatever reason, there would be love and affection.

There doesn't appear to be any, and I think you really need to kick his arse to the curb (why would you want to be in a relationship like this???), and get on planning with being a single mum. At least in your case you had accepted that this was a definite possibility at the very beginning, so it shouldn't come as a shock.

He doesn't have a "right" to be in a relationship with you just because you are pregnant. His state of mind seems to be "she is carrying a child that's half mine, so I am entitled to a relationship with her without actually any of the responsibilities, or behaviour, or love or affection required in a relationship".

Basically, he sounds like an absolute knob.

And at 39 as well! Jesus wept. What a man child.

He has just done something that I'm totally shocked about!

His mum wanted to buy the cot mattress and bedding for the baby, I priced up at mattress at around £100 and sheets/blankets/grow bags etc at £75 all from the Mothercare website! His mother was fine with this so gave me a cheque yesterday for £225! £175 for my baby stuff and £50 towards his other sons school trip (his ex has asked him for £175 towards svhool residential trip and £50 towards his football) I was shocked when he asked his mum to contribute to be honest as he is a grown man with a job and I would never dream of asking my parents to find my children's school trips!

Anyway I paid cheque into my account yesterday and said when it clears next week I will give him the £50!

Anyway he has just sat online and found a cot mattress for £35 from a company called online4baby then has basically said that I should but that and when the cheque clears give him all of it and he will pick up a few bits of clothes for the baby!

I know what his idea of this will be..... A trip to TK Mac and s few totally unsuitable outfits!!!

I said to him that the money was for the bedding etc and if there is any left over (if I find a good deal online) then the rest will be spent on other baby things we need I.e a nice cot mobile or something) and he has totally gone off on one, saying I'm whinging in his ear and he would like to go out and choose something for the baby himself....... Fine but do it out your own money not your mums when she agreed to buy the bedding!

In the end I told him not to worry about it and when cheque clears he can have the pissing lot and I will sort out the stuff for the baby myself!

I'm so cross I feel like thins baby will get nothing off him yet he is happy to go half on all his other child's activitys if if he does grumble about it and get his mum to chip in!

He is currently sat there grumbling about how we could of got a buggy online for £80! I spent ages choosing a buggy that was suitable for what I needed and wasn't to expensive as he made it clear he was not going to spend a fortune on it! And found a good deal in M&P with car seat and carrycot all for £299!

I'm totally willing to go it alone, his attitude fucking stinks

Wow 39??? I didn't think you sounded young BTW just him - he's acting like a 19 year old school boy, not a nearly 40 year old.

Let him buy whatever. If he buys a mattress, buggy etc without consulting with you just say "Great now you have one for when baby stays with you - good to see you're getting prepared!"

Good plan Bertie I didn't think of that, I was just to bloody shocked that he wants to take the money his mum has given me for the baby away for himself! Clearly because he is feeling a little skint this weekend because he has lost a total of £500 on betting at ascot and football and spent £300 on the buggy!

Kayblue I think you spot on to be honest! I'm trying my hardest to give him the boot but at the moment he is just stropping about my house and everytime I try to speak to him he just walks off!

You don't need his "permission" to finish the relationship with him. He is absolutely ridiculous.

It doesn't matter if he walks off - you breaking up with him is not dependent on him deciding to listen to it.

Just tell him "I am not raising a child with someone as selfish and irresponsible as you. You have two days to make arrangements and move out".

I assume that you lease the flat and he lives with you? Otherwise if he leases the flat, just move out. If you lease the flat together, give notice to the agency that you are leaving.

Just make a decision and act on it!

He sounds vile.

What kind of man rings his mates to talk about shagging his partner? Is he 13? Oh I see he is 39 - what a fucking prince.

Honestly you will do better to raise your baby alone without such a ballbag male role model on the scene.