How have you dealt with role reversal? SAHD

[Kefybaby]

DH was made redundant a while ago. With one preschool DC and another one on the way it made a lot is sense for him to become a SAHD, especially as he was struggling to find another job. Luckily my salary could cover our costs and we saved a fortune on nursery fees.

A few months forward and I wonder about the impact this has had on our relationship. DH is a great dad but at times seems to be totally fed up with looking after DC. He is very isolated from adult company and frustrated he does not have enough time to pursue his business ideas. When I am back from work he locks himself in the study to do some work on his business ideas and does not emerge until past midnight. We hardly ever do anything together as looking after DC has become shift work due to the fact that we have no external help.

I wonder if he resents this situation. He does not seem to care about me at all, which I find very upsetting. I find it hard to talk about this to anyone in RL... I just feel that we have lost our connection and our feelings for each other. We are planning for a few days of childcare in a few months to give DH a bit of breathing space. I hope it will not be too late by then... I do not know if this is purely due to the "role reversal" but it does not seem to have helped...

It's not as simple as 'not wanting to look after them'. Most families need two wages. Most children are fine with some sort of child care while their parents work. It was the norm until this century and is still the norm now, except it seems on Mumsnet.

I know, I did say if both parents feel the way you described why you would do a sloppy job as you'd "fucking hate it", if your partner felt similarly is it wise having kids ?

I also said it's often a necessity for both parents to work and I understand that, we did it aswell. Thats different to both deciding they wouldn't want to do it.

This is what we did once DD was weaned: DW would work 18 hours a week, I would work 3 of 4 on agency. I did the cooking, laundry and ironing. In the week I would take DD for bike rides and to playgroup, where my murderer's expression would discourage disapproval and other interest. Swimming was the big thing, because I would let her take bigger risks. I was shit at hair apart from nitcombing, when DD and I would spend bathtime killing the little bastards with a spoon.

Museums are good. Nothing says "cool dad" quite like showing a child Dried Out Guy and Pete Marsh. Also bears. She likes bears. Bears with great big teeth.

It worked,, apart from the time I fed her stewed red pepprs and her next nappy looked like a GI bleed.

Yeah we did the Museums and galleries etc, even just travelling was good but kids need their social time so I had to the the tumble tots etc.Didn't like the idea, put it off but when I went the mums there were very welcoming and were at most groups we went to. Similar happens in the playground, different groups have differing dynamics, your kid may be in a class where some organise things and all are included, alternatively they may be in a class that have nasty cliquey parents. We've had both!