My lifeline and only means of support please come along and help me

[lifelinenamechange]

Right all I have name changed. I am a regularly "lifer" penis beaker etc.

Oh, DH and I have been together for 10 years, we have one DD6. and things were good for a while!

Since dd has been born I have been in hell and things have been getting progressively worse.

For the last two years DH has done nothing I MEAN NOTHING; I have run my self into exhaustion, Everyone has been worried about me huge amount of weight loss no ability to really hold a conversation etc.

About a month ago things got really really bad I kept crying all the time for no reason. Felt awful and really physically ill.

I ended up at the doctors early Monday morning (9th) I was diagnosed with exhaustion, and serve stress which had made me very badly anxious not depressed. I was put on an anti depressant to help level me out, and a tablet for the "bad" days. Within about 48 hours I started to feel better. Like I could breath again, the palpitation that I didn´t realise had been there had gone, the constant feelings of stress, anxiety, fear and being helpless had gone. the head ache that I had had for months disappeared and I got my first decent nights sleep in YEARS.
Even better over the next few days the "fog" and knots in my head started to clear.

Monday this week I asked DH to move out for a bit so I could clear my head and work out what I want to do. I asked for Space and Peace, he moved in with MY PARENTS: since then things have gone from bad to worse.

I have been treated to the 1001 reason you DH is SOOOO wonderful by my mother, the extended disco chorus of how much he loves me, I´ve been told that DH is faultless and this is all my fault by my parents. Its been awful. So bad that last night I am ashamed to admit after hanging up on my mother mid your DH is distraught you are being so nasty to him that I pulled the phone out of the wall and sat on the floor and cried for hours.

My parents have very clearly thrown their support behind DH and I have no one, to help me do what I want to do.

I begged for space last night, and I have been told I can´t have it (what my dad actually said is so horrid I don´t want to type it) so I have been forced to meeting with DH sooner than I feel able to, and I don´t want to because he will just brow beat me again and make me feel like total and absolute shit.

I don´t know what to do.

Anyone?? Please.

hope you are okay. you don't have to see your dh if you don't want to. where do you want to go from here? do you feel that you want to talk to dh but just not right now? You sound so upset, be kind to yourself, it is okay to say no.

I am so sorry, it sounds like an awful and heartbreaking situation. Do you have any good friends nearby?

They wont let me say no. I have tried everyway I can think of.

I´ve taken "bad day" tablet today but its not helping.

I feel like everyone is against me. Like I am being stabbed from every direction

I want to separate for a bit, I can´t not I deserve better than this. I´ve been picked to pieces, belittled and brow beaten for so long. I just want a bit of piece and quite.

I have no friends, no one in RL that seems to care about me at all.

I don´t want to talk to him yet, because he gets me in such a state that I can´t remember what I want to say, and I know I wont be able to stick to what I want because he won´t let me.

If you're being pressured by your parents and DH do you think Womensaid could be worth a call? Your post is so heartfelt and emotion filled I think you need to seek support wherever it's available and I understand Womensaid are very good for this.

God this sounds soul destroying in your shoes my gut reaction would be to say you want a divorce instead. Probably very unhelpful advice but I hate being herded into doing stuff by anyone applying pressure.

I don't have any good ideas, but sending hugs.

I don't react well to being backed into a corner and there is usually explosive results but I have not been ground down by years of grief. So with that in mind I would either change my sim or get a cheap phone, change the locks (not legal if h is on the deeds but he has to take civil action to get back in - if any police tell you that you need to let him in then tell them he can go through the civil courts), refuse to answer the door to them and call 999 if any of them kick off, refuse to hand over your child to any of them without a court order, utterly make them work for every single second of contact - and that applies to all of them. That is easy for me to say, though, as I am fairly evil if I feel under pressure.

I would start divorce proceedings as soon as I could. You do not have to meet your dh. Ever. There is no legal way you can be forced to spend a second with him you do not want to. Access can be arranged so handovers are in public places. I really would be homicidal in your situation - quite seriously. However that is me, not you.

This may not be helpful.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? I am sure they will be able to give some sensible ideas.

btw you do not legally have to ever speak with your parents ever again (I wouldn't in your shoes). They cannot force you to. They cannot force you to answer the phone, answer letters or answer the door. Find other support as this is cruel, cruel, cruel.

Could you take yourself and your DD (or just yourself) off for a few days away?

Have you made any decisions about your future?

Secretly I don´t have any friends. Dh has a few good ones but mine all seem to have drifted away over the last 10 years.

I even ended up calling a one of DH friends last night, and asking him just to talk for a bit.

I just want to run away, and I really would but for DD.

Please call Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247. They can and will help you here.

Your parents and your H I daresay have something in common; they are all abusive. Your mother has found a "kindred spirit" in your DH mainly because she can see her own self in him.

Ultimately you will need to consider whether you want either of your parents to now play any part in your life at all.

