Please tell me I did the right thing (long)

[JaneyBoo]

Been friends with this guy for a while. Mutual attraction, got on very well. Emailing me constantly for a while. We go out for a drink, sleep together, wonderful time (emotionally and physically).

He is lovely; affectionate; very compatible.

We both have a history of terrible relationships- he is pretty scarred over it. He had a habit if disappearing on me (no contact for a while) so I asked him explicitly to keep in touch.

After sex, I don't hear anything. Not a text, nothing. So I contacted him basically saying you did the one thing I asked you not to- disappeared.

I then get a very nice email and we have more back-and-forwards contact.

Then he disappears again.

So I contacted him, nicely but assertively, to say that I didn't think this would meet either of our needs and that he shouldn't contact me again.

I feel dreadful. I really liked this guy and he was lovely to me (when he could be arsed ).

I did the right thing , didn't I? But I really feel a loss; over the friendship more than anything.

???? Views???? (This has been going on for a couple of months although I have known him longer).

But you make a good point. A have a male friend who really is a genuine friend, who would/has helped out in a crisis : and I can see the difference.

Fair enough.

You may hate me for this, don't feel you have to answer these questions, just maybe have a think on them.

but ask yourself how many times you've been out in person? And was it you instigating/organising, or him? And how reliable was he with turning up, being punctual, not cancelling on you?

I'm not saying you didn't have a good face-to-face connection and enjoy your time together WHEN it happened, but (sorry to be blunt, like I said I was there when I was youngee so I know what it feels like) I can't help thinking the red flags were there you were basically not someone he took seriously or valued socially?

You said he had a habit of disappearing on you in your "friendship"? As in, just ignoring contact? To the extent you had to ASK him not to do this.

To me, that is a sign a guy isn't a friend and doesn't take you seriously as a friend or someone in his social group

I 100% agree he's a twat, but also I think it's nice to develop ones "twat" radar so you don't get into this situation again and screen out men similar to him, as friends/acquaitances/dates?

Cross posted. You sound great. I hope things work out for you, onwards and upwards!

Yeah I would agree for sure that the red flags were there.

Twat radar ....yeah. I suppose it's because this is a new one on me. Some bad relationships before for the usual reasons- boredom, indifference, drifted apart... But nothing really like this. Not that thus us worse- it isn't- just stranger and I'm not quite used to it.

I guess I don't quite get the modern texting / messaging/email nature of modern relationships and how thus fits in with f2f contact. I dunno, puzzled really about how someone can be so nice IRL then kind of disappear on me virtually. Odd.

Rambling here , sorry - guess he just got cold feet but was too cowardly to tell me face to face or virtually. Hi him.

Or even ho hum. :)