7 year itch?

[SimplyComplicated]

Anyone experienced the '7 year itch' and if so what did you do about it?

Been living with my partner since 2007, and recently have been feeling what I can only describe as being a bit bored in our relationship. Our sex life has become almost non existent, and after initially trying to get the spark back I now feel I can't be bothered even trying. I do love him and care for him deeply, but I just don't know if I can say I am still in love with him. We do very little to nothing together as a couple, and although we get on really well I can't help but feel we are more just like great friends now. I would not go so far to say I am unhappy, but certainly wouldn't say that I am happy either. I miscarried quite recently and think this may have possibly triggered me to start thinking about and evaluating or relationship. I don't really want to tell him how I am feeling just yet, as I know he will totally freak out and I would rather figure out if it just due to my frame of mind after our loss that is causing it. Feel really terrible as it feels as if I am lying to him and am being selfish and unfair.

Would really appreciate any advice anyone can give

(Apologies for it being quite long, felt good to be venting once I started typing!)

Why is this so hard?!? I know that I've made the right decision, and deep down it's what I actually want to do but all I can think of now is how much I want to call him, tell him how sorry I am for all of this and go home. I actually cried when the football started as I know he will be watching it. Why after everything, is the idea of him being alone and possibly upset and feeling like shit absolutely killing me?!?
(PS posted more in the hope that venting/spilling would maybe make me feel a bit better... not looking for people to feel sorry for me and reply, you have all given me more than enough time and advice already!!!)

It's hard because he's all you've known for seven years and you were so young when you got together. And it's only been one evening! You just have to keep thinking about why you left. Give yourself time. Be kind to yourself.

Go back to imagining where you want to be in 6 months. 1 year. 5 years.

Change is always scary because it's unknown. Humans tend to be naturally drawn towards what we already know - even if what wee already know is actually quite shit. It's the appeal of the familiar.

But don't give in to this - from the sounds of it there were some really deep issues going on there, and bringing a child into that relationship would just make things even more complicated for you. And if he isn't a man you could have children with, then what's the point being with him?

note: I didn't mean sterile men are worthless. What I meant was if it's not a suitable partner to have children with

I to have just MC. It is horrible and I don't wish it on everyone.

What it did though was help us realise how much we we're ready and desperately wanted it. I can so easily imagine that it would have helped people not in a good place to realise that too. Not that that makes the whole process any easier.

You are doing the right thing and you worry about him being happy because you are a good human being.

But just remember how much he cared about your happiness when you reached out to him. He did not care like this for you.

Yeah I wasn't at all expecting to be doing cartwheels and jumping for joy last night, I knew I would be hurting... just didn't expect to feel as bad as I did. Going to a friends today to stay for a few nights so I'm sure plenty of girly talk (and wine) will help!

If it helps, this is the worst bit. If you can just get through the next days and a few weeks, it will get so much better. It does take a while to fully get over a serious relationship breakup but gradually it will just get easier and easier, especially when you get settled somewhere else and have a new life to organise.

It's completely natural to feel this way, it doesn't mean you're doing the wrong thing, it's natural for attachments to be hard to break (if you're a decent person).

I remember a couple breakups in my 20s where I felt like I could not go on, could not bear it, it was just the end of the world. Now I can't even fully remember what they looked like. It's intense right now but it really will get easier, hang in there.

Sorry x-post

Girl talk and wine IS the best

Also try to pamper yourself a bit if you can, do nice things for yourself the same way you would for a friend who was hurting

I'm here sending you vibes to keep strong and keep going.
Hope you have a good few days/evenings with your friend.
Talk lots and I have no doubt she will agree with all of us.
It's heart breaking but each day will get a bit easier.
Make sure you look after yourself. Eat and drink.

Well done on leaving. It's ok to be sad. You're grieving for the life you thought you were going to have. Just try to remember in the midst of the sadness that the reality of your relationship wasn't all sweetness and light. Allow yourself to be sad but don't mistake that for a sign you made the wrong decision.
Let your friends support you and be gentle with yourself.

You're 25, these are the best years of your life, and now you are FREE to enjoy them!

Go to parties, meet people, travel, study, change career - do whatever you want for a couple of years. There is plenty of time later to find yourself 7 years into a relationship with a mortgage and two kids and committed and a bit bored (I'm right there!) - that's the relationship you need to work on.

Right now, you've got no ties, you can just concentrate on what is right for you.

Hi Simply. You thought it was an itch

it was actually a huge gaping wound you need to tend to

Look after yourself and surround yourself with RL friends

Hugs

Once again all you wonderful lovely people were right!

Spent a long time offloading to my friend today (her poor ears must be about ready to fall off!) I've laughed, I've cried, but really think that speaking to someone in RL has really helped me to understand how I am feeling.

Although she was totally disgusted by his behaviour, she wasn't entirely surprised! She has seemingly always thought he was a total bell-end and had wanted to tell me years ago that I should LTB but never did for fear of jeopardising our friendship. She is now feeling pretty guilty that she didn't say anything, but I have reassured her that I probably wouldn't have listened anyway, as I was refusing to let myself see what he was really like for so long.

I am currently sporting an arm full of them coloured loom band thingys that her 2 DD's made for me "to make me be happy!" I'm away to get a lesson in how to make them before they get ready for bed and we get started on the wine!

I know I have a long way to go, and have lots to think about with regards to my future, but today has reassured me that I will get there since at timed today I have felt that I've been able to wear a smile that hasn't been painted on!

It is rather annoying after a break up to find everyone else knew he was an idiot and you have only just worked it out. But you are right, you wouldn't have believed it and it may have cause problems with your friend.

So glad you are feeling better about the decision, and remember that the only way to go from here is up. You have so many opportunities in front of you and you are free to embrace as many as you want.

There will still probably be a few tears, but that too will pass.

Stay strong. He's not for you. :)

So glad you could off-load to your friend.
A problem shared, and all that.
It happens so often, that friends and family actually never really liked them and they just kept quiet.
Hope you had some nice wine and more talking last night.
Take care of yourself. Eat!
Well done and keep going.