God that sounds really unbearable.

You really expect your parents to support you and they turn around and do this? Wow.

I am glad you have pulled the phone out of the wall, that is a blessing, they cant bother you that way any more. Lock your door so if they come knocking you can be out.

Definitely speak to Womens Aid, and go back to your GP and see if you can get some counselling. Stay strong.

I can´t speak to womens aid as I am not in the UK.

I have changed the locks!

I have just ignored a call again.

I can´t get a cheap SIM because I can´t leave here.

DD is currently with my mum and dad and I am worried about her too. Im going to pick her up in a bit and bugger the consequences.

I feel so alone, I feel broken and beaten down by everyone.

I actually broke a few bits of china (cups etc) yesterday because it was either get angry or sob then I ended up sobbing as well.

Life, my advice to you is to PUT YOURSELF FIRST! You are a very capable person who is going through a very tough time. You can cope and you will cope. Tell your DH and DP to fuck off and leave you alone. Don't meet up with anyone that you don't want to meet. The only way out of this is for you to start making the decisions. YOU decide what YOU want to do. You do not need to explain yourself to other people. If your DP press you just say you are not happy with your DH's behaviour. Say it once and once only.

You sound very worn out and it might help to talk to someone who understands what you are going through. When I was in your situation I rang Women's Aid who very kindly gave me an appointment to see someone in WA. It was invaluable. Also make another appointment to see your doctor and ask for a referral to see a counsellor on your own. You are already doing well on the ADs.

Dont let your DH browbeat you. If you want to end the relationship end it. You are more than capable of rearing your DD apart. Millions of people are doing it every day. If you want to go down this route take your time and see a solicitor to see where you would stand financially. If you want to work at making your relationship work then do that with your DH and keep your DP out of it.

As for him going to stay with and whinge to your parents fuck that for a game of soldiers. It is completely unacceptable.

You are a strong woman, get into the driving seat now!!! I know it might sound hard but you need to put your shoulders back and keep your head high and stand up for yourself because no-one around you is going to. You are much more capable than you think.

Actually I want to divorce all three of them at the moment.

Go back to your gp. You sound like you have some serious issues. I don't get your op, you have 1 child op, what is it thats so exhausting? Does dh work

hear hear Pat.
how are you doing lifeline?

Restandpeace I work a 7 day week, DH does nothing, he doesn´t work, he doesn´t tidy, clean, deal with DD, He complains about everything, he makes everything so hard and difficult and yes I am exhausted, both physically and mentally.

Pat that is very good advice, now all I have to do is try and following it.

Do you anticipate any problem getting your daughter back home with you?

Also consider going back to the GP. If there is no WA where you are there may be something else they can suggest.

do you have access to adequate finances without him there.

This is a classic. Men who behave like twunts at home can often charm the pants off everyone else making themselves look both wonderful and hard done to at the same time.

so, you are not alone in this happening to you and just because your DP believe him that does not make him right or you wrong it just means he is extremely manipulative.

bottom line if he really, truly loved you and cared about your feelings not his own, he would give you some space.

tell him/them that. And if they don't listen tell them to FOTTFSOFO.

Is there any organisation like WA in the country you live in.

You are your own person. You don't have to do anything anyone tells you to, unless it is required by law.

Keep strong, and try to stay cool while you gather your thoughts.

Myroomisatip - maybe, but I have spoken to the school and they have been very helpful so if necessary I can go and pick her up on Monday from the head masters office.

I just don´t want a scene around dd she is a kid and seems to be being told things that she doesn't need to know.

Tell them by text if you can.
"If you love me and truly care about the future of our relationship you will give me the space I desperately need"
Or something along those lines.

There is a chapter in Lundy I think on abusers and their allies. Not sure if it is online too.

Hi OP - you said that you aren't in the UK - where are you based?

We can help you look for resources but need to know where you are.

Are your parents also living abroad with you?

You have done nothing wrong. You can refuse to speak to your parents. You are not a child and they cannot force you to see your husband. If they try and force you to have contact with him, or if he turns up at your house, then call the police.

You should tell your parents that whilst they side with the man that has made your life hell, they are dead to you. Mean it. How dare they turn on you like this.

Where are you?

Life, I just realised that WA is not an option for you. Is there any similar facility available where you are? Ignore your DH and DP as much as you can. If your DH tries to bully make a complaint to the police as it is good to have a record of any incidents. When your DD is home try to relax and think about what you want to do. Try your best not to panic. The situation you are is tough but you will find a way to work it out one way or another. Believe in yourself, you are capable of dealing with this. Stay calm and try to find support from the women on this thread who know exactly what you are going through. You might think you are alone but you have support here.

You probably know this deep down, but you need to get legal advice and very quickly.

You could ask to do it over the phone in an extreme situation, but I know that you have the strength to get to an appointment if necessary.